The idiot leaned down to whisper gleefully in my ear, “Fight love with love... ♡”
“Gah...!” Gross!
He paused. “You sound a bit shocked.”
“My apologies, Your Eminence, that was just creepy as fuck.” I regathered my thoughts. “Anyway, what are you talking about?”
“Ah, right...” Glasses took the documents back from me and began flipping through them. “Yup, just a sec...”
He finally found what he’d been looking for, pulling out a few pages and tossing the rest aside.
“Presenting the Harem Project!” he proclaimed loudly. “Your mission: use your allure and your charms to break the Hero’s will!”
There was a long, awkward silence as that stupid name echoed faintly through the cathedral.
“Woooow...” I said flatly.
So, they wanted me to approach the Hero—the one who’d vanquished the Demon Lord, the one who countless talented women had already failed to seduce—and seduce him. I was expected to do this. I, an inquisitor, but first and foremost, a bride of the Gods.
And after years of workplace sexual harassment from Glasses over being flat-chested or not smiling enough or whatever, in a critical situation where a single misstep could make an enemy of our nation’s champion, we were really going with “Harem”?
I stared at the cardinal. “Would you like to die now, Your Eminence?”
I’ll be sure to read you your last rites, in honor of our long acquaintance... As I took out my bible, his hand whipped out in a “stop” gesture, and he wagged his finger at me with a “tsk, tsk, tsk!”
Die.
“I’m not joking at all, you know. This is ultimately just a theory, but our investigations have suggested that you’ll be able to ignore ‘the love of the Gods’ if you have the love of the Hero. His blessing reacts to perceived hostility and repels those who come into contact with him; so if you’re beloved by the Hero, it should let you through!”
“Uh-huh... Are you sure you mean ‘theory’ and not ‘wild guess’?” It all sounded like total bullshit.
“They say that at times, people will sacrifice their very lives for the sake of those they love!” he declared. “As a champion, as the Hero, all the more so!”
In other words, I’d use love to stab him through the heart. Wooow, so funny! I wasn’t laughing, though.
I sighed. “You do realize this means you’ll be losing a highly skilled inquisitor whether I succeed or fail?”
“Come now, I never said you needed to offer up your body! Every individual has their own unique form of love. There are those who experience platonic love, after all...” The cardinal launched into a sermon about the selfless loving care of a holy mother for her children or something. I made sure to give his words of wisdom the attention they deserved. Mute! ☆
I returned my focus to the documents.
“Seriously, what a pain in the ass...” I muttered. But all the same, by the ring on my finger and the vows it carried, I had no choice but to take on this job.
“All right, I understand that these are unique circumstances. But you do expect this to actually work, right?” I asked sharply as Glasses continued blathering.
Raising his arms in the air as he kept on going, the cardinal gave me a self-satisfied nod. Then he nodded his head deeply once again. Was this man a total idiot?
“Based on my own experience, I’m virtually certain of it,” he replied. “Well-endowed women clearly aren’t the Hero’s type; so, Alicia, I’m certain you’ll—”
“Right, commencing assassination.” You first, then the Hero.
The corner of my bible, slammed down with murderous intent, left the cardinal unconscious for just a few minutes. As soon as he got back up, he sent me off with another shit-eating grin. I’d hoped the impact might’ve given him amnesia, but no such luck. I boarded a freight wagon that was ready and waiting for me, bound for the city where the Hero was staying.
I grumbled to myself as I sat on the hard floor of the wagon; it felt like I was a tribute being shipped out for delivery. With a deep sigh, I stared up at the ceiling I’d be getting acquainted with for the next few days, ruminating on the contents of the now-burned divine orders.
My target was the Hero who’d killed the Demon Lord, and my mission was to approach, entice, and assassinate him.
“What a pain...”
I’d had plenty of complicated jobs before, but they’d pretty much all been things like breaking into a nobleman’s heavily guarded manor, or wiping out an order of heathen missionaries who’d snuck into the capital—difficult, but all more or less workable with enough brute force, in the end. I understood fully that those were the kinds of jobs I was best suited for; shitty disguises, infiltration, and reconnaissance just weren’t my style. That was why I was an inquisitor and an enforcer. But now, they wanted me to build up an intimate relationship with someone, then kill him...
“Ugggghhhh...” I sighed once again. This was such a pain...
Just as I was feeling well and truly fed up, I saw a wagon packed with slaves passing ahead of us. They were all young children—probably being shipped out to some pervert somewhere, or to a brothel in the borderlands. Either way, their future was anything but bright. They’d get toyed with for as long as they remained entertaining, and then once they broke, they’d become pig feed. Even if they avoided that fate, they’d live out their lives being treated worse than cattle.
I found myself staring out, frozen, and cut off my train of thought.
Well, as long as I could kill the Hero, all I needed to do was kill him. Divine protection or not, in the end, he was only human. As long as I could get through that legendary “love of the Gods” or whatever, I’d just stick a knife in him, mission complete.
I worked myself harder than most people, I got more blood on my hands than most people, and in return, I got to live a better life than most people. In this world, that was something irreplaceably precious.
There aren’t any Gods to look out for us here.
The “Gods” whose word the Church preached were nothing but a fantasy made up to manipulate the masses. There never had been any, and there never would be—they were just a useful lie.
But even so, for most people, seeing was believing—even if all they’d seen was a phony miracle manufactured by a bunch of frauds.
I kept staring out in silence. I didn’t want to lie to the “merchandise” on the passing wagon. But faced with a life being treated like cattle by some sick “master,” who wouldn’t try and pray to some made-up Gods? Who wouldn’t cling to a church that claimed to speak on the Gods’ behalf?
And so...
“May the blessings of the Gods be with you.”
I lifted my voice to the Gods, offering prayers I didn’t believe a word of. That was the only reason anyone needed me in this world, after all.
I was on my way to the borderlands, where raids by the remnants of the demons’ army were still a regular occurrence. My destination was on the front lines of the war against the demons, our country’s first line of defense: Arshelm, the World’s End. It was a seedy, violent place, and it had taken much heavier casualties than the central cities.
It wasn’t the kind of place any bride of the Gods would want to travel to alone. But all the same, by the ring on my finger and the vows it carried, it was where I was bound to go. To serve the fools who preached the hollow words of the Gods; to kill the Hero who’d vanquished the Demon Lord.
All would be as the Gods willed it.
I’d only just arrived when I received word that a cardinal had been assassinated.