“I wanna go on a date.”
The little prince, who had dropped by unannounced for a surprise visit, suddenly uttered those words with a completely straight face.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Prince Louis,” I replied politely, “but you’re not my type at all.”
“As if I’d want you, you monkey.”
“Excuse me?! You can’t just say that!”
“I’m well aware that you have a habit of descending from trees!”
“I. Descend. Gracefully!”
“It’s not a matter of grace, you mountain ape!”
“Eeeee!” I screeched, about to pounce on Prince Louis with my mountainous, simian roar, when Lyle stopped me. “Eeeee! Let go of me, Lyle!”
“Now, now, Lady Leticia. Please calm down. There, there.”
“Eeeee! Don’t treat me like a monkey!” I shrieked, yanking at Lyle’s hair for adding fuel to the fire.
I felt like he might’ve screamed in pain, repeatedly, but perhaps I was imagining things. His roots needed doing, anyway. I was being generous by getting rid of them.
Once I had calmed down a bit, I turned to face Prince Louis, who was sprawled in his seat as if he owned the place.
“So, what’s this about a date?” I asked.
“I said I want to go on one.”
“And I said no thanks.”
“I know you know what I mean!” he replied indignantly, his cheeks turning red.
“I have no reason to listen to someone who treats people like monkeys.”
“You went on a date with Prince Clarke the other day. I know you did!”
“Listen when people are speaking to you!”
“I wanna go on a date too.”
“Go back to your country and you can do whatever you want!”
“I. Want. To. Go. On. A. Date. Here. In. This. Country. With. Maria!”
“Don’t pause after every single word!”
“Date with Maria!”
“Don’t just state the main point!”
“So I need your help, monkey!”
“Eeeee!”
Once again, I roared. Once again, Lyle grabbed hold of my arms. Once again, I unceremoniously yanked out his hair. Hmph! He could go bald for all I cared!
“What is it you want me to do, exactly?”
“I want you to tell me how to go on a date.”
“I have no idea.”
“You just went on one the other day!”
“I did not! It was an outing!”
“That’s what a date is!”
“No! An outing is an outing!”
What an irritating, stubborn child, telling me it’d been a date when I’d already said it wasn’t! No wonder Maria wanted nothing to do with this ankle biter!
Lyle looked at me like he wanted to say something. What?! What was it?! If he didn’t watch what he said, I’d pull out more of his hair!
“Sure, whatever,” the prince said. “So teach me how to go on an outing.”
“I don’t know what there is to teach. I just went for a stroll around the castle town.”
Prince Louis let out a heavy, disappointed sigh. “Wow, you’re useless.”
“What?! Say that again, I dare you!”
“Useless!”
“Eeeee!”
This time, Lyle didn’t stop me. Since the prince was a royal, I refrained from yanking out his hair, and just pinched his cheeks lightly instead. Lightly, I tell you! He had no reason to make a fuss about it. This was why I hated spoiled brats!
“A classic date just involves wandering around town!” I yelled at him.
“What?! That’s it?!”
“That’s just the basics! And then you stop by some store and buy them a gift!”
“That’s all?!”
“It’s difficult precisely because it’s so simple! If you’re so sure you can pull it off, then go right ahead!”
“All right!” Prince Louis exclaimed, beaming adorably in an age-appropriate fashion as he turned to Maria, who was pouring tea next to him. “Maria, we’re going out!”
He took her hand in his and gazed into her eyes, making color rise to her cheeks.
“There’s much I would like to say, such as, ‘Why do I have to go?’ and, ‘Why won’t you consider my circumstances?’ and, ‘I’m working right now,’ but most of all—don’t ask for dating advice in front of the person you want to take on a date!” Maria yelled, her voice reverberating across the room.