Chapter 151

Chapter 15 September II 1 “There was that day with the terrible fog, remember? Wednesday. Kuroi went missing then, and yesterday…” “They found his body, yeah. At the waste processing plant?” “Apparently, a worker discovered it yesterday morning, buried in that day’s trash. They could tell he was a middle school student from his uniform and other things, and they pulled his bag from the same garbage pile. The police had already been notified that he was missing, so the call came to the school right away. His parents confirmed his identity, so there’s no question it was Kuroi. I heard that he had a broken cell phone in his hand.” Mei Misaki raised an eyebrow slightly as she listened carefully to my exposition. That was practically the only motion she made. Her blank face was like a doll’s. “All the bones in his body were broken, and his internal organs were ruptured. From the state of the body, they say he had been dead for about two days. So almost certainly, on that Wednesday morning, he was…” “…………” “Wednesday is household garbage collection day here, and it should be the same where he lived. So, um, I don’t really want to imagine it, but…” But there was no way to avoid picturing it. On the morning of Wednesday, September 5, when a thick fog covered the town…Kuroi had left his house in a rush, much later than usual. While on his way to school, he had encountered a garbage truck making its rounds. That must have been when the unfortunate incident occurred. I let myself imagine the scene. A garbage truck stopped with its rear hatch open. Kuroi, accidentally running into the back of the vehicle. His momentum causing him to drop his cell phone into the trash chute. A surprised and flustered Kuroi hitting a switch on the control panel with his body, setting the rotating plates and pressing plates inside the drum into motion and then, whether he realized he had done that or not, hastily reaching his hand in to pick up his phone. But maybe his aim was off or his foot slipped, so he lost his balance, then fell into the truck. And then, just like that, he got caught in the mechanism… Under normal circumstances, it would be a highly improbable turn of events. But that day, there had been that dense mist. Kuroi sprinting into the garbage truck, making a mistake in his assessment of the situation, getting swallowed up by the machinery, the workers not noticing such a major accident…all this was the fault of that fog. It hadn’t just affected people’s vision but had also dulled their other senses; somehow, it even seemed to alter people’s awareness and judgment. The truck swallowed Kuroi up, and no matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t escape. He was crushed to death. Without so much as being able to cry out for help. Nevertheless, he’d held on tightly to his cell phone and didn’t let it go… None of the workers was aware of any of this as they finished their rounds with the truck and headed for the waste processing plant with his body packed in the back. It seemed like someone would have noticed when they dumped the accumulated garbage out of the vehicle, but again, either because of the thick fog that day or for some other reason, an unbelievable oversight occurred. Before anyone realized what had happened, Thursday had gone by, and then on Friday morning, they finally… How on earth can that just happen? It seems awfully suspicious. But still…Kuroi’s dead body was discovered at the waste processing plant. Because of that bizarre mist and the unlikely series of accidents. This actually happened. All we can do is accept it. “What an awful accident,” Mei mumbled, then slowly closed her eyes one time. “Something that would normally never happen, just dreadful…” It was afternoon on Saturday, September 9. I was visiting “Blue Eyes Empty to All, in the Twilight of Yomi” in the usual basement space, sitting across from Mei Misaki. Ms. Kanbayashi’s death in the bath at home. Shinichi Tanaka’s little brother Yuuji’s death—that accident I’d witnessed on the way home from school. Shimamura’s delirium and death while she was home sick. And Kuroi’s death, which had been disclosed to us yesterday. I had given Mei an outline of this sequence of events last night on the phone. Then the next day, we had decided to meet up. I’d wanted to tell her all the details in person and hear her thoughts… “How did everyone in your class act yesterday?” she asked. I was a little stumped for an answer. “As you would expect, everyone was pretty disoriented.” First thing in the morning, they had been informed of Shimamura’s death; then in the afternoon, they were informed of Kuroi’s passing, and in between, news spread that the boy who had succumbed in the accident the day before was Tanaka’s little brother… The classroom had been in chaos. More than a few students were crying or having breakdowns, and for a while, it had devolved into what you could call pure hysteria. “What did Mr. Chibiki say?” Mei asked. I replied, “He…he also seemed to be at a total loss. He was like, What’s going on? This doesn’t make sense.” “…………” “Sixth period yesterday was science class, and we had study hall, since Ms. Kanbayashi isn’t there anymore, but during that hour, Mr. Chibiki came to our classroom to address the situation and explain things. I think he wanted to keep the rumors from getting out of hand. But that didn’t really make anybody feel better, so things got pretty chaotic again…” “…………” “People started saying that this was the ‘calamity.’ And no matter how you think about it, it is bizarre that in the first week of September, four people connected to the class have died one after the other. Why wouldn’t that strike you as strange? So…” “You think so, too, Sou?” “What about you?” When I asked her back, Mei raised her eyebrow slightly again. Just as before, hardly anything else about her face moved. But unlike last time, she no longer resembled “an expressionless doll.” 2 The day before, I’d been just as shocked as everyone else, had felt agitated and confused… Until then, I’d been able to maintain a critical and analytical mindset, but now I didn’t even have that luxury anymore. Learning of so many deaths in such a short span of time was overwhelming. It was like my whole body was beset by vertigo; the inside of my head kept on swirling round and round in emotional cacophony. It was so bad that I couldn’t recall my thoughts clearly, nor who I might have spoken to and what about. Though I had gone home, resolved to get in touch with Mei, and arranged to meet her the next day, I hadn’t been able to fall asleep as the night wore on. Even after taking some of the sleeping medication I’d been prescribed, I still couldn’t really sleep. Instead, I had drifted in and out of a drowsy wakefulness until morning arrived. Am I alive right now or dead? This thought had filled my mind as I awoke, seizing me with a fierce anxiety… Not sure what to do, I’d tried calling the “clinic” at the municipal hospital that morning. However, Dr. Usui’s outpatient care schedule was already booked up for the day. I had been told that he would be able to see me if I came late in the afternoon. “It’s fine,” I’d answered right away, doing my best to repress the anxiety inside me. I’m fine, I had simultaneously tried to persuade myself. I have plans to see Mei this afternoon. Meeting with her is more important than Dr. Usui’s counseling. I didn’t have to consider it twice. It would be my first time back to the doll gallery in Misaki since I had stopped by after our “dinosaur film festival” in August. Three weeks since then…no, almost four, I think? Grandma Amane was there as always, by the long, thin table that sat next to the entrance. She greeted me. “Welcome, Sou. Mei’s in the basement.” The first floor looked rather different, thanks to the remodeling that had taken place during July. There were fewer display cases, and their positions had been altered; the whole area felt more relaxed overall, including the space where the sofa set had once stood. Thanks to the renovations, the upper space of the room, which hadn’t been used for anything before, was now full of eccentric fixtures. There was a balcony-like shelf made of transparent materials jutting out high up on the wall, and another transparent display case like a huge egg that hung down from the ceiling… The dolls were placed on their shelves and in their cases with the assumption that they would be viewed from below, and the lighting had been devised to match. Nevertheless, the atmosphere of the place was still unchanged, dusky and gloomy despite it being the middle of the day. The music was also the same as ever. The tune currently playing was quiet and dark, perfect for the dolls’ secret meeting place… “…It’s strange, huh?” Mei asked. “How so?” I asked back. After a moment, she answered, “It’s definitely unusual for four ‘related individuals’ to die in quick succession like that. I don’t think that’s normal.” She moved her head slowly left to right, with the same expression on her face, one eyebrow still slightly inclined. It wasn’t a blank look from a lack of emotion but rather was the look of someone being overwhelmed with too much feeling. “It’s no wonder that your class started to freak out. No amount of reassuring could have calmed them down.” “So then, you do think…?” My voice sounded unnaturally flat—like I was being overwhelmed by a particular emotion. “What do you think about the ‘calamity’?” I asked. Mei sighed quietly as I did. “I don’t want to believe it, but…” “But, Mei…” “It doesn’t make sense!” “That’s what Mr. Chibiki…” “What about you, Sou?” “I…” I tried to answer, but my voice stuck in my throat. I felt like if I allowed myself to say the words, I could never take them back. However— “…What do I think?” In the end, there was nothing I could do but say it. “It’s undeniable. It’s impossible that it’s anything other than the ‘calamity.’ But…” “But?” “How and why is it happening?” “How and why…huh?” “I mean, that’s the question, right?” Mei didn’t need me to tell her that. Still, I couldn’t help but make a point of asking. “That night in July, we returned ‘Izumi Akazawa,’ this year’s ‘extra person,’ to ‘death.’ That should have stopped the ‘calamity.’ Everyone besides you and me lost any memories related to this year’s version of Izumi, and any recollections they did have of the real Izumi went back to how they were originally. Then in August, there wasn’t a single victim of the ‘casualty,’ right? And yet…” “But why? How are people dying again now?” Mei asked. With both eyes closed, she shook her head slowly, directing her questions inward. “Was that not what originally ended the ‘calamity’? Or did it stop for a while, only to start again? Either way, why?” She repeated the question and shook her head again. “I don’t know.” She opened her eyes and looked at me. “I’m sure this is the first case of its kind, so it’s only natural that Mr. Chibiki would be stumped.” Her shoulders dropped, and she sighed deeply. It was painfully obvious that Mei was also at a loss. I had been staring at her face this whole time, but now I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to look away. 3 I kept my mouth closed for a little while, and Mei was also silent… The string melody that had been playing abruptly cut off. Maybe Grandma Amane had stopped the music upstairs, or perhaps there was some kind of problem with the audio. Suddenly aware of the cool, stagnant air in the gloomy basement showroom, I took a deep breath. Dolls were displayed everywhere throughout the cellar-like space. Out of nowhere, I got the impression that I needed to breathe in their stead… I think it was the first time I’d experienced such a sensation since I started coming to this place. As I was panting, I was also waiting for Mei to say something. But Mei being Mei, she was probably waiting for me to say something… No, that wasn’t it. In that moment, she looked like she was working something out. Still sitting in her chair, she had closed both eyes again. She was perfectly still…perplexed but mulling something over. Mei stayed quiet for a while longer. “Um…did anything come to you?” I asked quietly, after she had opened her eyes. “Hmm?” She tilted her head slightly. “Oh, um, it’s just…” “I don’t know,” she mumbled, sighing deeply as she had done before. “Why didn’t the ‘calamity’ stop? Why did it start up again? Ultimately, I don’t know.” Mei shook her head like she had before. “However,” she continued, “there is something that’s been bothering me a little.” “Bothering you? What is it?” “An uncomfortable sense that something is off,” Mei said, then placed the tips of two fingers—her middle and ring fingers—against her right temple. “I think it was around the beginning of May, when that Hazumi girl decided to quit being the ‘second non-exister.’ When that happened, I told you I thought it would be okay, right? That even if there was one fewer ‘non-exister,’ as long as you were diligent, it would be fine. That no ‘accidents’ should happen, as long as you continued to carefully play your role.” Mei had told me as much back then, and I had believed her. However, in reality, in late May, Tsugunaga had went out in a horrible way. On the same day, Takanashi’s mother had also died, conclusive proof that the “calamity” had begun. “Back then, I wasn’t trying to be optimistic. I didn’t say that just to reassure you, Sou. That’s actually what I thought, so I said it. But…” “…………” “In the end, that was my mistake. But even so, it was strange. Why did the ‘calamity’ start at all?” Why did the “calamity” start at all? In response to Mei’s question, I called up her words, which were still clear in my memory even now. “So to solve this problem, I’m sure that finding a ‘power balance’ will be essential, or so it seems to me, at least.” Her words—Izumi’s. “An ‘extra person,’ the ‘casualty,’ has appeared in our class, inviting the ‘calamity.’ When we established the ‘non-existers,’ we prevented the ‘calamity’ from starting. The ‘power’ of the ‘casualty’ pulling us toward ‘death’ is offset by the ‘power’ of the ‘non-existers,’ maintaining a balance. That’s how I think of it.” Indeed, if I remembered correctly, that was what she had said when we’d met two days after Tsugunaga and Takanashi’s mother died. “For our ‘countermeasures’ this year, we established two ‘non-existers’ just to be safe. By doing so, we kept the ‘calamity’ from starting in April, which means the balance was correct, right? However, once Hazumi abandoned her duties in May, the ‘calamity’ started. That must mean we’re working with a different power dynamic this year.” “Wait…you mean that we’re out of alignment with only one ‘non-exister’?” I had asked at the time. “Out of whack, off balance…yes, that’s the picture,” Izumi had answered. “If we don’t increase the ‘power’ of the ‘non-existers,’ we won’t be able to negate the ‘power’ of this year’s ‘casualty.’ So…get it?” So the theory is, if we restore the balance that Hazumi upset when she abdicated by enlisting another “non-exister,” it should stop the “calamity”? By that logic, she had proposed that we work out a new set of “countermeasures”… “So it’s a question of balance of ‘power’… Mm, that’s what you’re saying, right, Sou?” Mei, as usual, seemed to see right through to my inner thoughts. “And that’s what Akazawa thought, so she proposed a new ‘countermeasure’ of adding a second ‘non-exister’ again, you said. I remember. Though in the end, that ‘supplemental countermeasure’ also had no effect…” Mei spoke slowly, as if double-checking her own memory. Then, at last, she pulled her fingers away from her temple. “Let’s go back.” Gently sweeping Izumi’s voice and face out of my mind, I replied, “Ah…sure.” Mei said, “Back then, in May, I was suspicious. And I was similarly suspicious when I heard that the ‘calamity’ had started again. Both times, I was asking ‘why’ and ‘how’ but…how can I put this, I’ve got a similar sense of discomfort as you. Something is off; something’s strange about all this, somehow…yes, like dissonance between too-similar chords.” Mei herself was having difficulty making sense of her intuition. I didn’t entirely get what she was trying to say, either, so all I could do was put my thoughts into simple words. “It doesn’t make any sense. It goes against the rules. So how? That’s basically the question.” “Mm. That’s right…but…” Mei responded, her voice sounding unusually anxious. “In that case—” I began, unable to suppress the feelings that suddenly swelled up inside me like a black mass. “There’s no reasoning your way out of this. You talk about rules, but they’re not scientifically proven laws of the universe. The ‘phenomenon’ and the ‘calamity’ and all that are just terribly irrational things to begin with. No matter how you try to grasp them by teasing apart their peculiar logic, you won’t get anywhere. It’s hopeless from the very start.” I thought back to a day in late July, after I had moved back to the main Akazawa house from the Freuden Tobii apartment, remembering what Yagisawa had said to me then. At the time, I had gotten irritated and denied it, but now I was repeating it. I was aware of the irony. “We worked out our ‘countermeasures’ based on what we thought were the rules, but all our efforts failed. Judging by your experience three years ago, we returned the ‘casualty’ to ‘death’… We went so far as to do that, but in the end, the ‘accidents’ didn’t stop.” I listed our failures with a reckless, almost masochistic relish. “There’s nothing we can do at this point, is there? The information we relied on turned out to be false. Maybe we had it wrong from the very start…” What we did that night in July, driving Izumi to her “death,” might have been for nothing. If I had known that this is what would happen, I don’t think I would have chased her like that. If I had given up and surrendered myself to fate from the beginning, without trying to get clever and resist it, or if I’d skipped town like Uncle Teruya… As I was contemplating this, it suddenly became difficult to breathe. I inhaled deeply several times. The air was unpleasantly chilly and thin. It felt like my body temperature was dropping with each breath. The dolls on the shelves were whispering to one another with their mute mouths. They pitied me. They ridiculed me. They scolded me. They… I looked at Mei, begging for help. She looked back at me with an expression of sadness in her right eye, the one that wasn’t a prosthetic… When our gazes met, she blinked slowly and bit her lip slightly. “Sou.” Mei said my name quietly. “I don’t think you should be down here right now. Let’s go upstairs. I’ll ask Grandma to make us some tea.” 4 We moved up to the