Part 59:
The Princess Uses the Orbs to Grant Her Wish
(Part A)
WITH THEIR BREAK at Shoveland over, Alan and the others finally marched on the capital in earnest. Leading their forces was an endlessly cheerful Lithisia.
“For-ward! Sho-vels!” she called.
The Holy Shovel Knights moved via Shovel March (long version: singing “Sho-vel! Sho-vel!” while marching). This kind of Shovel Army would corrupt anyone’s mind at first glance.
“Shovely shovel (read as: this is the true) New Gen Holy Knights of Rostir, shovel!”
Lithisia was on cloud nine. Shovel cloud nine.
In back of her came Catria and Alan, who were not moving via Shovel Movement.
“Is this how the world ends?” Catria whispered with deadened eyes.
Her homeland of Rostir was on the verge of being overrun by shovels. Catria could no longer stop this force on her own. She certainly didn’t feel like she could, anyway.
“Catria, prepare your shovel and don’t let your guard down. Our true fight begins now.”
“No, I’d say the war’s already over.” It didn’t matter whether they faced demons or angels. Catria knew deep down that no force stood a chance against this army.
Truth be told, they’d already bumped into something like over ten thousand demons on their way so far. Alan and Catria hadn’t even needed to draw, as the knights had all used their shovels to plow through the enemy. Zero casualties. Sure, Rostir’s forces had Demon Shovelers equipped, but they were legit way too strong.
Yet Alan shook his head. “It’s always when one is making excellent progress in a dig that one runs into the hardest piece of earth.”
“Hrm, s-sure, I guess.”
“As shospecbattleshovel! (As expected of Sir Miner! You’re a real battlefield shovel!)”
“You’ve combined so many words that I don’t even know what you’re trying to say.”
“Shovel…”
Despite showing some measure of regret after Alan pointed this out, Lithisia still somehow seemed happy. Of course, the princess was always happy when she got to talk to Alan, but today was in a different league altogether. Her first Shovel Kiss in Shoveland had done a number on her; she was at maximum shovel levels of excitement.
“Um, um! Sir Miner!” Lithisia drew near and whispered into his ear. “Um, our advance is almost at an ‘L.’”
“Uh?”
“The last letter of ‘shovel’ is ‘L.’ Therefore, ‘L’ is the ‘end.’”
This was an absurd level of abbreviation.
“Hrm, I didn’t think of that. Not bad, Lithisia.”
“Shovel… S-so I was just wondering if you, um, remembered our promishovel?”
“Our promise… Ah, yes. The first one I made you.”
Lithisia fidgeted as her cheeks turned red, and Alan nodded. The princess had promised to reward him for serving as her bodyguard on this journey. Alan remembered that moment with Lithisia all too clearly.
“I’d be willing to do anything you ask of me after we reclaim my country.”
Back then, Lithisia had still spoken like a human. Alan had asked her to find him a successor, and she had agreed to do so.
It was at that very moment that a fatal misunderstanding had been born, and even now, it was still screwing everything up.
“Hrm, but…”
Lithisia had promised she’d help him find a successor after she took her nation back. Lithisia still remembered too, but…
“The thing is, I already have Kuronono.”
Seconds passed.
“Shoveeeeeeel?!”
The princess’s cry was entirely inhuman. Lithisia stopped in her tracks, as did the Shovel Army. With her red shovel clutched to her chest, Lithisia’s expression morphed into one of pure confusion. Even those watching her were forced to assume this same emotional state.
“K-K-Kuronono, shovel?!”
“Hrm? I thought that was all your doing, Lithisia.”
Lithisia had tried to take Kuronono home from the Light Nation because she had deemed her worthy of becoming Alan’s successor in the mines. Or at least, that was what Alan thought. On his end, he intended to properly recruit Kuronono once things in the Light Nation calmed down a bit.
“Huh? But that was just—I! I was only trying to spread the glory of the shovel to the Light Nation!”
“Erm, but I found her worthy of the role, Lithisia.”
“Sho…” Lithisia couldn’t even finish the word. She gripped her red shovel and continued to stare at Alan, fidgeting wildly as she tried to find the words she wanted to say. She repeated this process over and over. “Do you…shovel Kuronono more than…me?”
As usual, Alan didn’t understand Lithisia’s question. But at Shoveland, he had promised to accept her feelings regardless. That was why Alan thought hard before answering this question.
“Well, if I were to compare the two of you, I’d say she leans more toward human.”
“…”
“Honestly, I have no issue with my successor being a human.”
“…!”
