The party listened as Kuronono explained the dire circumstances of the Kingdom of Darkness. Five years ago, she had been the kingdom’s princess, but now she was nothing more than a slave. Demons had led a rebellion against the royal family.
The kingdom was all about mining the mountains and earth, so during Kuronono’s childhood they had summoned several tens of thousands of demons to serve this end.
“We used the demons for their labor… But we were wrong.”
Even young as she was, Kuronono had been against her father’s plan. She knew the ancient magic kingdom had thrived by using demons as an enslaved workforce, but the Kingdom of Darkness’ magical technology was nowhere near as advanced as that of the ancients’. Summoning demons was, therefore, far too dangerous, especially in such large numbers. But no matter what the young Kuronono said, her father the king refused to listen.
Then it all fell apart.
The Pleasure Bell that controlled the demons vanished from the Great Cathedral, and with that, everything changed. The king was murdered, and the kingdom’s citizens were enslaved just as the demons had been. Now, once humans exhausted themselves in physical labor for the demons, they became demon food. The situation was especially horrifying for women, who were forced to do hard labor until they came of age, after which they became “seedbeds” for the demons.
All the former citizens of the kingdom were doomed to end their lives deep beneath the surface. Even the sky over the mountains was filled with storm clouds created by the demons, so there was no chance anyone would ever see the sun.
“Humans of the Kingdom of Darkness no longer see the light. We have only the fires of Hell to comfort us.” Kuronono meant the literal version of Hell. As she trailed off, she tried to hide the pain in her eyes. “Lady Catria, Sir Alan. Please tell your nation what happened here.”
“Our nation?”
“Yes, preferably someone of royal blood. Time is of the essence!”
Upon building the Obsidian Gate, the Kingdom of Darkness had been effectively cut off from all communication with the outside world. This had proved to be the key to humanity’s ruin. A massive demon army was being cultivated behind that enormous gate. The women who had been turned into “seedbeds” gave birth to more demons for the planned great invasion while the enslaved men continued to forge the demons’ weapons.
Soon the demons would be ready to start an all-out war to enslave the rest of humanity.
“Curse it all! How could this be?!” Catria dug her feet into the ground. Was this the reason demons had attacked Rostir as well? “Kuronono, thank you for sharing this with us.”
This girl had fled from Hell itself. As a Holy Knight, Catria couldn’t look past her plight. Just as she had made her decision…
“I’ve heard everything, shovel!” Lithisia’s voice echoed out from the carriage, immediately dispelling the tense atmosphere.
Kuronono blinked rapidly at the carriage. As she did, Princess Lithisia descended from it, regal of bearing and pure of shovel.
“Your Highness, we’re trying to have an adult conversation,” said Catria through gritted teeth. “No shoveling or scooping allowed.”
“All shovels are adult shovels, Scootria.”
Who in the hell was Scootria? The intensity of the princess’s shovelness (???) had seemingly grown worse.
“H-huh? Your Highness…?” said Kuronono. “Wait, are you Princess Lithisia?!”
“Scoooop! (That I am!)”
Kuronono couldn’t hide her shock.
This is bad, thought Catria. Should I trick her and tell her we all wear earplugs when addressing the princess?
No, that would be a step too far, even in the name of the fight against shovelfication.
Lithisia spoke. “Lady Kuronono, you’ve shoveled well. Please, leave the scooping to us.”
“Really?! Ah…thank you, thank you so much!”
“Howshovel!” Lithisia pointed her shovel at Kuronono.
She clearly wanted to say “however.” Catria was profoundly sad she could understand that. The princess was literally just substituting any and every word with “shovel,” or “scoop,” or some variation thereof.
“Now that you’ve made a formal scooquest of a Shovel Princess, my nation will require adequate payment, shovel!”
“Payment…?”
Alan, who had remained quiet as he stared up at the sky, finally cut in. “Lithisia, that really won’t be necessary.”
“Sir Miner, you’ll have to excuse me, but this is a matter of international business for Rostir. A Shovel Payment is necessary.”
“Hm, is that really the case?”
Whatever his doubts, it was true that if this was to be a negotiation of international policy, Alan was obligated to stay out of it.
“That’s really the case, scoop. Hee hee…” Lithisia’s eyes glowed suspiciously as she drew close to Kuronono’s ear and whispered into it.
“Huh?! Eeek!” Kuronono glanced at Alan and in an instant, her bronze skin turned pink.
“This is an official request. Plus, I’m sure you’re not against it.”
“Um, I…but…”
“Yo, Lithisia,” said Alan.
Kuronono was too overwhelmed to process Alan’s interruption. She squirmed, turning in on herself with all the shyness due to an inexperienced young woman. But once her line of sight settled on her chest, her expression darkened. She bowed her head apologetically. “I’m sorry, but…I can’t do that.”
“Don’t worry! The shovel doesn’t hurt.”
“Lithisia.”
