Part 38:
The Miner Makes Kuronono
His Bikini Disciple
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The royal capital of the Kingdom of Darkness, or The One True Steel City, was presently held by demonic forces, and could be found some thousand feet underground. Alan and the party made their way toward it in the SS Scoop, their supersized underground battleship. At full power, its Wave Motion Shovel Engine could drill all the way to Hell in a single second.
This vessel was Alan’s secret weapon, a moving home base he had developed for the express purpose of adventuring through Hell. It had a ten-bedroom layout with multiple bathrooms and half-baths. The cockpit even had a meeting room built adjacent to it. All in all, it was the perfect living space.
“Seriously…?” On hearing all this, Catria groaned, her head starting to hurt.
Alan, meanwhile, dug into parallel space at high speed. The Wave Motion Shovel Engine’s total output was directly proportional to Alan’s own shovel output.
Catria didn’t even know where to start. “What’s with this joke of a ship…? I mean, is it even a ship?”
As far as Catria’s common sense was concerned, ships were meant to sail upon water. This idiot thing was digging through the earth.
“Horse carriages can fly through the air, but they can’t dig beneath the surface, so we had to use this,” said Alan.
“Horse carriages usually can’t fly through the air!”
But no matter how much Catria pushed back, the metal cockpit before her wasn’t going to be defeated with words. Trying to speak to this man with normal language was an exercise in futility.
“Fine, whatever… So, are you planning on conquering the kingdom with this thing?”
Catria had no doubt the absurd ship in question could probably take down tens of thousands of demons in a matter of seconds.
But Alan shook his head. “According to Kuronono, a resistance organization is fighting against the demon occupation. We’re going to work with them.”
It was a small but determined organization, one Kuronono had been a part of. Their power had enabled her to escape and get her message out.
“Do we really have to work with them?”
“Of course. People have to be allowed to liberate themselves with their own power where possible. Catria, just think back on your fight with the Mage King.”
Catria frowned. She had indeed gained a great deal of confidence through defeating the Mage King without Alan’s help. Furthermore, the fact of the matter was that Catria was much stronger now than she had been when she first met Alan, especially when it came to mental fortitude. If she had relied on Alan all this time, she wouldn’t have gained any of those abilities.
“In order for the Kingdom of Darkness to truly rise again, they can’t rely on me to save them,” said Alan.
Similarly, in her efforts to revitalize elven civilization, Fio worked long and hard all on her own. Alan was just lending her a hand now and then.
“I guess that makes sense…”
Ninety percent of this guy’s crap was full of shovels, but 10 percent of it made sense. Although, in Princess Lithisia’s case, 300 percent of anything she said was Shovel Crap. She was already three times more shoveltastic than should ever be allowed.
“By the way, Alan. Where’s the girl of the hour?” Catria asked.
“I sort of ruined her clothes, so I asked Lithisia get her a new outfit.”
Catria felt a chill in her bones. She shook her head rapidly to get rid of the sensation.
No, she wouldn’t dare. Sure, the princess is kind of berserking these days, but even she wears a pure, classy dress! She’s never once ordered me to change out of my knight armor into some kind of Shovelwear.
It would be fine. The princess generally didn’t step past a certain line. She wouldn’t make a teenager wear anything weird.
Catria repeated this to herself over and over again, but eventually she turned to find a bronze-skinned young girl (tinted a demure red) wearing a pink micro bikini. Kuronono’s legs were stuck together straight as a board and she was rocking back and forth uncomfortably.
“Sorry to keep you waiting! I present to you, a very scoopy little Kuronono!” Lithisia explained from off to the side with a big smile.
“WHAT ARE YOU MAKING HER WEAR, YOUR HIGHNESS?!”
“Eeeee…” Kuronono squirmed. Her bikini didn’t cover nearly as much as her original outfit had, and rather obviously it was far more troubling.
Alan was so stunned by the sight that the Shovel Engine ground to a halt.
“Fear not, Catria!” declared Lithisia. “This is just diplomacy between the royalty of two nations!”
“Your Highness, I formally request that you apologize to every diplomat in the world.”
“And anyway, Kuronono requested shothes (Shovel Clothes) herself.”
The bronze-skinned princess sidled over to Alan’s side and looked up at him as she blushed. “Am I…scoop enough?”
Alan was seized by an ungodly headache. “How did it come to this?”
