About someone? Well...
“Right now... there’s someone in your heart. Someone who’s not me,” she said.
How did she notice that?
“I-I’m sorry!” I bowed apologetically at her. She’d realized what was going on in my head, and I felt like an idiot. I shouldn’t subject her to this. The least I could do now was be honest. I wouldn’t hide the truth from her any longer. “I’m so sorry, I...”
I tried to ignore it, but that turned out to be pointless. I should have noticed earlier... or maybe I did notice, but I didn’t want to admit the truth to myself. I have Minami. Nishina has Yuya. We can’t be together. But I can’t keep lying to myself. Running away from my own feelings will hurt Minami... I’m such a horrible person.
“Yes,” I said. “You’re right... I... I’m in love with Nishina.”
Only after saying it out loud did I realize how true that was. I loved Kokoro. After living with her, spending so much time with her, struggling alongside her... I’d fallen in love with her strength and her kindness.
Minami let out a single gloomy laugh. “Hah... Since we first started dating—actually, even before that—I imagined that might be the case,” she said.
“What?!”
I had always liked Elena. I was sure of that. But some time since our meeting, without me realizing, my love for Kokoro had taken shape. My feelings had always been skewed by one assumption: that Kokoro could never like me in a romantic way. I hadn’t realized I loved her, because I knew that I shouldn’t love her. When I’d learned that she could end up dating Yuya, pain had welled up in my chest. I’d been trying not to think about it, but maybe it was too late. Maybe I was already in love with her.
“Ichigaya... I love you. I loved you before we started dating, and I love you now.” Elena’s words pierced through my chest like a dagger. “That’s why I was so worried,” she said, still smiling. “Worried that you loved someone else.”
“But that’s...”
“I know that saying it right now isn’t fair... but I wanted to talk more with you, to meet up with you more often, only... I had a hunch that you probably didn’t feel the same way. That made it difficult to invite you out.”
Is that how she felt all along? She said that it’s like nothing’s changed since before we were dating. Now I know what she meant. She wanted to become closer to me...
“I like you a lot, but I can tell that you’ve never liked me quite as much.”
“I’m sorry, Minami. All this time, I’ve been hurting you...”
“No, please! You shouldn’t apologize. I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent with you, and I only have myself to blame if I’ve lost to Nishina,” Elena said with a joyless laugh.
How can she be so kind to me after I’ve broken up with her like this?!
“That’s not true! You’re such a wonderful, perfect girl! I always thought you were too good for me...”
“I’m truly happy to hear that. Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart. Nothing could make me happier than for you to be happy with the girl you love. I wish only the best for you and for Nishina.”
I watched as tears began to trickle down Elena’s soft cheeks. I just broke up with such a kindhearted girl... I must be the greatest idiot in all of human history.
“Thank you, Minami! And sorry! Sorry for everything!”
There were so many more things that I wanted to tell her: how happy I was to have met her, how much I enjoyed my time with her too, and how I still wanted to root for her as a voice actress. But I didn’t have the right to say any of that. All I could do was apologize.
“I’ll keep chasing my dreams, and one day, I’ll become a great voice actress! So great that you’ll regret not staying with me! So... keep cheering me on, okay?” Elena had put all of her soul into the smile she was showing me. Her eyes, however, were filled with tears. She turned around so that I could no longer see her crying and then started running.
“Mi—” I started to call out to her, but I stopped. It wouldn’t have been right. Elena had forced herself to smile up until the end just so I wouldn’t feel guilty.
I don’t deserve her kindness... but she kept giving it to me. Even at a time like this.
I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for not being able to make you happy. And... thank you for loving someone like me.