gallery on the ground floor, and Grandma Amane brought out some piping hot green tea. I drank it and felt my body warm, recovering somewhat. The music flowing through the building also returned, and I didn’t feel suffocated by normal breathing anymore… Mei barely tasted her tea, then seemed to start pondering something again. I felt too awkward to say anything to her, or actually, I couldn’t find the right words, so I just sat on the sofa staring at my surroundings. Come to think of it—I recalled—last month, when I stopped by after we went to see the movie, we started out chatting at that round table in the basement, then came up to the first floor, and… A doll on display at the bottom of the staircase in the back of the gallery caught my eye. There was an antique couch beside the stairs covered in a deep-crimson sheet, and the doll was positioned on top of it. It was a figure of a girl, somewhat smaller than life-size, clad in a blue-and-white dress. Apparently, this piece had been stored in a section of the basement for a long time. After the renovations to the first floor, it was moved to a new display area at the start of August. The doll had been laid down facing upward. Both of its hands were clasped on its chest, fingers intertwined. Reddish-brown hair. White skin. Left and right eyes were wide open, both “Blue Eyes Empty to All.” Mouth slightly ajar. It looked like it might start speaking at any moment. Laid out on the couch like that—the way it was posed so naturally reminded me of a scene from earlier. It reminded me of that day in early August, at Yumigaoka Municipal Hospital. After wandering the bowels of the institution following Izumi’s phantom, I’d arrived at a room… “Sou…Hiratsuka?” I heard her voice from back then. It sounded carefree, yet somewhat frail. “I’m so happy you came.” “She used to be in a coffin, that one.” That’s what Mei had told to me when I’d first laid eyes on the doll on the couch last month. “Kirika seems to be very emotionally attached to her. I don’t like her very much, though.” I was certain that Mei didn’t like the doll because its face resembled hers so closely. I certainly remembered hearing her say as much, at some point, and I could see why she felt that way. At the moment, though, it was the scene in that hospital room that sprang back into my mind… “Mm, I’m all right. I’ve been feeling pretty good lately.” There had been a single white bed in the spacious, dreary room. She had stayed lying down on the bed as she greeted Etou and me, who’d come to visit her together. “In the end, I wasn’t helpful at all,” I’d heard her say in a desolate tone. “You were,” I think I answered. “But still, I couldn’t do anything…” “That’s not true. Besides, it’s all right now. There’s no longer any need to worry about the ‘calamity.’” “Really?” Something had glinted silver as it wavered on the edge of the bedside table… “Is that really true?” “The ‘calamity’ is over,” I had said. That’s what I’d believed at the time. I had thought we had no room for doubt. “I see. Thank you.” I still remembered her smile, slightly relieved albeit somewhat lonely. “Thank you. I…” I remembered her smile in that room—Makise’s smile. That day, standing in Makise’s room, I had realized, remembered, and registered some things…and as a result, I had discovered a certain solution. And then, in order to check my hypothesis, four weeks ago, here in this gallery, I had… “Hey, Sou?” Mei asked suddenly. Caught off guard, I hastily straightened up and stared back as she gazed at me. After a short pause, Mei asked, “Sou, are you afraid to die?” Without meaning to, I let out a small noise of surprise. At a loss for how to answer a sudden question like that, I responded without much thought. “Yes, I’m terrified.” “You hate the idea of dying? You don’t want to die?” “I don’t want to, I think.” “Mm. That seems about right.” I had no idea what she was after, asking a question like that. At the same time, I wanted to put the same thing to her in response. But I quickly abandoned the idea. I suspected that she would have a different reply than I did, and it occurred to me that I was a little afraid to hear hers. “In that case, Sou, I said this once before, but you could just run away, you know?” Mei continued. “As long as you’re in this town, the risk of an ‘accident’ won’t go away. If you do as your uncle Mr. Sakaki did years ago and abandon everything to get out of Yomiyama…” But before she could even finish, I shook my head. “I don’t want to run away,” I said. “But, Sou…” “I don’t want to die, either. So…” So…? I wondered what the rest of that statement was, but all that came to me were empty words that didn’t lead to any kind of resolution. “I’ll try to be careful. I’ll avoid anything risky so the ‘calamity’ won’t have a chance to get me.” “I see,” Mei mumbled with a sigh. I was aware of the fact that her own position in all this was different than it had been before. After a little while, it was time for me to start heading home, but I couldn’t stop myself from turning to Mei and telling her, “You be careful, too.” 5 Doorbell jangling at my back, I left the gallery. I was about to straddle my bicycle, which I had left parked in front of the building. “Hey, Sou?” Mei called out to me. She had come to see me off. It sounded like she had suddenly remembered something important. “How’s that girl, Hazumi?” “How is she…? Well, yesterday she seemed extremely upset. I think that’s to be expected, though, since we got news of Shimamura’s death, and they were good friends.” “Do you have her contact information?” “Like her phone number?” “If possible, her address, too.” What does Mei want with Hazumi’s address? As strange as it seemed, I didn’t give it much thought at the time. I told Mei I would look at the class roster after I got home. “All right, then will you let me know when you find it?” she requested in the same detached tone as always. “Um…why do you want it all of a sudden?” I asked. “Just because.” She brushed off the question. “Send it to me later—e-mail is fine. Please.” 6 “Hey, is it really true? Did the ‘calamity’ actually start up again? Didn’t it end in July?” Once we were alone in my room, Yagisawa started questioning me, without even touching the iced tea that Auntie Sayuri had set out for us. Although he didn’t have a very angry look about him, his tone of voice and demeanor were uncharacteristically serious. “Hey, Sou, what’s going on? What do you think about this?” It was the afternoon of Sunday, September 9. I had gotten a sudden phone call from Yagisawa not one hour ago, asking if he could come over. There was no way I could refuse, of course, so I welcomed him in. As to whether the deaths that month had been caused by the “calamity”— On Friday, the two of us had gone to see Mr. Chibiki during lunch break. While we were talking, he’d gotten a phone call informing him of Kuroi’s death—ever since then, I hadn’t had a proper conversation with Yagisawa. It occurred to me that we probably also ought to speak with the countermeasures officers, Etou and Tajimi, but…I just wasn’t dealing with it very well. I wasn’t the only one, either. I had no doubt that Yagisawa, Etou, and Tajimi were feeling the same way. Mr. Chibiki, too. Faced with the delirium of the class, he had been unable to maintain his usual composure. Though he had just barely managed to keep control by imploring everyone to “calm down” and “hold it together,” he had been unable to answer those voices that asked, “So is it the ‘calamity’ after all?” or “Why is this happening?” or “What should we do?” “I saw Mei Misaki yesterday,” I said, averting my eyes from Yagisawa’s piercing gaze. “I met up with her and told her everything. She agrees that this is the ‘calamity,’ just as we thought.” “Oh? Then it’s true.” He ruffled his long hair and let out a short groan. It sounded almost like a sigh. “Good grief…” We were sitting in my study-cum-bedroom, facing each other across a small elliptical table. My room was awfully cluttered, and I had been reluctant to invite even Yagisawa in, but it was unavoidable. I didn’t want to let Auntie Sayuri overhear our conversation, because even at this point, I still hadn’t had an honest conversation with her and my uncle about the “special circumstances of Grade 3 Class 3.” Despite that, they must have suspected something strange was going on. Even if I didn’t confide in them, they knew that too many “accidents” had occurred at North Yomi since the spring (indeed, in this very house back in July, my grandfather had died under suspicious circumstances). They had probably been hearing about the whirlwind of events that had been happening since the start of this month, along with noticing that I wasn’t acting normally, of course. In fact, Auntie Sayuri had been asking me every day, with concern in her voice, “Are you all right, Sou?” She had been kind enough to tell me, “If you’re ever in trouble, you come and talk to me about anything at all,” but aside from that, she didn’t meddle. She never pressed me with questions. I was very grateful for how she kept her distance. Even if I did tell my aunt and uncle every detail at this point, it wouldn’t solve anything. It would just cause all sorts of grief for them, so I kept quiet. “But if that’s true, Sou…” Yagisawa stopped running his hands through his hair and looked at me, almost