Lithisia’s expression remained as it was, but it took everything in her to keep it so. Her slender hands shook, as did her lips. She gripped her red shovel tightly. Alan’s words had delivered quite the shock. The princess looked up at the sky and took a few deep breaths. She closed her eyes and started whispering something to herself. Sir Miner, Sir Miner… If you desire Kuronono, then…
But all Alan could hear was the prayer word “ALAN.”
Lithisia seemed desperate to keep herself together.
“I…” At length, Lithisia suddenly smiled. She was sweating and even had tears in her eyes, but she nonetheless smiled. “I was actually thinking the same thing, scoopy!”
“Scoopy?!”
She was trying way too hard. “Er, no, I mean, shovel! Shovel!”
“No, no, no.”
It was too late to play this one off. Lithisia was lying through her teeth. The fact that she had said “scoopy” instead of “shovel” proved this. It indicated an incredible distance between her words and her true feelings. Alan could feel it in his bones: he had misunderstood some key element at play.
In a panic, Lithisia attempted to make excuses. “I-It’s not what you think! I was just…! I just!”
VROOOOOON.
Suddenly, the space in front of them morphed violently, giving way to a booming voice.
“Hee hee, welcome to our great nation, Princess Lithisia.”
Before them stood a man dressed in flowing robes and wearing a crown atop his head: Zeleburg, floating in midair.
Lithisia seemed almost relieved as she turned around. “Shovel! (How rare of you to arrive with such nice timing, Zeleburg! I applaud your performance!)”
“Ooh, what a beautiful smile on your face. But what’s this about shovels?”
“Shovel, shovel! (Shovels are shovels!)”
“???”
Zeleburg was instantly driven to confusion by the princess’s bizarre words.
“What’s going on? No, wait, that man next to you…” Zeleburg knocked on his noggin a few times as he stared angrily at Alan. “That’s right! You’re the crude man who brushed my beloved princess’s teeth!”
Catria wore the expression of someone thinking “What the hell were you doing, Your Highness?”
Alan decided to play along for a bit to buy some time. “Exactly. And I’m not handing Lithisia over to you.”
“Shovel…” Lithisia’s chest tightened, but she shook her head quickly, trying to chase away her feelings.
“Ha ha, fascinating! Do you think a lowly human could really defeat a demon?” Zeleburg leered.
“Huh?” asked Alan.
“Haven’t you heard anything from Elise?” asked Lithisia.
“Elise…? Yes, I did in fact hear from her, my princess. Unfortunately, it appears she’s been slightly corrupted by the madness of Hell, as she was spouting absolute nonsense. She said something about that miner there actually being a high-level God who has been hiding his ability to fire a Wave Motion Blast with his shovel. I currently have her locked up for a bit.”
“Yeah, unbelievable, right?” Catria nodded.
Zeleburg’s was the appropriate reaction, after all. And though part of Elise’s testimony was true, part of it was false, and it was all nonetheless absurd. Catria continued to sympathize with the imposter princess.
“Either way, a pathetic human like yourself mustn’t be allowed anywhere near my beloved princess.”
“Unfortunately for you, Alan isn’t human. And for that matter, neither is the princess,” Catria muttered, but Zeleburg didn’t hear her.
Alan gripped his shovel while Zeleburg continued to laugh high above them.
“Ha ha ha! As if I’d ever square off against a lowly human. My underlings shall play with you instead.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Did I not inform the princess herself? My underlings and guardians of the orbs, the Tetrad Archfiends!”
Ah, right, but they’re not—
But Alan didn’t have the chance to speak up.
Zeleburg waved his cape and began to chant. “Answer my call, Undead King, Alice Veknarl!”
Space itself morphed, and two girls sitting at a low dining table appeared in the field.
“What?”
One of them was a silver-haired young girl. In other words, Alice. She sat at a table with a pen in hand, her face pale.
“Nnngh, once I finish up the illustrations from the assault on Rahzelfo I’ll be done with today’s quota… Gosh, these backgrounds are way too detailed!”
Alice’s feet were currently being massaged by an elf girl whose breasts swayed as she worked—in other words, Fio, who had been left back at the World Tree Castle. The two of them were the picture of domestic tranquility.
Zeleburg could only watch on with his mouth agape.
“Hrm… I’m going to need more assistants…” Alice said, then startled. “Ehhh?! Alan?!”
“Glad you’re doing well, Alice.”
“Why are we here? Did we get teleported?”
Zeleburg silently waved his cape again. Alice and Fio disappeared instantaneously, and Zeleburg ran his hand through his hair. “That—that was just the prologue.”
“The what now?”
“I most certainly did not screw up the summoning process. The next time will be the real deal.”
Zeleburg sure did have a lot of bravado.
Ah, this will be perfectly fine, then. Catria felt relieved by this revelation.
However, a mere five minutes later, Catria would regret every last one of her words and deeds. In no way was anything at all perfectly fine.