I spoke suddenly and without thinking, and Miss Yuzuha’s eyes went wide. A moment later, she burst out laughing.
“Ah-ha-ha! So that’s it!”
Miss Yuzuha roared with laughter, then nodded emphatically several times.
“Right. Family… Now I understand…”
“Wh-what?”
“Nothing. It’s just…that thought never occurred to me,” she said, smirking. “You two have been so close since the day you met, even though you didn’t know much about each other. Somehow you both needed each other.”
Miss Yuzuha slowly articulated her thoughts. It sounded more like she was talking to herself than to me.
“But your relationship wasn’t sexual…so I was having a hard time understanding what exactly the connection was. But yeah, it makes sense now… If you tried to become family with someone you just met…that’s probably exactly how it would go.”
Miss Yuzuha’s words made me realize something.
Time and again, I’d wondered what made Mr. Yoshida different from the other men I’d met. It was strange—I’d felt comfortable around him almost immediately. That was something I hadn’t experienced with any of the others, and I’d never worked out why.
But now, Miss Yuzuha had opened my eyes to the kind of relationship Mr. Yoshida and I had built.
“Oh… So Mr. Yoshida cared for me like family… That’s why…”
From the moment I left home, I was only ever seen as a “woman.” People wanted me to be a “high school girl,” so that’s the role I played. No… I’d assumed that’s what they wanted and molded myself to fit.
Mr. Yoshida, however, only ever saw me as a “child.” It was peculiar yet comforting…
“That’s why…he was so kind…”
Tears instantly began to gather at the corners of my eyes. I wasn’t sad, but I could feel my emotions swelling.
I must have spent those six months wandering around in desperation because, deep down, I was looking for unconditional love.
“Why is…Mr. Yoshida like that…?” I asked, my voice nasal as I wiped at the tears streaming down my face.
Miss Yuzuha snorted.
“I don’t know, either… He’s different, that guy.” Abruptly, she placed a hand on my head and mussed my hair. “But…I’m really glad you two met.”
I could feel my vision distorting.
I squeezed my eyes closed and nodded silently.
I was glad that I’d met Mr. Yoshida, too.
Those were my true feelings.
And that…was exactly why I was so terrified.
“Are you scared of leaving him?” Miss Yuzuha asked, as if reading my mind.
I looked up at her and nodded. I no longer felt any need to keep up appearances around her.
“I’m scared… Really scared.”
“That makes sense… He’s more of a parent than your real mom has ever been, and now you’re leaving him.” She nodded a few times. When she spoke again, her voice was deliberate. “But…you and he aren’t family.”
“…I know.”
“And because of that…,” she murmured, “this is a tricky one.”
Her words cut straight to my heart and yet resonated with me deeply.
Suddenly, it dawned on me.
I’d been thinking of “going home” and “leaving Mr. Yoshida” as the same thing, and both ideas petrified me.
“…I don’t want to go home.”
Once again, I’d spoken before I knew what I was saying.
Miss Yuzuha ruffled my hair a second time.
“…Yeah, I understand,” she agreed, her voice kind.
We both went quiet for a few minutes. I sniffled and wiped away my tears, and all the while, Miss Yuzuha kept stroking my head.
“When it’s time to make a decision,” she began, unprompted, “we always want to put it off. I think that’s just human nature.”
Her words sounded gentle, and they gradually sank in.
“But as it turns out, the more important the decision, the less likely you are to have that kind of time. You can hem and haw over the details, but before you know it, time is up.”
She moved the hand resting on top of my head down to my shoulder and gave it a soft pat.
“I can only say this because I’m an outsider,” Miss Yuzuha continued. I lifted my face and met her gaze. She looked very serious. “But you can’t run away anymore, Sayu. I think it’s time for you to make a decision.”
Her words were so kind, I didn’t understand why she’d felt the need to make a disclaimer. She hardly sounded like an outsider.
“I know you’re scared. If I were in your shoes…I’d be absolutely terrified.” Miss Yuzuha took my hand in hers. “But you’re not alone anymore.”
I felt my whole body tremble as she said this.
I wasn’t alone.
That thought took root and spread all through me.
“You’ve got Mr. Yoshida,” she continued.
This warmed my heart even more.
She was right. I had Mr. Yoshida now.
Leaving him was scary, but he would give me the strength to make that choice. And…
“…It might sound like I’m trying to stay out of this, but…I’ve got your back, too.”
“I know… I know.”
I felt like I was about to cry again, and I desperately tried to keep my face still and hold back the tears. I was too embarrassed to cry any more than I already had.
It went without saying that Miss Yuzuha had my back. If she didn’t support me, she never would have offered me such kind words of encouragement.
She scratched the tip of her nose with her right hand.
“You probably already know this,” she said, “but I’m gonna say it anyway…”
It sounded like she was having a little more trouble getting her words out now.
“I…um…have a thing for Mr. Yoshida. I’m in love with him.”
“…I know.”
“Uhhh, right, yeah… That’s why I felt a bit conflicted when I first found out about you… Like, um…” Miss Yuzuha scratched her head, blushing slightly as she continued. “Even now…I still feel the same. I know I just said you guys are like family, but to be honest…your bond seems much deeper than that. At least, that’s how it looks to me. That’s why… Hmm, this is a little difficult.”
Miss Yuzuha looked over at me, but I couldn’t read her expression.
“I think from my standpoint, it’d be best if you just went home already.”
“…No beating around the bush, huh?”
“Ha-ha… Sorry. But that…isn’t the only reason I’m telling you this.”
“I know,” I said with a nod.
Miss Yuzuha flashed me an awkward smile, then carried on.
“I can’t bring myself to dislike you, Sayu. You’re honest, you’re determined, and you have such a cute smile.”
I felt my cheeks grow hot.
“Ultimately, I doubt anything I’m saying right now is really for your sake, but…”
Miss Yuzuha paused and blew out a puff of air. The words that followed were slow and steady.
“I can’t help but love you, Sayu. That’s why I want you to keep fighting…so that things will get better. I want you to live your life to the fullest.”
“…Okay.”
“It’ll be all right. You have people by your side now.”
“……Okay.”
Despite my best efforts, tears started pouring from my eyes.
I ran away from my emotions. I ran away from my mom. I spent my life running away.
And yet, as hard as it was, I was still glad all that running had brought me here.
For the first time, I felt like my life wasn’t all one big mistake.
“Ungh…”
“Oh no. Your face is a mess again…”
“I can’t help it…”
Unable to stop my tears, I decided to accept Miss Yuzuha’s handkerchief after all.
“Oh, welcome back.”
When I brought Sayu back to Mr. Yoshida’s apartment, he came to the door with his eyes all puffy and swollen.