scowling. “Then what the hell happened? I thought the ‘accidents’ were supposed to have stopped. I thought this year’s ‘casualty’ ended in July. It doesn’t make any sense, does it?” “…………” “It’s weird, isn’t it? It’s wrong, for it to go this way. We thought everything through, and you took matters into your own hands, and we made it through the summer break without any incidents, and yet…and yet, here we are. After all that…” “…………” “What does it mean? What’s going on? Huh? Honestly, I can’t help but be kinda pissed at you, you know?” Yagisawa made another low groan, then let out a long sigh. After that, the two of us were silent for a while. I drank a little bit of my tea. Most of the ice had already melted. Then I stood up and hunted for the remote control for the air conditioner. I felt like the room had gotten awfully stuffy over the last few minutes. When I had turned on the air conditioner and sat back down in my original place, Yagisawa looked around and asked, “Where’s that photo?” “Photo?” “You know, the one you had on display in your old room. From summer vacation in ’87.” “Ah…” 1987—summer vacation, fourteen years ago. The photo with Uncle Teruya and his friends at Lakeshore Manor, taken after he’d fled Yomiyama. Far from the reach of the “calamity,” they’d spent a few peaceful days together. That picture… “I put that away somewhere. Maybe in my desk drawer?” After Izumi had disappeared in July, it had become sort of painful to have the photo on display. It was an important memento of my uncle Teruya, but now it was also linked to my memories of Izumi at the Freuden Tobii. But to Yagisawa, this photo of his Aunt Risa, who had died fourteen years earlier, looking happy, must have stuck with him. “Should I look for it?” I asked. “The picture, I mean.” “Nah, it’s fine.” “Your aunt, she died of a sudden illness—is that right?” “That’s what I’ve heard. I don’t know what it was, though.” Yagisawa took off his round glasses and pressed two fingers on his right hand to his eyes. He didn’t seem to be holding back tears or anything like that. Instead, he just seemed exhausted. “Kuroi died in an awful way, didn’t he?” he said eventually. “And Tanaka’s little brother, that was horrible, too.” “Yeah.” “Well, if I’m gonna die,” he continued, “I hope the I don’t go out too terribly.” “Hang on—wait a second. Just because the ‘accidents’ are still happening doesn’t mean you’re destined to die.” “Well, that’s true, but…” “You’re an optimist, right?” “Ah, well, I am, but…” Yagisawa frowned anxiously. “But, man…,” he mumbled, then sat there silently for a minute with a serious expression. “Man”—he opened his mouth again—“is it just hopeless now? Is there no way for us to escape the ‘calamity’?” he asked with that same earnestness. “Well…,” I also responded gravely. “There might be some other, completely different approach, but…I don’t know what it would be. And so far, no one else knows, either.” “The ‘countermeasures’ and the ‘non-existers’ were supposed to keep the ‘calamity’ from starting in the first place, right? I’m not talking about that. What I mean is, is there some way to end the ‘phenomenon’ entirely? Like, to lift ‘Misaki’s’ original ‘curse’ or something?” “I’ve heard that it’s wrong to think of it as a ‘curse,’” I said. “I’m wondering if there’s a spell or something that we could use to avoid the ‘calamity.’” “A spell…?” “Well, maybe not a prayer or incantation. But perhaps there’s something that will keep the ‘calamity’ from closing in…like a song or something?” “A song?” His suggestion seemed crazy, or rather, completely out of place, but I wasn’t able to laugh it off entirely. Yagisawa let out a short sigh, then held his tongue. I held mine as well. Once again, silence descended over the room. I was the first to speak. “At the end of the day, I think the only way to avoid all danger is to run away, to get ‘out of range.’ Like my uncle Teruya did fourteen years ago.” “Get out of Yomiyama, huh?” “In Teruya’s year, there was a major incident in May, and a lot of people died all at once,” I explained. “My uncle was injured pretty badly, and then the next month, his mom passed… After that, he decided to skip town.” “…………” “But that’s not really a feasible solution,” I continued. “Even if we explained everything to our parents and somehow managed to convince them to leave, all sorts of pragmatic issues would stand in our way, like where to live and what our parents would do for work. And we’re still just kids. There’s so much that could stop us…” “You’re right.” Yagisawa nodded meekly. “Even if I told them to run, my family is really big. I’ve got an older sister and three younger brothers. And my dad has to be here for his job… There’s no way we can just up and move. Ugggh…but, man…” He pressed his palm into his forehead. “The ‘calamity’ doesn’t just go after us; there’s a chance it can hit our families, too, right? So then…ughhh…” The “calamity” had arrived despite all our “countermeasures.” And instead of stopping when we returned the “casualty” to “death,” it had started back up again. Is there really nothing we can do? No way of dealing with this? I sluggishly mulled over the issue, but no matter how much I considered it, I couldn’t find an answer. It felt like I was sunk up to the shoulders in a quagmire of helplessness. It was clear that I wasn’t going to just think my way out of this. “What about you, Sou? You’re not running away?” Yagisawa asked. “You could go back to your parents’ house in Hinami… Ah, sorry.” I had explained to Yagisawa at some point why I was staying with the Akazawas here in Yomiyama. “Sorry, man. I just sort of… Well, when I get like this, I—” The sudden chime of a cell phone interrupted him. I had mine set on silent mode, so the ringtone must have been his. He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket and, with his glasses still off, brought his eyes close to the display. “Tajimi?” he mumbled, then answered the phone. “Hey. Tajimi, right? What’s up…? Hmm? Huh, what?” I couldn’t hear the voice on the other end. But just from the changes in Yagisawa’s expression, plus the way he responded, I could guess the nature of the conversation. “…N-no way. No way… Ah, yeah. Yeah, that’s right. What do you call it, that…? Oh!” Yagisawa quietly said, “He hung up…,” and tossed his phone on the table. When he put his glasses sitting nearby back on, his hand trembled. His face was extremely stiff, and one side of his mouth was curled upward, almost like he was laughing and crying at the same time. Before I could ask about the phone call, Yagisawa wailed, “Tajimi’s older sister was just in an accident. She was hanging out in Yomiyama Park with a friend, and that’s where it happened.” “An accident…at the park…?” “I don’t know all the details, but Tajimi’s sister apparently…died at the scene.” 7 The accident occurred at around two o’clock in the afternoon on Sunday, September 9. The location was Yomiyama Park in the southwest of the city. It was a small, old amusement park rumored to be closing in the near future. On that day, Tajimi’s older sister Miyako (nineteen years old, a vocational school student) had visited area with her (female) friend from high school. And when the two of them went on the “coffee cups” ride— They had turned the handle in the middle of the cup that made it spin, but it rotated too hard. Somehow, the momentum flung Miyako out of her seat and sent her crashing headfirst into another spinning cup. She lost a great deal of blood and passed out. An ambulance managed to get her to the hospital, but she’d died of hemorrhaging soon after. I had been to Yomiyama Park once, a long time ago—the year that the Akazawa family took me in, Auntie Sayuri and Uncle Haruhiko had brought me there. It was a difficult period in my life, but I remembered enjoying it—it was the first time I’d ever been to an amusement park. I was pretty sure I’d ridden the coffee cups… That made it even more disturbing when I heard about what had happened on the news that night. I could see it in my mind, and it was awful… It felt like that feeling of hopelessness was engulfing me. 8 Monday, September 10. It rained all day. For the past few days, I’d scarcely caught a wink of sleep. When I did manage to nod off, it was light. Today, I arrived at school rubbing my tired eyes once again. I didn’t make it in time for the morning homeroom but did make it to my classroom right before the start of first period. When I walked in, I was a little surprised at the large number of vacant seats. But at the same time, it made sense… A quick look around confirmed about a third of the class was absent. Tsugunaga and Keisuke Kouda had passed in the first semester. Makise was still hospitalized. Shimamura and Kuroi had died recently. Add to them Tajimi, who was out on bereavement leave after losing his sister yesterday. The seat belonging to Izumi had already been cleared away, so there were now six people’s worth of empty chairs. Someone had set vases of white chrysanthemums on Shimamura’s and Kuroi’s desks. The fact that more than a third of the seats were without students meant, in other words, that several more people were absent aside from these six— Tanaka, whose little brother had lost his life last Thursday, had returned from his bereavement leave, but several other people were missing. I doubt that