They let me use the guest room, a pair of pajamas…and even the bath.
I may have had Issa’s permission, but it still felt exceedingly generous, considering I’d forced myself into their home…
Unable to relax, I sat cross-legged on the futon laid out for me in the guest room and let my thoughts wander.
As I sat there in a daze, I started to crave a cigarette. I’d just have to endure.
…Things had calmed down enough for me to think about superfluous things like smoking, at least.
I had also begun to feel, as Issa said earlier, that the worst was now behind us. It looked like Sayu would be able to live here until she finished high school. There might be some issues, but Issa would be there to help.
That thought comforted me.
“…So that’s it,” I murmured. I nodded to myself over and over.
My role in her life…had finally come to an end. Despite the relief that brought me, a loneliness came with it that I couldn’t completely ignore.
The following day, I would return to Tokyo and never see Sayu again.
“…Things are just going back to how they were before,” I whispered.
Sighing, I crawled into the futon. I’d better just go to sleep and not overthink things. My mind was still sharp, but I could tell my body was exhausted from the long trip.
I closed my eyes. The futon smelled like someone else’s home. While I found it a little unnerving, I did my best to take slow, even breaths.
But the more I tried to fall asleep, the clearer my thoughts became. It just wasn’t working. I tossed and turned, irritated by the inexplicably loud ticking of the wall clock.
This went on and on, until I heard a soft click from across the room. The sound had come from the guest room door.
It was obvious that someone was trying to silently sneak into the room. This wasn’t my home, however, so I didn’t feel like I could just sit up and see who it was… Instead, I decided to pretend I was asleep.
Keeping my eyes closed, I focused on the presence now in the room with me. They slowly crept over from the door, came up to my futon…and squirmed their way inside.
There was only one person who would do that.
“What’re you doing, Sayu?” I asked, rolling over to face her.
Sayu, now underneath the sheets beside me, simply laughed.
“Eh-heh-heh.”
Her face was closer than I’d expected. It made my heart race for a moment, but I feigned calm. She cuddled close to me, a broad grin on her face.
“Today’s our last day…so I thought we should sleep together.”
“You said the same thing back at my place.”
“Don’t be so picky. That was the last time, but this is the last last time. Got it?”
I felt my chest ache, but I tried my best not to let the pain show.
“Well…all right,” I answered brusquely, scooting over to give her room to sleep.
The futon I’d been given was meant for one, so it was quite cramped with two people inside.
“Turn over, Mr. Yoshida.”
“Huh? Oh…”
I didn’t know what Sayu was after, but I followed her orders and rolled over to face away from her.
A few seconds later, she pressed herself against my back and wrapped her arms tightly around me.
“H-hey, c’mon. What’re you doing…?”
“It’s no big deal. And besides, this is my last chance.”
“Do you think you can get away with anything just because it’s our last night together?”
“Why? Are you getting horny?”
“Shut up.”
I easily brushed off her teasing, but to tell the truth, the feeling of Sayu’s warm, soft body pressed against my back was extremely vivid.
That said, I wasn’t exactly turned-on. My heart began to race a little, but I didn’t push Sayu away.
She stayed silent, too, and simply held me in her arms.
I could hear her steady breathing from behind me. But just as I was wondering if she’d already fallen asleep, she whispered, “I said I could stand on my own two feet…but I don’t wanna say good-bye to you, Mr. Yoshida.”
She can stand on her own two feet, but she doesn’t want to say good-bye.
Unable to work out what she meant, I struggled to find a response.
“…You won’t have to do housework every day, and your brother will be there for you. You’ll be okay,” I said eventually. I heard Sayu giggle and felt her warm breath against my back.
“When I did housework at your place, Mr. Yoshida, I didn’t mind at all.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah……… Cooking for someone I love every day made me so happy.”
“……”
When she said that, my heart skipped a beat.
Sayu and I had carefully built a trusting relationship. Compared to when I first met her, she had become much more open about her feelings.
However, she’d never used the word love so frankly with me before. I knew she didn’t mean it in a romantic way, but it still floored me to hear her say it.
“Do you think you’ll be okay without me, Mr. Yoshida?” she asked suddenly.
My words caught in my throat.
A life without Sayu.
I tried to imagine what that would be like, but my brain refused to cooperate. When I thought about home, Sayu was always there. She was a part of it.
“…I don’t know,” I said a little recklessly.
That was how I honestly felt.
As I’d been telling myself, once Sayu was gone, things would just “go back to how they were.” I’d been alone before I met her, after all… But that was just on the surface.
I’d now experienced how much warmth Sayu brought to my life. Could I still suck it up and tell myself that things were simply “how they always were”? There was no way to know.
I was certain of only one thing.
“But…I think I’ll miss you,” I said.
Sayu squeezed me tight again.
“Yeah…I guess you will,” she said.
We both fell silent.
Tension was brewing in the room. We both had things we wanted to say, but neither of us had the nerve.
Sayu, nuzzled right up against my back, wiggled restlessly. She would stop for a couple of minutes, then fidget some more, then stop again. Until…
“Mr. Yoshida,” she said all at once, loosening her grip. “Turn around.”
“……?”
Something about Sayu’s tone sounded different. As I wondered what it was…I did as she asked and turned around to face her.
We locked eyes, and I found we were even closer than I’d thought. Sayu’s gaze was intense and filled with emotion.
“What is it now?” I asked.
“It’s…um…our last night, you know.”
“Yeah.”
Sayu’s eyes darted around the room.
As I was wondering why she was so nervous, she asked, “Why don’t we…do it? Just this once.”
“Do what?”
“Um, you know……h-have sex.”
“……Huh?”
Even in the dark, I could tell how much she was blushing. I felt my face grow hot, too.
If she had been teasing me, like she so often did, I would’ve just said something snappy and turned her down. This time, however, it didn’t sound like teasing.
For a moment, I imagined having Sayu take off her clothes and touching her body…but I frantically shook that image from my head.
“What the hell are you talking about…?!”
“No, it’s just… I guess I just want…to make sure we won’t forget each other.”
I couldn’t help sighing. It seemed like her loneliness had taken a wrong turn somewhere.
I was mad at myself, too, for letting the mood get to me and starting to imagine things.
“We don’t have to do something like that… I’d never forget you,” I told Sayu, looking straight at her.
She returned my gaze and gasped.
“We’ve spent more than half a year together,” I continued.
Memories of the two of us flooded my mind in sequence, each vanishing just as quickly as they appeared.
“We aren’t lovers, and we aren’t family, and yet we spent more than half a year living together…”
I paused and gently rubbed Sayu’s head.
“I doubt I’ll ever forget you.”
This frank confession brought tears to the corners of Sayu’s eyes. She thrust her face into my chest and threw her arms around me.
“Yeah…me too.”
I carried on stroking her hair as she sniffled. Then, all of a sudden, I laughed.
“I’ve thought this for a while, but…you know what, Sayu? You always look so cool and collected, but you cry so easily. Have you always been such a crybaby?”
“Shut up. A lot of good stuff has happened lately—I can’t help it.”
She kept her face pressed against my chest as her shoulders shook, and she sniffled some more.
For the next few minutes, neither of us said a word.
As I lay next to Sayu in silence, I could clearly feel the warmth of her body. That warmth spread to my heart. The thought of never feeling her warm embrace again did leave me a little lonely.
“Okay,” Sayu said, breaking the silence and looking up at me. “How about you just touch my boobs, then?”
“Not giving in, are you?” I replied with a helpless laugh. Sayu giggled.
Afterward, we slowly drifted off to sleep. We spent our last night together just like that—very close but not overly intimate.