“They say maids are romantic.”
I cast Brie, who’d just showed up out of nowhere to spout nonsense, a suspicious look.
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, but I’m sure it’s nothing good,” I said.
“What do you mean, ‘nothing good’?!” Brie demanded, indignantly. As if I cared.
“What do you want?”
“Oho, I’m so glad you asked!” she exclaimed, pulling something out of the paper bag she’d brought as if she’d been waiting for this moment. “It’s a maid uniform! I put my whole heart into sewing it for you!”
Proudly, she unfurled an impressive maid outfit—not. Well, yes, it was a maid outfit, but not what I knew as a proper one. It certainly looked entirely different from the uniform Maria wore as a handmaiden.
“Why is it so short?” I demanded.
“It’s much better that way,” said Brie.
“Why? Isn’t it embarrassing for the legs to be on full display?”
“On the contrary! It simply would not do for it to be too long.”
“But how’s a maid supposed to work in this?”
“Oh, no, no, don’t worry! One’s not supposed to wear this to work as a maid.”
The more she said, the less I understood. Maria, who had been standing nearby, also tilted her head.
“It’s a maid outfit, but not for maids to work in?” she asked.
“Correct.”
“Why?”
Brie huffed, very pleased with herself. “Because this outfit is filled to the brim with men’s romantic fantasies!”
Maria and I recoiled at Brie’s self-assured statement. We recoiled a lot. Figuratively and literally. As we backed away, Brie slowly crept toward us.
“That’s what you meant by ‘romantic’?!” I asked, aghast. “Just what is it you’ve brought me?!”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from someone who purchased a negligee!” Brie retorted. “Don’t play innocent, now!”
“I didn’t buy that for me to wear!”
“And I made a tidy profit! But now that Your Highnesses have stopped buying them, I need a new source of income!”
“That’s not my problem! I’m not buying this!”
“Please, pleeease! Are we not friends?”
“Bat your eyelashes all you want, I’m not going to purcheese it! I mean, purchase it!”
Brie dropped her act, clicking her tongue. What a grating woman! “I can at least turn some profit if you buy it!”
“Do I look like I care?! Ask Maria to buy it!”
“Huh?!” Maria, who had until now tried to quietly stay out of it, gasped in shock. I wasn’t about to let her walk out of this unscathed. “Why me?!”
“Just make your obsessive stalker buy it for you!”
“Eek! Don’t say such terrifying things!” she protested, rubbing her goose-bump-covered arms. She must’ve been really horrified! Maria then turned to Brie, and asked, “Wh-Why don’t you just put it on for now so we can see what it looks like?”
Maria was so adamantly against the entirely too young prince buying the outfit that she would make such a suggestion, while actively trembling in fear, no less. Wow.
However, Brie faltered at the idea.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “You were trying to make us wear it, but you won’t do it?”
“I mean...it’s not meant for me to wear...”
“It’s not meant for us either!” Maria protested with tears in her eyes.
Brie was at a loss for words.
“Just wear it so we can see, and we’ll consider buying it,” I suggested.
“I mean... Look, see... Wouldn’t it expose my legs a little too much?”
“That’s rich coming from someone who sold negligees!” Maria exclaimed.
You know, she had a point.
Brie groaned loudly. “Fine, fine! I’ll wear it! That’s what you want me to do, yes?!” she shouted, desperate, as she began to undress.
Wow, she was actually going to wear it! What guts! I might have egged her on, but I didn’t actually think she was going to do it.
Maria helped Brie change. Once she was done, she stood proudly in front of us, puffing out her chest. It jiggled. That had to have been on purpose.
“How’s that?!”
I scrutinized her. “It’s...a little tight on you.”
“I-I mean, it’s in your size, so what am I supposed to do about it?!” she protested sharply.
Honestly, the maid outfit was too cute, too frilly, and too short for Brie, and didn’t suit her as well as I’d expected. Her figure was simply too shapely. It was more like the outfit was wearing her, instead.
But the sight of her voluptuous figure squished into the too-small outfit was certain to appeal to a subset of enthusiasts.
“It doesn’t suit you,” I said.
“It doesn’t,” Maria agreed at the same time.
“I-I want to be the kind of girl that can rock a cute look...” Brie whined as she began to cry. Had we accidentally touched a nerve?
“I-It’s okay! You have such great boobs!”
“I don’t want huge boobs...”
“But having a figure that goes boing-shwp-boing is, like, the envy of all women!”
“I’d rather have been born cute...”
There was no getting through to her. Brie kept weeping, very uncharacteristically. Indeed, a curvy woman like her wasn’t a good match for cute clothes. Her range of outfit options was quite limited.
“I-I’ll buy it!” I exclaimed reluctantly. I couldn’t simply have her cry forever!
Immediately, a wide grin spread across Brie’s face. “Thank you for your patronage!”
What a sharp businesswoman she was.
Ignoring my twitching face, Brie quickly went about taking off the maid outfit and changing back into her dress.
“Would you like to try it on?” she asked. “It would be a problem if the size was wrong.”
“No, I mean... I’m not actually going to wear it...”
“Aw, come on now! Don’t say that!” She’d been crying until moments ago, and now she was back in full business mode.
Maria deftly went about undoing the straps of my dress. Wait a second! Hadn’t I just said I wasn’t going to wear it?!
I made it a point to show my disapproval as I watched my dress unceremoniously come off, but it was two against one. My defeat was all but assured.
Soon I was made to wear the outfit. With my legs on full display, I pulled down on the hem of the skirt, trembling in shame.
“It looks so good on Your Highness!” Maria chirped.
“It does, doesn’t it?” Brie agreed. “Not bad, not bad.”
Their praise brought me no joy.
“I get it already... I’ll buy one, so let me take this off...”
“Oh, what a waste,” Maria grumbled—but a moment later, her frown turned into a grin.
As I wondered why exactly that was, a voice echoed from across the room.
“Name your price. I’ll take ten.”
“Thank you so much for your purchase!” Brie exclaimed.
Reluctantly, I turned around to look at the source of the voice.
Needless to say, it was exactly who you’d expect. I shrieked.