“That’s not it…”
Kuronono, having made her decision, rolled up her upper garments to reveal the stretch of skin from her belly button up to just below her small but shapely chest. What drew the eyes more than anything was the tattooed scarification on her stomach, which was in the shape of a horrific demon.
“Demons use their poisonous body fluids to carve this symbol into the bodies of women who will one day serve them as seedbeds.” Traces of blood were yet visible on Kuronono’s stomach as she grimaced. It was clear it hurt dreadfully. “A-all who bear this tattoo die if they…are touched by any man who isn’t a demon.”
“Shoveeeel (rage).”
“Your Highness, quiet.”
“But to be honest, Sir Alan…no, any man…” Kuronono lowered her gaze forlornly and smiled. “Any man would think twice before even looking at a woman with a scar like this…”
“Shovel! (That has nothing to do with it!)”
“Your Highness, please show some self-restraint.”
“And there’s one other problem…ah…nngh…” Slowly but steadily, blood began to seep from Kuronono’s scar. It didn’t show any sign of stopping, and indeed grew worse and worse.
“Shovel (worry)?!”
“Your Highness, go home. Are you okay, Kuronono?!”
“No, I…I’m sorry… It looks like I’m out of time…” Kuronono managed to maintain a smile as sweat slid down her temples. “Citizens of the kingdom are…forbidden from leaving…”
The blood flowed ever more intensely. If Kuronono lost any more, it would be fatal. Her scar now glowed a despicable dark red. This was the curse of the demons’ tattoo. Yet despite this intense pain, Kuronono continued to gaze at Alan.
“I’m…not long for this world.” She couldn’t afford to die until she fulfilled her mission. “That’s why I beg of you all…”
“Shovel! (Don’t speak!)”
“Your Highness, just stop…” groaned Catria. “Wait, no, now’s not the time for that! Alan!”
“Roger. I’m good to go.”
Alan swept Kuronono up in his arms, and the second he did, a strange sensation overwhelmed her entire body. Nothing hurt anymore. She was warm; the parts of her body being touched by Alan tingled with strange fire. Had her senses completely shorted out?
Was she dying?
“Kuronono, there are two things I have to correct you on.”
“Huh…?”
“A woman’s true beauty defies the scars of the flesh.”
“H-huh?!”
Badump, badump!
“True beauty lies in the depths of one’s heart. And in that sense, you’re exquisitely beautiful already.”
“But, I…I…” Kuronono’s heart was racing a mile a minute.
No way. Did this man truly consider her worthy of love, even after she had endured torture, even after this scar had been carved into her body? Alan directed his serious gaze at the grim tattoo on her stomach, as if in direct challenge to her thoughts. She was terribly embarrassed, and her whole body was burning red-hot. But…
“Eeee…”
She was also ecstatically happy. Kuronono would get to leave to the next world whilst being tenderly held by this strong miner. Her heart felt like it was about to melt, even as the strength left her body.
I can’t believe it, she whispered in her heart of hearts.
“We’re going to shovel, Kuronono.”
She swallowed and nodded. She didn’t know what that meant, really, she only knew she was going to die. But if it was something this gentle man was going to do, she didn’t mind.
While silently expressing gratitude toward Alan, she closed her eyes.
“DIG!”
In one fell swoop, Alan dug a human-shaped hole and buried Kuronono within it. He left only her face above ground. It kind of resembled when men and women bury themselves on the beach for fun.
“Huh…?” Kuronono stared down at herself. What the…?
“I’m removing the poison from you,” Alan explained.
Next to him, Catria looked like she had had enough of everything.
“There we go. I’ve drained the last of the demonic poison. When you drain the poisons from a fish, you bury it in dirt, you know? It’s just like that.”
“Scooptical! (Wow, what a practical shovel treatment!)”
“Your Highness, you’ve brought new meaning to the word ‘forced.’”
Five seconds later, Alan dug Kuronono up from her hole. Her stomach was still bare, but her demonic tattoo had vanished, her blood no longer flowed from the wound, and her skin was as smooth as it once had been. She even felt healthier; all of her muscle pains were gone.
Kuronono’s mouth fell open in astonishment. “Uh…um…what the?!”
Her words rang with confusion. She clearly had no idea what had just transpired.
“Now I said I had to correct you on two things. That was the first. For the second, you said that citizens of the Kingdom of Darkness could no longer see light.”
“Y-yes, and?!”
“That ends today.” Alan pointed his shovel toward the heavens. “DIG!”
A column of light erupted from his shovel, shooting into the sky like a reverse shooting star and smashing through the storm clouds. It was like the sun itself had exploded as rainbow light spread throughout the land.
After that, the true sun revealed itself, illuminating Kuronono’s bronze skin. In one blow, Alan obliterated the storm clouds that had drowned the sky.
“From now on, the Kingdom of Darkness will be known as the Kingdom of Light.”
Kuronono cast her empty gaze at the sun above. Lithisia watched from afar with a smile on her face. Catria, on the other hand, sighed at the three of them.
✦ ✦ ✦
See? I knew it. This whole thing is ridiculous.