all of them are out sick, which must mean… After our first-period math class, Etou came up to talk to me. “They’re scared to come to school; I’m sure of it,” she said. “‘Related individuals’ have been dying one after another, and it’s clear that the ‘calamity’ isn’t over…so it’s inevitable that everyone’s afraid, you know? I feel the same way myself.” “Ah, yeah…I get it,” I replied. “We don’t know when or where an ‘accident’ might happen. People have even died at school. Going to and from there is dangerous, too. So it’s safer not to go to class and to lock yourself up at home. Can’t blame people for thinking like that, huh?” she asked. “But no matter how long they stay at home and shut themselves in, the ‘calamity’ will…” Take my grandfather, for example. And Shimamura, too. I even heard a story from Mei about a “related individual” who holed himself up on the second floor of his home and died when a huge construction vehicle crashed into it. However— In the little more than a week since the start of the second semester, five people have already succumbed from “accidents.” I do get that some people aren’t interested in sitting down and calmly considering the specifics of the “calamity” anymore, though… They’d rather skip class altogether. “I’m sure that before long, we’ll see some people who quit school and move out of Yomiyama, too,” Etou said, lowering her voice slightly. “I’ve heard that it’s happened before. My older cousin was really worried about what she should do three years ago—she told me.” “What are you going to do?” When I posed this question to Etou, she answered in an unexpectedly frank tone. “I don’t know. It would feel really frustrating to run away from here after everything that’s happened and how hard we tried. I’m a real worrier at heart. That’s why I suggested we have two ‘non-existers’ at the ‘strategy session’ in March. Just in case, you know?” “Ah, yeah.” “But obviously that ‘countermeasure’ didn’t work out very well, and once the ‘accidents’ started happening, I sort of felt like nothing really mattered anymore.” That was the kind of response I’d expect from someone who described themselves as a worrier and who I knew was also a bit of a perfectionist. “But now, of course, the idea that I might lose my life isn’t just frustrating; it’s terrifying, too. How about you, Hiratsuka?” I was slightly at a loss for words when she asked me that. “I…I think it’s awful, too. I’m scared. But at this point…” At this point, the “accidents” aren’t stopping. At this point, we can’t escape from the “calamity.” There’s a good chance I’ll be swallowed up by “death” as well. And in my case, escape from North Yomi is not an option. So at this point… “What about Makise, in the hospital?” I asked. “Have you told her what’s been going on since the start of the month?” I was suddenly concerned about her. Etou shook her head slightly side to side. “I haven’t been to see her in a while.” “I wonder how she’s feeling?” I asked again. I felt conflicted as I recalled the image of Makise, laid out on that hospital bed, all alone. Etou shook her head. Then she mumbled something, halfway talking to herself. “Honestly, at this point, telling her that the ’calamity’ isn’t over feels…” “Impossible?” She stopped speaking, and this time I saw her nod slightly. I stared up at the classroom ceiling, full of increasingly mixed emotions. 9 After second period ended, I went over to talk to Yagisawa. He was still sitting in his chair and glanced up slowly to answer me with a “hey,” but his voice sounded awfully frail. His expression was lifeless, and although he made eye contact, he immediately turned away from me the next instant… What’s going on? Is he all right? I was worried for him, but he had an air about him that made me feel awkward asking. He had been like that after yesterday’s phone call with Tajimi, too. Once he told me about the accident, he put on a kind of brooding expression and kept his mouth tightly shut. He even forgot whatever it was he had been about to tell me right before the call came in and refused to say anything more… Eventually, he’d stood up to leave with only a brief remark: “I’m going home.” The news must have greatly unsettled him. I’d felt the same way, so at the time, his attitude hadn’t really bothered me. “I…” Yagisawa had started to say something just as he was leaving. “Hmm?” I’d asked. But he’d immediately shaken his head. “No, it’s fine. It’s nothing.” With that, he’d left in a hurry, but… “You don’t look well,” I told Yagisawa back in the classroom. He was still staring at the floor. “Though I don’t suppose telling you to cheer up would really be the right thing to do.” “Ah…yeah, you’re probably right.” This is the first time I’ve ever seen him like this, I thought. But I also figured that I didn’t need to worry about him. It’s Yagisawa, so I’m sure that he’ll be in better spirits by tomorrow. Ultimately, those were the only words I exchanged with him that day. 10 During lunch, I went to the secondary library alone. I wanted to speak with Mr. Chibiki (though I didn’t know what I planned to discuss or how), but the CLOSED sign was out on the door, and there was no answer when I knocked. From there, I went straight to the biology club room, which was also on the first floor of Building Zero. It wasn’t for any particular reason. I just sort of went… Well, I probably figured that there wouldn’t be any club members there during lunch, so maybe a part of me wanted to be alone. At the very least, I didn’t want to go back to the Grade 3 Class 3 classroom. Just as I’d expected, the room was unoccupied. During our meeting in late August, the biology club had decided that the next step was getting the creatures back in the clubroom by the start of next semester. In spite of that decision, however, we’d accomplished very little on that front so far. I didn’t have much hope of progress in the near future, either. That was because the new head of the club, Morishita, was also a member of Class 3—working on that project with him was out of the question. I pulled a stool from under a long table and sat down. I could hear the sound of the rain falling outside. Inside, the room was dim, and the air was humid on my skin…but for some reason, I wasn’t sweating. It felt like something frigid was burrowing inside my body… “…Shunsuke.” Shunsuke Kouda’s death in June. The scene came back to my mind afresh…but for some reason, it didn’t bother me. Maybe it was because a suitable amount of time had passed or because I’d been numbed to “death.” “Shunsuke died back then, and now…” My voice spilled out of my mouth. It startled me a little. “What happens to people when they die?” Ah…that’s a question I once asked when I was very young. “When people die? They can go meet up with everyone else somewhere, right?” Teruya had responded to my question. “Who do you mean by everyone?” “You know, all the people who passed before them.” If that’s the case, then right about now, Shunsuke is… Suddenly, I realized what I was thinking and shuddered a little. No. That’s wrong. I mustn’t think like that anymore. This isn’t a question of whether I was right or wrong, but at the very least, now I know that… “The thing about ‘death’ is that it’s incredibly empty; it’s eternal loneliness…” These were Mei’s words from a summer’s day three years ago. And I… …Thud. “They drew lots with playing cards, right? That’s when Hazumi pulled the joker and it was decided that she was the ‘second,’ but… Okay, so think back. To before that.” Huh? I was surprised. Why did that memory suddenly surface? “Before the lottery began, someone else tried to volunteer, right? In a small, quiet voice that everyone was a little surprised to hear. Why so suddenly? We all wondered…” These were Izumi’s words from that night two days after Tsugunaga and Takanashi’s mother died at the end of May, giving us conclusive evidence that the “calamity” had begun. Why am I remembering this? Even as I questioned it, those moments kept playing back in my memory—what was going through my mind at the time, how I responded then, and… …Thud. “But ultimately, their offer wasn’t recognized, and we went ahead with the lottery, right?” “The cards had already been shuffled, and I think…yeah, Hazumi said in a weird, panicked way, ‘You can’t do that now,’ and immediately started the lottery drawing.” “Ah…yeah. I guess that is how it went.” Afterward, Izumi had explained her thoughts on the “balance of ‘power’” between the “casualty” and the “non-existers.” Why? Why am I remembering this here, now? I wondered. Maybe because the topic of the March “strategy session” had come up briefly while I was chatting with Etou in the classroom earlier in the morning. Or… …Thud. I could feel a deep reverberation coming from somewhere, so low that it was almost outside my range of hearing. Yuika Hazumi. Suddenly, that name started to weigh on my mind. Yuika Hazumi. She was one of the people who didn’t come to school today. We all thought that she was finally back now that the second semester started, but after a week, she stopped coming again, huh? In relation to that, I vividly recalled how distraught she’d seemed last Friday, when the deaths of Shimamura and Kuroi had been confirmed one after another. “How? Why?” She had shouted. And then she’d cried, “It had nothing to do with me,” and, “It’s not my fault.” Hazumi shook her head dramatically many times, messing up her short hair. At first, her face had been flushed, but once Kusakabe grew flustered and started trying to soothe her, she had gone through a complete change, and her face had drained of all color… I wonder what she’s doing today? Somewhere that’s not at school? Once I started worrying about her, I couldn’t put it out of my mind, no matter how I tried. