“Most wise, Your Majesty. The only foes you need to best are monsters and the enemies of your subjects,” Lyse said with a bow.
“That’s not wisdom. An emperor ought to understand that much implicitly, but it eluded me as a boy. Foolishly, the only thing on my mind at that age was beating Qatora—the ultimate glory in my mind.”
“Boys will be boys, after all.” Lyse believed it would have been worse to have no mettle. The only people who’d ever outranked Egbert were his parents, and most folks would have been satisfied with such a peerless existence—complacent with their abilities and happy to stagnate. But Egbert sought to be better, as befitting a man destined to take the Razanate throne. “As a child, I was always desperate to best my brother in sword fighting as well.”
“That’s right, isn’t it?” Egbert said, laughing. “I suppose I only had defeating Qatora in mind, but Sidis... He was too good at hiding for his own good. He’d always crawl out of his hiding spot teary-eyed, and you’d always be there to console him. I was envious. I... I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I wanted to be spoiled too.”
From the day Egbert was born, great expectations had been placed on him. Had he been a more delicate child, he might have gotten the affection he longed for. But he was strong and obstinate. Qatora had sympathized with that.
I thought I’d let him have his way.
Young though he’d been at the time, the emperor-to-be was still deserving of respect. Chastising his stubbornness might have wounded his pride. But in the end, he was only human, and humans—especially children—can harbor great loneliness.
“And so I made a promise to myself back then. If I could best Qatora, I would allow myself to be pampered. But just as I thought I was on the cusp of success, I began to have doubts.” With that, Egbert turned to Lyse. “Would I be satisfied with being spoiled? Sidis wouldn’t have objected, though I doubt he would’ve expected me to be pampered all my life. My parents were still alive, after all.”
Lyse nodded sagely in understanding. Sidis had already lost his mother by the time Qatora was taking care of him, which was why he lived at the palace. He grew attached to her as a mother figure, even if it was only for a short amount of time. He soon came to realize his love for her was of a different nature. Still, he was but a child and knew there was nothing more he could do than indulge in her affection. Sidis had always assumed that Egbert simply saw Qatora as a playmate—and so he’d paid no heed to Egbert’s feelings when they were younger. But the adage about making assumptions is all too true.
“I initially thought of Qatora as an older sister, and like many younger brothers do, I wanted her attention all to myself. But from time to time, I realized that I was jealous of how she doted on Sidis. I was bitter, and it wasn’t because I felt like he was the favorite child. The love in the way he spoke to Qatora was special, and I didn’t want her taken from me. I...” Egbert paused there briefly before muttering, “Well, any way you cut it, that doesn’t sound much like sibling affection.”
Lyse didn’t know what to say, but it wasn’t as if Egbert was expecting a response.
He continued, “I considered all sorts of what-ifs back then. As the emperor-to-be, I needed to find an empress of imperial blood with strong mana. But Qatora’s magic was never all that. Though she was resistant enough to the Light to be posted at the villa, she never could have been empress. The people around us wouldn’t have stood for it. And I knew that.”
“You really did think about everything...” Lyse unwittingly mumbled.
“I guess so,” Egbert said with a shrug. “But after that, I could no longer see being the emperor as a privilege. It’s why I’m happy to give it up to anyone who has enough mana and a desire to protect the empire.”
Lyse had heard over and over since their reunion that Egbert wanted to abdicate. Ultimately, it apparently wasn’t because Sidis bore the Light. It was because the position had denied him a life with the woman he loved.
“Giving up wasn’t the hard part, but keeping quiet about how I felt was. Who knows? Maybe there was a part of me hoping that being honest would change her mind. But that would’ve meant breaking my promise and failing Qatora, so...”
“I promised I’d protect you when I’m strong enough...”
That was the meaning behind young Egbert’s promise—his desire to get stronger, to best Qatora, and to show his love for her. Judging by Lyse’s reaction to his words, Egbert knew that she understood.
“But I’m glad I kept quiet in the end. I almost lost Sidis, my dearest friend. Though he miraculously recovered from the incident that day, he never got over Qatora. It was all too obvious that he felt far stronger for her than I did, and so I quickly made peace with my feelings,” he said with a chuckle.
Hearing that, Lyse smiled again. For Egbert, it had been over a century since he’d resolved his feelings for Qatora. Lyse finding out about it now was little more than an unforeseen consequence of the magic. He looked relieved to have the chance to share such old emotions, even if he no longer dwelled on them now.
“But it was hard to forgive myself too. No matter how hard I trained, I was but a wee lad with no real fighting experience. Sidis was nearly killed, yet I just froze in my tracks. I couldn’t even save Qatora, a knight of mine. The whole damn tragedy was over before I could even react. It deeply made me question how strong I truly was. And while I was wallowing in despair, it was Alcede who came and verbally slapped me back to sanity.”
“Is that so? Speaking of, I don’t think I ever met Duke Alcede back then. When did he come to the palace?” Lyse asked. She’d been wondering about that for some time.
“He was physically weak as a child, so he never visited back then. It wasn’t until soon after that fateful day that he became healthy enough to show his face frequently.”
“Oh, so that’s why I didn’t know him.” Even imperial nobles weren’t immune to illness, especially as children. It wasn’t uncommon for them to get sick.
“It’s also how he got his sweet tooth. He couldn’t keep much down, but he always had an appetite for dessert.”
“So that’s how it came about...” Lyse had always figured he’d been born that way.
“Yup, so, now you know the whole story. It’s nothing to worry about,” Egbert assured her, bringing the conversation to a somewhat swift end.
Lyse gave a soft, polite chuckle and bowed to him.
Meanwhile, Sidis was a little anxious.
“All right, with the help of Karl’s research, we have a complete spell circle now. That means it’s time to look into how to fix everything!” Alcede announced as he carefully tucked his memos into his breast pocket before leaving the villa.
“Whew, I’m tuckered out too. Maybe mind control just isn’t my thing after all,” Egbert joked as he took a big stretch and made for his office.
Lyse and Sidis saw them off, then suddenly found themselves looking at each other.
“What did His Majesty want to discuss, Lyse? Was something the matter?” he asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Lyse smiled and replied, “Not at all. It’s just that when His Majesty used the power of suggestion on me, he also inadvertently gave me a glimpse of his memories from back then. He realized what happened, so he pulled me aside and asked me to keep it a secret.” She wasn’t exactly lying, but she was far from telling the whole truth.
Sidis didn’t seem entirely convinced. “Did His Majesty perhaps tell you about his feelings for Qatora?” he asked anxiously.
“Wha—” Lyse was stunned. She hadn’t expected him to hit the nail on the head like that. Still, she couldn’t confirm or deny anything. “What made you think that? I don’t think His Majesty’s love for Qatora was the romantic kind. I was more of a big sister to him, wouldn’t you say?”
“No, I wouldn’t say that at all. The look in his eyes back then... I’m sure that he loved Qatora,” Sidis declared quite emphatically.
What is this? Do men in love have some kind of sixth sense? Lyse had to wonder if she was the only person who hadn’t known. She knew better, however, than to confirm Sidis’s suspicions. There was no point in dredging up something from over a century ago.
“What a vivid imagination you have, Lord Sidis. His Majesty had thought himself strong and capable. He regretted not being able to do anything back then, so he just offered me an apology,” she fibbed with a smile.