I’d never known my family. According to the nuns who raised me, they’d found me passed out in front of the church one snowy morning. The adults around me had all told me how I would’ve died if they’d found me any later, and how there’d been snow piled up everywhere except the spot I’d been lying, and other pretty stories to get me to believe in “the Gods.” I hadn’t been able to just quietly nod along, though. I’m not sure why. Maybe I was colder than other people, or a little bit sharper. I just got a vague feeling that these “Gods” they kept talking about couldn’t be real; and as I thought about what all those stories meant if the Gods weren’t real, I saw the world behind the curtain.
Once you start to look at the world that way, even miracles turn into nothing but parlor tricks. The time we spent in prayer began to look bizarre; idiotic, even.
The reason I continued to pray anyway was simple: I had nothing else to turn to. This world was much too cruel for me to survive on my own.
Any transgression against the will of “the Gods” would leave me branded a heathen, to be persecuted or outright disposed of. I didn’t want to end up that way. With each and every “heathen” I was sent to deal with, I grew more and more certain of that. This was what I needed to do to be allowed to remain in this world.
Luckily, the man who took me from the orphanage was one of the more tolerable assholes, relatively speaking. Compared to the idiots who mistook their convents for brothels or slave-houses, or the cardinals who saw their underlings as nothing but disposable pawns, my boss was pretty reasonable. Although I still couldn’t refuse any orders I was given, he was at least willing to forgive me if I kicked him around a bit.
That was why I couldn’t afford to have him lose his standing, and I absolutely couldn’t afford to have him die on me. My current work environment wasn’t the best, but it definitely wasn’t the worst either; I needed to do what I could to maintain it. I absolutely needed Glasses to stay alive...
“My goodness me, the assassination of a cardinal is simply unprecedented! It’s a cardinal sin!” High Cardinal Salamanrius, the boss who’d seen me off with a smile a few days ago, spoke cheerfully through my ear stud.
These piercings were given only to enforcers reporting directly to cardinals; they contained magicite stones imbued with spells for long-distance communication. We called it “the Guiding Light.” It was pretty convenient, all in all.
Honestly, my boss’s cheery voice was unpleasant enough that, for a moment, I raised my finger to end the call. Unfortunately, there were too many things we needed to talk about. For instance, what a shame it was that he wasn’t the one who’d died.
“Oh dear, I’m picking up some unwholesome thoughts!” he said.
“That isn’t how these work. Please drop dead, Your Eminence.”
A cardinal had just been assassinated. This was a serious situation where every second counted, but he sounded utterly carefree.
Since my boss seemed completely unperturbed by the death of one of his colleagues, I tried to move the conversation forward myself. “Was the victim a cardinal priest? Or a cardinal deacon, maybe?”
Compared to the cardinal bishops, who mostly stayed holed up in their cathedrals, the cardinal priests and cardinal deacons spent a lot more time out and about. The lower-ranking cardinals had fewer guards assigned to them, as well. With the Church shorthanded from hunting down the remnants of the demons’ army, there weren’t enough guards to go around; lately, I’d even heard of cardinal deacons traveling entirely unguarded. And all the while, the Church of the Hero was out there challenging people’s faith... Wait, could the killer be from the Church of the Hero?
Glasses gave a lightly mocking chuckle, as though he knew exactly what I was thinking. “Unfortunately, the victim was one of the Seven High Cardinals, Cardinal Chaucus.”
I stood there agape. “You’re joking. That’s impossible.”
“My thoughts exactly. I certainly can’t imagine it’s the work of human hands.”
I’d heard a lot of nasty rumors about Cardinal Chaucus. Honestly, it was a bit of a relief to hear he’d died, but...
“You think it’s demons, then?” I asked.
“At the moment, that’s the most natural conclusion. He was more cautious than anyone when it came to personal security.”
And yet, someone had slipped through and assassinated him anyway. My thoughts were racing. “This is really bad news.”
“Right?”
There was no way this would end here. With the Demon Lord dead and his armies crumbling, this could be a last-ditch effort to strike a critical blow at us in return—in which case, my boss was in danger too.
“Should I head back?” I asked.
The Hero assassination plot, or “Harem Project” or whatever, was the least of our concerns now. We had more pressing matters to deal with than this stupid infighting, and I had more than enough reason to write off the trip here and make my way home. Frankly, even if I did head back now, it might already be too late by the time I arrived... But if there was a chance I could make it in time, it was worth it. Sure, I told Glasses to drop dead on a daily basis, but there was a huge difference between “I wish he’d die” and “I’d be fine with him dying.”
“I’m glad you’re so concerned for me, but if the killer does turn out to be one of the former Demon Lord’s generals, you wouldn’t be able to handle it regardless. So I’d like you to track down the Hero and make contact with him as planned. Depending on how things go, we might need him to lend us his renowned strength.”
“You really are a total scumbag, Your Eminence.”
He’d said all that stuff about assassinating or breaking or whatever, but the moment he was in any personal danger, he switched tracks completely. Even the Gods must’ve been shocked at his total lack of principles. O Gods, please look upon your poor lost lamb and strike him down in your wrath. Amen.
“I can’t help it,” Glasses replied. “Man is but imperfect, after all.”
“You’re using the words of the Gods to make excuses now? You’re absolutely shameless. Also, please stop reading my mind—it’s creepy.”
“Oh?”
If I didn’t need to head back, that was fine too. Right after I’d finally been freed from the hard floor of the freight wagon, willingly stepping back into that prison would be sheer stupidity. My butt and back were already at their limit.
“Could you get me nicer transportation next time?” I asked. At the very least, carry me around on a big fluffy bed or something, instead of a wagon floor.
“Try to make the best of it. We mustn’t be frivolous in the sight of the Gods.”
Not like you give a shit.
“Fine,” I said. “Please take just enough care of yourself, Your Eminence.”
“I will. I’m not crazy about dying either.”
“Is that so,” I deadpanned.
I returned my thoughts to the mission. Once I arrived, I’d been planning to go pay my respects to High Cardinal Kyrius, the member of the Seven High Cardinals who oversaw this city. Now that one of his colleagues had just been assassinated, though, that’d be a lot more difficult. I definitely didn’t want to end up as a suspect.
“Also, please reach out to the cardinal for me,” I asked. The truth was, I’d rather not meet with him at all if I could avoid it. With all my business concluded, I moved to end the call, but—
“Oh, one more thing...” the cardinal interrupted, deliberately waiting until the last second.
I reluctantly gave him my attention. It’s hard being a loyal subordinate.
“What is it? This had better not be something stupid...”
“I’m looking forward to welcoming you home once you’ve become a woman!”
“Die!” I ended the call.
It was hard to believe this was the surrogate father figure who’d taken me from the orphanage and taught me all he could. If he’d been there in person, I probably would’ve broken his legs.