Tem called me back inside to sleep. Predictably, I couldn’t fall asleep at all. I tossed and turned until eventually Tem got me some allergy medicine, which made me drowsy enough to settle down and finally rest.
The next morning, Pete came by to drop off my laptop and papers in front of the Sports Science building. He didn’t look so good—he seemed exhausted and stressed out.
“Porsche, you should go see Mr. Kinn tonight,” he told me.
I sat there silently, going through the slides I had to submit today.
Pete tilted his head. “If there’s a problem, why don’t you just talk to Mr. Kinn about it?”
“He chased me out himself,” I replied sharply.
“Hah… None of us could get any sleep last night. Mr. Kinn went on such a rampage that we all nearly burst a blood vessel,” Pete sighed, looking pitiful.
“Why don’t you give him a fucking sedative, then?” I snapped, then squinted my eyes at my slides as I saw the content of the last three had been changed completely. Tem leaned over to look at my laptop screen. Although he seemed interested in whatever was going on between me and Pete, he kept his eyes on the work.
“Hey, you’re better than I thought,” he told me. “Your summary’s pretty good.”
I went still before letting out a long sigh. “You can go back. I’m not working today—don’t order me around,” I said harshly. Pete looked reluctant, but I stalked off into the building, no longer paying attention to him. Tem and Jom awkwardly smiled and waved goodbye to him.
By the third day of staying with Tem, I started thinking less about what happened with Kinn and more about school—I had multiple reports to submit by eight P.M. that evening. Tem, Jom, and I, along with Ice and Teen from our major, were all piled up on the floor of Tem’s room, rushing to finish at the last minute.
“I can’t take it anymore! After we send this in, let’s go out for drinks,” Jom said, and everyone nodded in unison. I wanted to get shitfaced too—wanted to forget everything about my fucked-up life right now. Speaking of which, I had to go back to work tomorrow… Should I ask for another week off?
“Let’s invite Pete, too,” Tem begged me. I rolled my eyes. Pete had been coming by every day and looking around, trying to persuade me to go back to the house. He was in the dorm building right now, sitting downstairs. I didn’t care if it seemed heartless; I was too tired to listen to his same plea over and over.
“Damn it!” I cursed, frustrated, and continued to work on my report.
When it was eight o’clock, we submitted our reports. The day’s work was done, and we all collapsed on the floor for a while before getting up to get dressed to go out like we agreed earlier.
“Porsche… You…” Pete trailed off.
“If you want to stop, you can go back. Don’t kill the mood,” I said, pointing at Pete. We’d arrived at the bar, Pete having volunteered to drive the three of us, with my other two friends from Sports Science following on their motorcycles.
“What do you want, Pete? I’ll mix it for you,” Tem said, trying to defuse the situation.
“Just soda water,” Pete replied.
Once we were handed our glasses, we knocked back drink after drink, enjoying ourselves. Pete began to relax, swaying along with the music. He kept stealing glances at me, and I glared back at him fiercely every time.
“Porsche, what a coincidence!” It was Vegas. He walked over with a wide smile to clink his glass with mine. I grabbed my glass and chugged the entire thing.
“Vegas, come sit. How’d you get here?” Jom said, nudging our friends to scoot over and make some space for Vegas.
“I came with P’Beam and the rest.” Vegas pointed to the table full of my upperclassmen. I gave them a weak smile. I had left P’Beam hanging. I felt a little guilty, to be honest.
“Hey, you! Ghosting me like that! If I was a girl, I’d be dead from a broken heart by now!” P’Beam came over and looped his arm over my shoulder, spouting nonsense.
“I’ve been really busy,” I said, sipping my drink.
“Hah! Sports day is next week—why don’t you come?” P’Beam asked beseechingly.
“If I’m free,” I replied. He nodded like that was the answer he was expecting.
“Porsche, if you’re competing, can I come watch?” Vegas piped up.
“Yeah, come! If Porsche is competing, you’ll be lucky to watch him. He always has girls screaming for him, and his skills are unmatched,” P’Beam said. He’d praised me so much that I had to gingerly shake my head.
“Can I come?” Vegas asked with a smile.
“Mm-hm.” I hummed my agreement before excusing myself to the bathroom. Tem and Jom followed behind me.
“Vegas was watching you without even blinking, you dog!” Jom smirked. I furrowed my brow. It’s not like I hadn’t noticed. Sometimes someone just stared at you for a while, and I didn’t think Vegas’s tastes were…
“How bad is his eyesight?” Tem interjected, chatting as we stood in a row at the urinals. “Porsche is so manly!”
“Why? If it’s you it’s a different story, right?” Jom raised a brow and stared at Tem’s face.
“Hah! If a guy’s going to have a crush on Porsche, it’s gotta be a cute little twink, right?” Tem continued. “Not a burly buffalo like Vegas.”
I started to hyperventilate at what my friends were implying.
“True… A guy who looks like Porsche has to be the top. It’d be weird if he was the bottom!” Jom laughed. My expression was definitely awkward. Fuck!
“Tops, bottoms, the fuck are you talking about?” I said as I zipped up my fly, heading straight to the sink to wash my hands.
“Hah, I just want to give Vegas a piece of my mind. Hitting on my friend… Can’t that motherfucker see your badass tattoos?!” Jom kept spouting stupid shit. Vegas did give me the creeps sometimes, sure, but I didn’t think he was hitting on me—it had to be in their heads.
“Aww! He can keep flirting, but Porsche won’t give him the time of day! This handsome bastard only has eyes for the ladies, yeah?” Tem turned to smile cutely at me and went to wash his hands.
I gulped nervously when I saw how confident my friends were about who I was. To be honest, I did not have that same confidence.
“Err… If… If I liked dudes… What would you guys say?” I mumbled, not knowing what compelled me to ask it out loud.
Tem and Jom immediately whipped around to look at me.
“No, no, I’m just asking hypothetically!” I quickly waved my hands, trying to cut off that train of thought, but it was too late. Tem squinted at me suspiciously before I averted my eyes, looking down at the sink instead.
“Hmm… Kinn?” he asked.
I stopped breathing for a moment before lifting my head to look at my friend. I quickly bent down to splash water from the faucet onto my face. What the hell had I just said?! I’d only tried to test them like that because my heart was in turmoil. If I really was attracted to a man, would everyone around me be able to accept it?
I certainly didn’t want to accept myself just yet, although some things were clear. That clarity scared me even further. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I was going to resist it—I wanted Kinn as far away from me as possible.
“What is it? Tell us.” Tem leaned in, like he was trying to get me to slip up.
“I’m just asking! I didn’t mean anything by it,” I insisted.
“Hah! You can do whatever you want—I won’t say anything. Just don’t keep secrets from us. We’ll definitely accept you! We’re just surprised, that’s all,” Jom said. He really did look shocked.
“I’m just asking! I didn’t say I liked men!” I insisted, trying to make them believe me. Tem and Jom just looked at each other and sighed.
“Uh-huh, you’re just asking. But is there anything you need to tell us? I’m worried about you,” Tem said, concerned.
“Fuck off! I’m just joking!” I shouted, storming out of the bathroom. I didn’t know if they believed me, but I really was trying to feel out their opinions. Although they said they could accept it, I didn’t believe them!
Who could? I couldn’t wrap my head around it, either.
Tem and Jom’s voices echoed behind me from inside the bathroom, but I wasn’t in the mood to pay attention to them anymore.