“…Don’t tell me you were asleep?”
“Yeah… Just a short nap.”
He didn’t have to answer. It was clear from his face that he had just gotten out of bed, and I couldn’t help laughing. He was probably exhausted after everything that had happened with Sayu over the past few days.
“Don’t just stand there. Come in.”
I was a little hurt to see Mr. Yoshida invite Sayu in instead of me, but I forced myself to squash those negative feelings.
After shamelessly crying my eyes out at home last time, I’d made a decision.
I was no longer going to be jealous of their relationship. This wasn’t lip service or some kind of compromise—it was an important measure to preserve my mental health.
As I’d told Sayu earlier, for whatever reason, I already felt great empathy for her. She was such a good girl, and taking into account what I had just heard, I really wanted her to be happy in the future.
Both that sentiment and my jealousy over Sayu and Mr. Yoshida’s relationship existed in my mind simultaneously, and I knew all too well that if I didn’t suppress one of the two, I’d only cause myself anguish.
“C’mon, you’ll catch cold. Warm up and go to bed,” I told Sayu, pushing her forward into the apartment.
Then I casually raised a hand to wave good-bye, avoiding looking at them together as much as I could.
“Okay, I’m going home. See you tomorrow… I mean, next week,” I corrected myself, realizing that it was Friday.
For some reason, Mr. Yoshida looked like he was considering something. Then he turned toward me.
“Why don’t you come in if you’ve got a few minutes to spare? You…walked Sayu back, after all. The least I can do is offer you a coffee.”
I felt my heart soar at his words but managed to hold back.
If I took him up on his offer, I’d only end up with an even closer look at how the two of them acted around each other. I had to tread carefully.
“Nah, I’m sure you’re both totally worn out. I’ll pass today.”
“All right… At least let me walk you to the station, then. It can get a little deserted around here.”
This offer was more than I could’ve hoped for.
I paused for a beat, then replied, “Okay, if you insist.”
“Make sure you lock the door,” he advised Sayu.
Then he threw on a heavy jacket over his pajamas and stepped outside. I knew he would look strange walking beside me in this getup while I was dressed for a day out, but I was happy nonetheless.
“The nights have gotten a little chilly lately,” I said.
“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s gonna be winter before we know it.”
Mr. Yoshida wrapped his arms around his chest and pretended to shiver.
Winter was coming, and soon the year would be over. Next year, Sayu would turn eighteen. All her peers would be graduating from high school in just a few months’ time.
Sayu, however, had completely missed the latter half of her second year and was now skipping her third. I wasn’t sure whether they’d let her graduate like that.
“I wonder if things will be okay for Sayu once she goes home,” I said hesitantly.
Mr. Yoshida was quiet for a moment.
The sounds of our footsteps slowly disappeared into the night air.
“I want to support her…so that she can have a normal life,” Mr. Yoshida said, breaking his silence, “but there’s not much I can actually do. I have my own life to live.”
“…That’s true.”
“Whether or not she can face the problems ahead…is all up to her.”
On the surface, Mr. Yoshida sounded even more matter-of-fact than usual. Once I got a look at his face, however, I could tell he was only expressing his own feelings of inadequacy—he was being his usual self after all.
Anyone would feel the same, I thought. But then I changed my mind. No, they wouldn’t.
Other people would consider someone else when it was convenient, then push them away and disregard their issues as “someone else’s problem” when the chips were down. That was just the way adults were—or at least, that’s how it seemed to me.
But Mr. Yoshida was different. When he took Sayu in, he felt responsible for her, and now he was trying to do what was needed to the best of his ability. There was something incredibly attractive about that, which, once again, made me feel conflicted.
But strangely, I had absolutely no desire to come between him and Sayu.
Perhaps that was because the bond the two of them shared was so undeniable—I knew it wasn’t something I could break.
I decided to speak honestly.
“Sayu…definitely needs you,” I said. Mr. Yoshida looked at me in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. She may seem mature, but deep down, she’s still a child. I think all the strength she’s squeezed out of that tiny body came straight from you.”
“…You think so, huh?”
I thought he would be modest and shake his head in denial. Instead, he simply accepted what I’d said.
“…What can I do for her, though?” he asked.
It seemed like that was all he was worried about now.
I thought staying by Sayu’s side would be enough, but I got the impression such a vague answer wasn’t what he was looking for.
Instead, I put on a cheery voice and very casually made a suggestion.
“Why don’t you go along with her to Hokkaido?”
“Huh?” he responded, clearly dumbfounded. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Surely it’s not that shocking an idea. She says she doesn’t have the courage to go back alone. But if you go with her, she might feel a little braver.”
“No way. Her family would freak out. Wouldn’t that be crossing a line? I’m a total stranger. Besides, how would the office cope without me?”
“Screw all that stranger nonsense. You’re already in it this deep! …And as for work, I’m sure Mr. Hashimoto, Mr. Endou, and Mr. Koike could put their heads together and figure something out. It’s only a week, after all… And you’ve got your trusty junior right here, haven’t you?”
I puffed out my chest to prove my point. Mr. Yoshida’s face went blank, and he stopped talking for a few moments. Then he burst out laughing.
“Trusty, my ass…,” he said, but made no further comments about my proposal.
Still, I got the feeling he was considering it. If he wasn’t going to come up with the idea himself, I figured it had been worth mentioning.
I wanted Sayu to be happy no matter what, too. But there wasn’t a lot I could do to help her.
What’s more…I wanted Mr. Yoshida to recognize what Sayu truly meant to him. Did he love her like a child or was it something more?
If those feelings were still unresolved when he parted ways with her, he would definitely come to regret it.
Personally, I hated having regrets, and I didn’t want the people I cared about to have them, either.
Sure, I may have had romantic feelings for him, but I genuinely wanted things to end happily for the two of them, no matter what that looked like.
“Mr. Yoshida…do your best,” I said.
“Okay,” he replied a few seconds later.
Then he quietly added something else.
“Thanks.”
For now, that was enough.
As our conversation trailed off, the coldness of the air suddenly hit me. Shivering, I looked up at the night sky.
It was still only the beginning of fall, and yet, I felt like winter was nearly upon us.