Kuronono seemed puzzled. “Didn’t you know Rostir’s condition for assistance was that I ‘offer my scoopy body to Sir Alan’?”
“Why…?”
“Sir Miner, allow me to explain, shovel!”
And so Lithisia did. Since times long past, Rostir and the Kingdom of Darkness had no formal communication or interaction with one another. Lithisia and Kuronono’s meeting was the beginning of a new relationship. In order to affirm their bond as new sister nations, Lithisia wanted Kuronono to be shoveled by Alan, just like she would be.
“And so I had her promise to ‘shovel’ with you for the first time.”
“Y-yes, exactly!”
Lithisia pushed Kuronono forward as she explained, the younger girl’s cheeks bright red.
Ohhhhh, Alan thought to himself.
The so-called promise to “shovel” he had made with Lithisia (as far as he was concerned, anyway) was that she would “create a successor” for him, i.e., she was going to gather candidates to be his apprentice. But Lithisia was more than capable enough of doing that on her own. He also couldn’t figure out why a search for an apprentice involved putting Kuronono in a bikini.
“Sir Miner, Kuronono is fantastically shoveltractive!”
“Putting aside your failure to use human words, I already said she was beautiful.”
Wait a second.
“Don’t tell me you mean to have me take her back to the mountain with me?”
Lithisia nodded firmly.
Did the princess mean this very girl was to be Alan’s successor? But Kuronono was still so young, and royalty of a foreign nation at that!
No, perhaps that was exactly why Lithisia had chosen her. Kidnapping the royalty of an enemy nation and taking them home as political hostages was certainly one form of diplomatic strategy. And after all, Alan’s mountain and the space beneath it were technically part of Rostir’s territory. If Alan had the princess of a foreign kingdom work with him, it would establish a certain hierarchy between the two countries.
“But then what’s the point of this absurd bikini?”
Kuronono inched forward and slowly removed the hands covering her exposed skin as she strengthened her resolve. “U-um… I thought…if I showed you my body… I…could have you decide whether or not I can ‘shovel’…”
“Aha.”
In other words, Kuronono wanted Alan to assess the movement of her muscles. It was indeed true that mining involved hard labor, so having good Shovel Form was critical. If Alan was going to raise a disciple, he would have to carefully monitor their body, and in that sense, a micro bikini was ideal training gear since it rendered Kuronono’s musculature wholly visible.
I get it now. Nothing about this is creepy, Alan decided.
Nothing about this was creepy at all.
“I’m unforgiving (as an instructor),” he told Kuronono. “Are you okay with that?”
Kuronono’s frail body shivered but her resolve remained unshaken.
“If you need my body…my damaged body…” Kuronono touched one of the scars she yet bore from torture. She clenched her fists. “I’d be happy to offer myself to your shovel, Sir Alan.”
Her expression was tense, but one could make out the faint light of curiosity in her eyes.
“I’m prepared. I know I’m ignorant of much, and inexperienced, but I leave myself in your capable hands!”
“All right. Then let me get you a shovel.” With that, Alan whipped one of his spare shovels and presented it to Kuronono.
“Huh…?”
“What is it? If you’re going to follow me, you’re going to need one.”
Kuronono stared at the object in silence for a long moment before nodding. “I-I’m not sure I understand, but, um, I’m going to use this shovel, right?”
“Correct. Make sure you get your body used to it.”
“Get used to…this? It’s so…big, but, um, I’ll do my best…”
Something is deeply wrong here. Catria sensed some sort of awful shovel misunderstanding was currently underway, but she dedicatedly kept her mouth shut and stuck in her earplugs. This miner and princess would never listen to her words of basic human logic.
“Okay, Kuronono. It’s about time you lead us to the resistance base.”
“Yes, of course! Gosh, I hope everyone’s okay…”
Alan saw the worry on her face and patted her head.
“It’s going to be okay, Kuronono. When it comes to matters of the underground…” The miner gripped his shovel. “The shovel is invincible.”
“Shing! (Shovmazing! (Sir Miner’s shovel is so amazing that it’s invincible!))” Lithisia’s translation was only getting worse.
“And first of all, is there any place where your dumb shovel isn’t invincible?” Catria moaned.
But Catria’s words were swallowed by the sounds of the Shovel Drill.
And so the party headed deep below the surface, to the hellish nation ruled by demons…