“Mm-hmm,” I confirmed, thinking it would be better than sitting in silence. I wasn’t particularly concerned with what Kinn did as long as there was some kind of background noise. I was still scared as I waited alone on the shore—ghosts could show up at any time!
“All right, how about this? Oh-la-hey, oh-la-heuk. I’m mourning for you, my beloved phi-Mak!” Kinn sang.
I nearly grabbed my shoe to hurl it at his head. Fucking idiot! He was singing a lullaby from Nang Nak3 in a solemn and haunting tone, obviously trying to freak me out!
“Kinn, you jackass! Can’t you sing something else?!”
Kinn laughed. “Forget ghosts, you should be scared of these damned mosquitoes. There’re so many of them, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get malaria,” he complained before falling silent again. I heard the sound of water sloshing. I assumed he’d gone to take a piss at the same place I did earlier.
This entire situation fucking sucked. I would much rather be back at home in my soft bed. Could we get out of this forest? Did Kinn’s family know where their young master was? It was all stressing me out. Argh!
My mind wandered as the silence continued to envelop us. Abruptly, Kinn started singing again:
“When I see your face, I lose control.
When you smile back, I’m shaken up.
It happens every day—I have to hold myself back!”
I felt better hearing Kinn’s voice cut through the quiet of the dark forest. His singing was all right—not great, but not bad, either. It was better than nothing.
“When I see your face, I lose control.
Would it be wrong to catch your eye by chance?
I dream about you every single night.
Tell me, please—what should I do next?”4
This Kinn was way more cheerful than the Kinn I knew, but I was starting to get used to this version of him. I was seeing sides of him I didn’t even know existed; he was sillier than I thought.
“Did I sing well?” Kinn asked.
“You listen to Thai rock?” I asked, surprised. I assumed that someone with his lifestyle would prefer jazz or sappy ballads.
“I do, but I usually listen to Western pop music. I stuck to Thai because I was afraid you wouldn’t understand English lyrics.”
I frowned, trying to figure out if he was calling me stupid.
“Jerk!” I retorted when I heard him snicker. I organized his English report in the wrong order one time, and he was never going to let me live it down!
Kinn finally returned to dry land and immediately began to put on his clothes. The weather had cooled as night fell, prompting us to return to the cave where we had slept the previous night.
Kinn gathered some dried leaves and twigs into a pile and set them aflame with the lighter, boasting that this was his first time in a forest and he could already start a fire by himself. I wasn’t sure if that was really something you should be proud of—he was a grown man! He should know basic survival skills!
“What the hell is Pete doing?” Kinn grumbled as he lowered himself to sit in front of the fire.
“In case you forgot, Pete works for Tankhun. Why don’t you ask about Big?” I asked, curious. I was the current leader of Kinn’s bodyguards, and Pete wasn’t on my team anymore. Kinn should have asked where Big was.
Kinn seemed slightly taken aback. “Well…whatever. Someone should come get me out of here already!”
“I’ve never seen you act like this,” I said, not looking at him. I pretended to focus on finding more leaves to add to the fire.
“Act like what?” he asked, chuckling.
“Like this!”
“What do you expect me to act like, then?” Kinn asked, arching his eyebrows.
“I don’t expect you to do anything,” I replied. Kinn seemed satisfied with my answer.
I honestly hadn’t expected anything from him. I was genuinely surprised to see his goofy behavior, though, considering he acted so mature all the time.
“That’s good,” Kinn said, leaning back against a rock and sighing contentedly. “I want to relax sometimes. I’m in my twenties—I’m only one year older than you. What do people expect of me?”
“But you look way older than that,” I joked. It was true; everything Kinn did in the forest conflicted with his mature appearance.
“Hmph. Watch your mouth! Sometimes, everyone’s expectations just exhaust me,” Kinn said. “I wanted to live my life like other kids…but look at my brothers! Tankhun is a flake, and Kim barely comes home. Don’t you think they give my father enough headaches on their own? I didn’t need him to worry about me as well.”
I was stunned to hear Kinn vent his feelings to me. It was probably the longest string of words I’d ever heard him speak. He seemed frustrated from striving to be the perfect son, especially considering he was the son of a mafia boss. He was forced to shoulder a multitude of responsibilities and live up to many expectations—I sometimes forgot he was only a year older than me.