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and called the number I had saved for Hazumi. 11 It took several calls before she picked up. Hazumi must have known it was me from looking at the incoming call display, because she answered in a trembling voice, “Sou?” “Sorry for calling so abruptly.” “What is it? Do you need something?” “No, it’s just that…” I spoke as softly as I could. “You didn’t come to school today. I was a little worried about what’s going on with you.” A moment passed in silence. “Hmm…” When she spoke, Hazumi sounded somewhat guarded. “You were worried? About me?” “Well…yeah, I was. You finally started coming to school again, but then…” “I’m not going anymore,” Hazumi said flatly. “I’m not going to class anymore. Absolutely not.” I guess she won’t be persuaded, huh? “Are you at home now?” “Yes.” “You’re going to stay at home?” “That’s right. After all…” “After all?” “The ‘calamity’ never ended, did it? Far from it. Look how many people have died. Ms. Kanbayashi, and Shimamura, and…yesterday, Tajimi’s older sister passed, didn’t she?” Hazumi was clearly frightened. Just two or three months earlier, under the influence of “Big Brother Nakagawa,” she had firmly dismissed the “calamity” as entirely unscientific, and yet… I didn’t know what had happened between the two of them after that, but I could guess that she was no longer in his orbit. “If I go outside, I never know when something might happen. So I won’t go to school anymore. I don’t want to go. Because I don’t want to die. If I stay shut up in my house forever, I’ll be safe.” I understood why she stubbornly insisted on that. But there was still a risk of being struck by an “accident,” even if she stayed locked up in her house and never went outside. Of course, even if I had tried to tell her that, she probably wouldn’t have listened. That’s how it seemed. “Mm. I see.” That was all I could reply with. “I don’t think you have to force yourself to come to class. But I also feel like it’s not good to take this too far. I totally understand your fear, but if you let it overwhelm you… What am I trying to say? You could wear yourself out…” I knew I was probably being too forward, but I was speaking as much for my own reassurance as for hers. Well, that ends this phone call. I started to say good-bye, but— “Wait a minute, Sou.” Hazumi stopped me. “What?” “Who on earth is that girl?” I could hear a nuance in her voice that was different than before. The timidity had disappeared, and instead, she was aggressively lobbing her words at me. “Who do you mean by that girl?” I asked her a question in return, unsure of her meaning. “Who are you talking about? Did something happen?” Another momentary silence. Before long, Hazumi told me these facts. “Yesterday evening, my intercom suddenly rang. When I answered, someone asked, ‘Is this Yuika Hazumi?’ It was a female voice that I didn’t recognize, and my mama and papa weren’t home, so I didn’t go out to the entryway. It was late at night, too, so I got kinda scared.” Ah…that was, maybe… “Even so, I managed to ask her, ‘Who are you?’ Then she answered, ‘My name is Misaki. I’m a friend of Sou Hiratsuka’s.’” So that was her. “But the thing is, I had trouble trusting what she said. So in the end, we just spoke over the intercom, and then she left. Misaki is generally an unlucky name, too. I was a little curious because she said she was a friend of yours, but I thought she might be talking nonsense. Anyway, it all happened so suddenly, it was kind of creepy.” When we parted on Saturday, Mei had told me she wanted Hazumi’s contact information. I suppose it was for this. But why did she…? “And then, that same Misaki person from yesterday came to my house again today.” Hazumi continued grousing, indifferent to the fact that I was deep in thought and trying to infer Mei’s motives. “It was early in the morning, so Mama was home, too, and she just opened the front door without thinking about it. She didn’t even say anything over the intercom first. And when she did, that girl was there…” Hazumi and Mei had met once before, in May. The location of their encounter was the Izana Bridge, the one spanning the Yomiyama River. At that moment, I recalled Hazumi crossing the bridge to chase after me and Mei coming over from the other side. There had been a bit of distance between them at the time, but they would have seen each other. Mei had remembered that instance. But Hazumi didn’t seem to have recognized Mei’s face from their brief encounter. So… “The girl had on a high school uniform. Is she an older friend of yours or something?” Hazumi asked. “Well, something like that, I guess,” I answered. “She’s really a normal person, though.” “She was suspicious!” Hazumi concluded resolutely. “Her face is so pale, it’s creepy, and she had a patch over her left eye… And then when she said, ‘You’re Hazumi, right?’ it was like there was no emotion at all in her voice.” A patch over her left eye…? “What did you talk about?” I asked gingerly. “Nothing,” Hazumi answered, as if she was commenting on something deeply disagreeable. “She didn’t say anything; she just stood outside the entryway and stared right at my face. That’s all she did before leaving.” “I see.” “Listen, Sou, what the heck is up with her? Why did she come to my house? What did she want?” Hazumi piled on the questions, her voice growing much more animated. I wasn’t sure how I should answer her, and while I was faltering over it— The chime signaling the end of lunch break started ringing through the old classroom speaker. 12 The following day, Tuesday, September 11. I overslept considerably and didn’t wake up until after ten o’clock. Second period had already started. “Don’t rush off, Sou.” I had skipped breakfast and was about to leave the house when Auntie Sayuri called out to stop me. “Are you feeling all right? Have you got a fever or anything?” “Ummm…I’m fine.” “When you didn’t get up, I peeked into your room, but you were fast asleep. Somehow, I felt bad about waking you. You’ve been going through so much lately, so you’re probably exhausted.” “I’m sorry for worrying you.” “You can stay home from school when you’re not feeling well, you know.” “No…I’m fine, really,” I answered. I didn’t want to burden my aunt and uncle any more than I already had. But to be honest, I definitely wasn’t feeling “fine” when I left the house. I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before. Every time I was on the verge of getting some rest, I would have a nightmare and wake back up…and that cycle repeated. Night after night, I’d hardly slept a wink. Thinking back on it, it had been that way ever since last Wednesday night, the foggy day when Kuroi went missing. I was well aware that both my body and mind were utterly exhausted. With the ongoing lack of sleep, I was beyond groggy. That’s why I had gotten into bed early last night. But that hadn’t stopped my thoughts from running wild… The Grade 3 Class 3 classroom, with its conspicuous empty seats. The oppressive atmosphere. Yagisawa’s listless face. My exchange with Hazumi on the phone. The way most of the teachers tried their best not to make eye contact with the students during class, and how they spoke somewhat gingerly when addressing us… …After sixth period, our substitute homeroom teacher, Mr. Chibiki, came into the classroom wearing an uncharacteristically severe expression. But the words that he spoke to us were somewhat muffled and weak. “Frankly, I don’t want to think about the ‘calamity’ starting up again. But I can’t deny the fact that since the start of this month, a number of ‘related individuals’ have lost their lives. So the question is, how should we handle this situation?” Even when Mr. Chibiki told us this, no one cried or panicked. The response was very blank… No, there was no response at all. The room was silent and still, almost as if “death” itself were now a regular fixture of the room. The only sound was the rain falling outside, like some sort of mechanical white noise… “How should we deal with this?” Mr. Chibiki repeated the question. “I have no idea,” he answered himself, shaking his head side to side. “But what I mean to say is, we shouldn’t let our anxiety and fear get the better of us—that’s all I wanted to emphasize. According to the rules of the calamity, one or more ‘related individuals’ will die each month, but you all—the students of this class only make up a small percentage of the ‘related individuals.’ You mustn’t get obsessed with wondering if you’re next. I want you to remain as calm as possible, especially in times like these. “And there’s one more thing about what’s been happening this week that strikes me as strange. As far as I know, this is the first time that this many ‘accidents’ have happened in such a short period of time…so I wonder if after this, they might actually stop occurring so often. That seems like a possibility.” Mr. Chibiki wasn’t going to offer his students any false reassurances—that was his nature and his policy. I tried to keep that in mind, but all things considered… “It is also a possibility that our current situation is actually something like an aftershock,” he added, squinting hard behind his lenses. It looked like he was mostly trying to convince himself. “At some point in July, the ‘extra person’ disappeared, and the ‘phenomenon’ ended. Consequently, the ‘accidents’ stopped. That should have been the ‘end of things’ for this year. Having more ‘accidents’ at this point defies logic. It doesn’t make sense.” Ah, so then—my thoughts started racing—so then what’s happening this year is definitely a “special case.” Any rules we thought we knew don’t apply anymore. We can’t explain it logically. It’s an absurd, nonsensical situation that we have no means of comprehending…that’s the only way to think about it, right? Mr. Chibiki had almost certainly mentioned the word aftershock as a last-ditch effort to try to somehow explain what was going on. “If we think of the ‘calamity’ as a kind of ‘supernatural natural disaster,’ like an earthquake, then it’s possible that it could have similar aftershocks. That might be what we’re experiencing now. This isn’t something that’s happened before, but this year, there’s some kind of rebound, and that…” It was not a convincing theory. I had no doubt that Mr. Chibiki himself was fully aware of this as he said it. He looked exhausted and stressed out at the same time…and I could tell that he was starting to lose it just a little. …He’s probably already prepared himself for the worst. I’d had similar thoughts over many sleepless nights. Mr. Chibiki, who was subbing for Ms. Kanbayashi in our homeroom after her death, was now an “active member of Grade 3 Class 3.” He was one of the “related individuals” who that “calamity” could effect. His position was now completely different than before, when he had been observing the “phenomenon” as an “outsider.” So… On top of his stress and exhaustion, I could tell that he was juggling a great deal of sorrow as well. For some reason, thinking about him reminded me of Uncle Teruya, who had departed this world three years ago. 13 I noticed that I had a missing call in my phone history while I was on my way to school. When I checked, I saw that it had been from Tsukiho. It was the first time she’d called me in about two and a half months. There was a notification for one voice message. Tsukiho must have left it. I could imagine what it said, since she had gone out of her way to call me today—the morning of September 11. I had gotten calls from her this morning last year and the year before, too. To wish me—happy birthday. I was turning fifteen today. It was natural for my mom to want to wish me happy birthday. Even when you took our situation for the past three years into account… Since that day in late June, when I had declared our separation on the roof of the municipal hospital (in front of Mei), my ill feelings toward Tsukiho had diminished somewhat. At the time, Mei had asked me, “…You love her, don’t you? You love her all the same,” but even I wasn’t sure yet if that was really true. I don’t want to hear this message. I was certain of that, at least. With that thought, I erased it without playing it. The rain seemed like it would continue falling, as it had all night. It stopped as I left the house, but it was cloudy enough that the weather could turn bad again at any moment. Sure enough, just as I arrived at school, a fine drizzle started falling. It was a light-enough rain that I didn’t bother using my umbrella. I picked up the pace and entered the school from the back gate just before eleven o’clock. Second period would have ended already, and third period had just started. There were no PE classes happening out on the damp, puddle-covered field, and the huge uninhabited space looked truly desolate. There were several pitch-black silhouettes flying above the school grounds—crows. I stopped briefly to track them calmly with my eyes…and that’s when it happened. My phone vibrated with an incoming call. Tsukiho again? I thought. But considering the time of day, that wasn’t possible. Reassessing, I pulled out my phone. The name on the display was “Yagisawa.” I answered the call. “Hello? Yagisawa?” I heard his voice. “Sou…you home?” “No, I’m not. I’m running late, so I just finally got to school.” “What? I was so sure that you would take today off.” “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I couldn’t get up this morning, that’s all. What about you? Shouldn’t you be in class now? Or are you not at school?” I asked. There was a short pause. “I’m here, but I didn’t go to third period.” “So…what’s up?” “Well, I just sorta…” Yagisawa answered evasively, then immediately asked me a question in return. “You said you just got here, right? Where are you?” “I came in through the back gate…” “Hmm? Ah, is that you?” “What do you mean?” Surprised, I looked around instinctively. Maybe he could see me from where he was now. “Where are you…?” “I thought you were at home taking the day off; that’s why I called you.” “Huh? What do you mean?” “Well…” He started to say something and trailed off. I could hear his labored breathing whenever he paused… Before long, he said, “I wanted to talk to you one last time.” “Huh?!” What is he talking about? What on earth does that mean, one last time? My anxiety started rising. Panicking, I examined my surroundings again. Searching for a place where he would be able to see me. A place where he could spot me and recognize me well enough to ask if it was me. Where would that be? “I’m right here.” I heard his voice through the phone. “On the roof of Building C.” “Huh? Huh?” Across the deserted school grounds. A three-story gray school building made of reinforced concrete. Building C was the closest one to me. And on the roof… …There, that’s him. It was raining harder now, and I strained my eyes to look. I could see a single human figure standing out against a background of cloudy dark-gray sky. Because of the distance, I couldn’t see Yagisawa very clearly, but he seemed to be standing on the outside of the iron railing that cordoned off the roof. Is he…? “Can you see me?” came his voice. “Should I wave?” The figure put one hand up. “Your timing is kinda spooky, man.” “Hang on, Yagisawa—what are you…?” Still pressing the cell phone to my ear, I started jogging through the field. Cutting straight across the grounds was the shortest path to that building. “Sorry, Sou, but I just…,” Yagisawa said, “I quit—I’m running away.” “You quit? You’re running? Wh-what are you—?” I gasped out a response as I ran across the grounds, muddy with rain. “What are you saying? What…?” “I’ve been thinking about it the whole time,” he answered. “As long as I stay in Yomiyama as a member of Grade 3 Class 3, I can’t escape the risk of an ‘accident.’ And this isn’t just a problem for me. My parents or siblings could get wrapped up in it, too. Like Tanaka’s little brother. Or Tajimi’s older sister. In which case…” He didn’t sound worked up at all; instead, he sounded matter-of-fact as he told me, “In which case, I’d rather disappear now, I figure. If I do that, my family will be cut loose from Grade 3 Class 3. And since they would no longer be ‘related individuals,’ there shouldn’t be any chance of the ‘calamity’ getting to them, right?” “Y-you’re kidding…” I came to a stop most of the way across the school grounds and gazed up at Building C. There was no longer any question about the person standing on the edge of the rain-soaked roof. It was definitely Yagisawa. “Don’t do it!” I was gasping for breath, but I managed to squeeze out the words. Yagisawa must have been planning to jump from that point. He would leap, end his own life, and save his family… “You can’t! Don’t do it!” Does he not know? Doesn’t he know that his plan might not work? “You can’t stop me.” “Don’t!” Like three years ago, when a student died in an “accident” and then their grandparents passed later that year during the school trip… Isn’t he aware of that? But given the circumstances, I didn’t have the chance to explain that to him. “Don’t do it, Yagisawa.” All I could do was plead with him with all my heart. “You can’t.” “I’ve already made up my mind.” “Don’t! Stop!” This last cry wasn’t through the phone. I shouted as loud as I could, directly up at him, where he stood on the roof. “Stop it!” I was sure that my screams made it to the ears of the teachers and students who were in the middle of class. More than half the classroom windows were open, after all. Several faces peeked out from the windows on each floor of Building C. I felt their eyes converge on me, looking at me with suspicion. “Stop it!” I shouted again. “Don’t do it, Yagisawa!” “Sorry, Sou.” Through the phone, I heard him sigh and say, “Bye now. You keep on living.” He hung up. Then, the very next moment— Yagisawa’s body, which had been perched on the outside of the railing on the roof, flew into the air. There was no time for me to say anything as it soared above the ground—then fell behind the thicket of plants that grew between the sports field and the school buildings and disappeared from view. 14 Several hours after this uproar, I returned back home. Auntie Sayuri already knew what had transpired and worried over me incessantly, but