The whole thing had been such a surreal experience, she must have just assumed it was a dream. And at some point, she’d forgotten about it altogether. But Chika was sure now—it really had happened.
Back then, I “gave” my anger to whoever was behind this fence… That must be why I never get mad anymore. No matter what anyone does to me, I just don’t get angry…
Thanks to that, she’d been able to get out of the Minus classes and become a Zero.
So then…why…?
Why had she remembered this now? Why had she found her way back here? What did that mean?
I became a Zero, just like I wanted… Shouldn’t that be enough?
Somehow, it wasn’t. There was a weird feeling lurking at the back of her mind…
Mustering her courage, Chika dived into the gap between the two buildings. Five years ago, she’d been just small enough to squeeze into it, and obviously, she’d grown a lot in that time. Normally, there’d be no way she could fit anymore. But with the Gap Entry Ticket, that wasn’t a problem. She shuffled along the inside of the gap, getting closer to the fence step by step.
It looked the same as it had five years ago, including the dilapidated wooden boards. And there was still a tiny gap between two of them, exactly like last time. As for the person who’d been on the other side back then…there was no sign of them now.
She put her eye to the gap between the boards and peeked through.
“…!”
Chika let out a silent gasp when she saw what was on the other side.
It was a garden full of beautiful flowers, all with bright, vibrant colors. But there were only wild mountains outside the school; there was no way a place like this could exist here, was there?
I’m starting to feel a little scared…
She jerked back from the fence and looked down at her feet. Five years ago, this fence had blocked her path, stopping her from going any further. But she had the ticket now. She could use that to easily slip through.
That meant she had a choice. Would she go through or turn around and leave? No one else could make this decision for her.
Thump, thump… Chika’s heart hammered in her chest.
Go!
No, don’t go!
Conflicting voices echoed back and forth in her head.
In the end, one side won out. She tightly grasped the Gap Entry Ticket and looked up again.
I’m going…!
She angled her head toward the hole between the boards and—shwsh!—slipped right through. First her head, then her torso, then her whole body became thin enough to fit through the tiny gap. Finally, her feet touched down on the ground on the other side, and she returned to her original size and shape.
“Phew…” She heaved a sigh, got to her feet, and looked around. “Wow… There really is a flower garden back here…”
That glimpse of it she’d gotten before hadn’t been some kind of hallucination. She was surrounded by brightly colored flowers, all of them in full bloom.
There was absolutely no way a place like this could exist so close to the school…but that didn’t matter right now. She began walking through the garden, glancing at the different flowers as she went.
Some flowers made Chika feel sad when she looked at them. Others made her uneasy. Others still made her feel jealous, or hateful, or angry. Each flower seemed to stir a different emotion in her chest.
I think I get it… All these flowers must be pieces of people’s hearts… They’re the emotions they didn’t want.
Finally, she stopped in front of one particular flower. Its petals were a mix of shimmering reds and yellows and oranges, making it look like it was made of fire. As soon as she saw it, Chika knew: This flower was the anger she’d given up five years ago.
She slowly reached out toward it…
The moment her fingertips touched one of the petals, the flower slowly began to melt away and flow into her. That was all the proof she needed. She could take it back. She could take this flower, this emotion, this rage, back into her and let it become a part of her again.
But what would happen if she did? She wouldn’t be a Zero much longer, that was for sure. Her teachers and parents would go back to calling her a useless bad girl. But even so…
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry I tried to get rid of you…”
Chika took the flower by the stem and gently plucked it.
This flower was the person she used to be. The girl who had fought the school rules with everything she had. She missed the person she was back then.
She held the flame-colored flower tighter and tighter.
“When I was that person…I called unfair things unfair… When people were mean to me, I said they were mean… That was…so amazing. I used to take care of myself… I actually acted like my feelings mattered.”
Once she’d discarded her anger, everything had become “nothing worth getting mad about.” All the unfair rules she was forced to follow, and the mean-spirited punishments she had to suffer… She didn’t get mad about them anymore, but that didn’t mean they’d stopped happening. Chika hadn’t noticed it, but her heart had been hurting that whole time.
Why would it do that? If something wasn’t worth getting mad about, it wasn’t important, right? So why did it still affect her?
That weird sense of disconnect had somehow turned into a kind of emotional pain. That weird gloomy feeling she’d felt in her chest so many times… That was pain. The pain of a heart that was slowly breaking.
That was the price of losing her anger. She’d lost the ability to recognize the pain in her heart for what it was. And if she couldn’t recognize it, she couldn’t protect herself from it.
Chika’s eyes were filled with tears now, but she could see the fiery flower in her hand as it continued to melt into her. She felt an intense, burning anger seeping into her heart. Finally, the last petal melted away and was part of her once more.