Kinn’s life was far from carefree. After classes, he had to do paperwork and attend business meetings as his father’s representative. Of the three sons, Kinn was the only one I ever saw taking the family business seriously.
“Mmm…” I hummed in response.
“I’m fed up with trying to act stern and put on a front to make people respect me. But if I don’t maintain the façade, all hell will break loose,” Kinn went on.
“But Tankhun acts however he wants,” I pointed out.
“I can’t be like him, either. Look at him. Do you see anyone who respects him, fears him? People only fear his tantrums,” Kinn said with a hint of amusement. “I don’t want our business’s reputation to worsen. I want our competitors and partners to continue to fear and respect us.”
I nodded, agreeing with everything Kinn said. I knew that respect was essential in this business. I had to admit that Kinn’s thoughts on the matter were rather mature.
“Aren’t you frustrated? You say you have to pretend… So everything you do is just a front?” I asked curiously.
“Yes. That’s just how it has to be. At least I can be myself when I’m alone or with my friends…or like right now,” Kinn said, briefly glancing at me before returning his gaze to the cave around us.
I didn’t understand what he meant, but I didn’t object to him letting his guard down around me. I was glad he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t.
“All right,” I said.
“What about you? Do you realize you’ve been smiling and laughing more than usual?” Kinn asked, still unusually talkative.
“I’m laughing at your stupidity,” I replied truthfully.
“Yeah? That’s good.”
I frowned. What was good about that? Kinn just kept irritating me.
“Should we move to the forest? I’m starting to like it here,” Kinn joked.
“Knock yourself out,” I replied before lying down with my back against a rock on the opposite side of the cave. I was beginning to feel drowsy.
“Why don’t you lie down here?” Kinn said, patting his chest.
I flipped him off. “Like hell!” I growled.
“If you say so…” Kinn started singing that haunting tune again. “Oh-la-hey. Oh-oh-la-heuk…”
I covered my ears. Kinn just laughed.
“You piece of shit!” I shouted.
“Hurry up and come here before the ghosts get you,” Kinn beckoned.
I turned my back to him. I kept my hands pressed against my ears, but I could still hear him singing.
“Oh-la-hey, oh-la-heuk. I’m mourning for you, my beloved phi-Mak…”
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to drown out as much of his voice as I could. I rolled over to scold him, but was surprised to find he had scooted over to me. My face squashed against his chest.
“What the hell?! Get off of me!” I yelled, shoving at him.
“Oh-la-hey, oh-la-oof?!”
I swiftly covered Kinn’s mouth with my hands to shut him up, and he took the opportunity to pull me in by the nape of my neck and press my head against his chest.
“Let me go, damn it!” I yelped, trying to wrestle my way out of his embrace. He kept his arms locked around me, leaning leisurely against a rock with his eyes closed.
I noticed the hollow sound of wind outside the cave, and it freaked me out. My eyes darted nervously to the darkness outside as I lay still against Kinn’s chest.
“Hey! Open your eyes!” I commanded while shaking his body.
“Why?” Kinn asked, opening his eyes and smiling languidly.
“Don’t fall asleep before I do,” I said. It was Kinn’s fault for singing that creepy song. I’d always been scared of ghosts. One time I saw something lurking in the shadows at home, and I had to sleep in Chay’s bed with him for several days until I could go back to my own room. I was not easily fazed, and I was ready to face anything head-on—anything except ghosts. I’d have a heart attack if I ever encountered one.
“Shall I sing you a lullaby? Oh-la-mmph!”
Kinn began singing, and I quickly slapped my hand over his mouth again. He chuckled in amusement. I kept my hands over his mouth as I lay my head on his chest once more. I would have been mortified if someone happened to see us right then—two fully grown men cuddling each other.
I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to sleep in Kinn’s arms. But he was keeping me warm, so I eventually let it go and slept soundly. I decided to stop hating Kinn, at least for right now. After we got out of this forest, it’d be a different story.
I was happy to see him be himself, though. It was reassuring to have the real Kinn around.