I just answered her with, “I’m fine,” and secluded myself in my room in a daze. I’d witnessed Yagisawa jump in real time. The shock had been overwhelming. I had been literally paralyzed, unable to move a muscle or run over to where he fell. All I could do was stand there, getting soaked by the rain. Meanwhile, someone had reported the incident to emergency services, and before long, police officers and EMTs had rushed to the scene… The whole school was in a tumult. I remembered watching from a distance as they put him onto a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance. He’d landed on grassy ground, made soft by the constant rain—he hadn’t died on impact. I’d wanted very much to follow Yagisawa to the hospital, but Mr. Chibiki had found me there and must have guessed what was going on with me, because he called out to me and said, “I’ll go to the hospital, so you hurry home today, Hiratsuka. That would probably be best.” “Ah…but—” “You look awful. Both you and your voice are shaking. How do you feel?” “I don’t know.” “You saw Yagisawa jump, didn’t you?” “Yes. I was running late, and when I got to school, it was just as he…” “Mm. At any rate, you should go lie down in the nurse’s office, or if you feel up to it, you can go straight home.” “But Yagisawa…Yagisawa is…” “I’ll contact you as soon as we know what condition he’s in.” “…………” “The police are looking for witnesses and will probably want to hear your story, but for now, I’ll intervene as best I can and keep them away from you. Okay?” “Thank you.” “Be careful on your way home. Don’t let the ‘calamity’ get the better of you.” “Okay.” Ultimately, I had gone home alone around two in the afternoon to wait for Mr. Chibiki’s call. The intermittent fits of shaking that racked my body finally tapered off. Strangely, I hadn’t shed a single tear. It was as if my emotions had been paralyzed as well. If I recalled correctly, I got the call from Mr. Chibiki a little after four o’clock. A call came to my cell phone from the municipal hospital where they’d taken Yagisawa. “He’s in critical condition and still unconscious from a skull fracture and brain hemorrhage. He narrowly escaped death, but it sounds like it’s touch and go.” Mr. Chibiki informed me of Yagisawa’s condition in a quiet, subdued voice. “They’re not allowing visitors except for family. Even if you rushed over there, there’s nothing you could do.” “Really?” “But why did Yagisawa do this all of a sudden?” Mr. Chibiki sounded like he was mostly asking himself. I was conflicted over whether to inform him of my exchange with Yagisawa over the phone right before he jumped off the roof. In the end, I decided not to, because it was extremely painful to recall. “Um, Mr. Chibiki?” I asked. “Is Yagisawa’s…is this also part of the ‘calamity,’ I wonder?” “The deaths brought about by the ‘calamity’ are not limited to accidents and illnesses. They include suicides and murders, too.” “Yes, of course.” “I’ve seen all sorts. Of course, it depends on the case, but sometimes people other than ‘related individuals’ do get dragged into it…” “Do you think he’ll survive?” I asked another question. Mr. Chibiki’s answer was unsparing. “Critical condition means it’s very serious, even more so if this is a part of the ‘calamity.’ We shouldn’t cling to hope. I know it’s tragic, but…” I imagined the figure of Yagisawa, hovering between life and death in the intensive care unit at the hospital, and my chest started hurting so much, it scared me. Even so, no tears came out. Sure enough, my emotions had been paralyzed. I should be sad; I should be suffering. I should be anxious and terrified and desperate. And yet, the circuit that connects all those different emotions has been cut somewhere. That was what it felt like. I also had the bizarre sense that, while my mind was fragmented and confused in the wake of suffering serious trauma, some part of my consciousness was detaching itself from “reality.” I also felt like my heart was starting to break. I couldn’t help but recall again the events of the summer of three years earlier. My heart wasn’t that strong to begin with, and it could no longer stand this present “reality,” so… I wonder what will happen once it starts to break, is breaking, has broken? What will become of “me” then? What exactly will “I” be…? I was caught in a helpless thought loop. I stayed in my room alone, stuck in a stupor. 15 I only left my room that evening when I was called down for dinner. I ate just a little, without making conversation, then went right back to my room. Worry. Anxiety. Fear. Suspicion. Doubt. Helplessness. Despair… Countless questions and thoughts were scattered through my mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually confront a single one. Though I could feel my heart begin to break, it also felt distant, like it belonged to someone else. Like before, I’m pretty sure everything passed in a blur. What I really wanted was to go to sleep, as soon as possible, whether that meant turning to medication or something else. I resorted to taking twice the prescribed amount of the sleeping pills and sedatives that I had on hand…yet even so, deep sleep eluded me. During my fitful slumber, it seemed like some parts of my brain were still awake and alert, continuing to ruminate of their own accord. That’s how it felt to me, but… ………… …Why? That was the big question weighing on me. …Why? Why is this happening? Why are there still “accidents” even after “Izumi Akazawa,” this year’s “casualty,” returned to “death?” It was supposed to be over, so why has it been like this since the start of the month…? Ah, why? What could be going on? Is it because the “phenomenon” this time is a “special case,” an “aberration” that even Mr. Chibiki has never experienced before? But what if…what if this is not a “special case” like that? If that was true, what would it mean? “So to solve this problem, I’m sure that finding a ‘power balance’ will be essential, or so it seems to me.” I suddenly recalled what Izumi had said. “The ‘power’ of the ‘casualty’ pulling us toward ‘death’ is offset by the ‘power’ of the ‘non-exister,’ maintaining a balance. That’s how I see it.” …Why? “That must mean, in other words, that we’re working with a different power dynamic this year.” …Why? Why now, why is what she said…? Why? Why? Why? Countless “whys” jumbled together, tossing me to and fro. Or maybe I should take something from this. Something…an answer? But there’s no such thing; it shouldn’t exist—we’ve already given up on finding it, and yet…and yet? …Why? Why…? Oh, right, at this late stage, Mei Misaki went to see Yuika Hazumi, huh? “She was suspicious!” These were Hazumi’s words. “Her face is so pale, it’s creepy, and she had a patch over her left eye…” ………… ………… …I can almost make something out. …Thud. I can’t see it clearly. I can almost grasp it— …Thud. I can’t get a hold on it. Something is… Something’s there, maybe something very important… …Thud. ………… ………… …I suddenly opened my eyes. I urgently needed to urinate. Legs shaking perhaps from the medicine, I tried to making my way to the bathroom. Before I got anywhere, I noticed my cell phone, which had been tossed onto the floor beside my bed. When I picked it up, I noticed that the battery was dead. Come to think of it, I don’t think I charged it yesterday or today. My hazy mind—perhaps also a consequence of the medicine—sluggishly arrived at this thought, and I plugged my phone into the charger… Once I had gone to the bathroom and done my business, I staggered back toward my room… On the way, I heard some strange voices. Weird…unusual voices having a conversation. They likely belong to Uncle Haruhiko and Auntie Sayuri. They’re probably coming from the living room. Maybe the TV is on, too; it kind of sounds like it. Even though I was up and moving around, it felt like more than half my brain was still asleep. Despite my fogginess, I went to see what was going on in the living room. I looked at the clock by the bathroom. It was already past midnight. At this time of night…? I wondered why they were still awake. As I suspected, my uncle and aunt were in the living room. The two of them were sitting on the sofa, watching the television intently. The cat, Kurosuke, was there also, pacing beside them restlessly. “Sou?” Auntie Sayuri noticed me. “Oh, Sou, something awful’s happened,” she said, pointing toward the TV. Uncle Haruhiko just glanced at me briefly, then immediately looked back at the screen. I, too, turned my eyes to the television. The TV screen was showing a striking view of some foreign city. What is this? Some kind of movie? No, that’s not it. The news seems to be talking about this as a present, ongoing “event”… “A passenger plane has crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings, followed soon after by a second plane. The two damaged buildings have completely collapsed in a terrible disaster…” New York City? The World Trade Center buildings? What they’re showing on TV now must be images from right after that collapse. Under a cloudless blue sky, an incredible plume of smoke rose from the city like a massive volcanic eruption, or perhaps a huge, dark monster with a malevolent will of its own. “We tried calling Hikari, but the line won’t connect,” my aunt said with a worried face. “She’s living in Queens, so I think she’s probably safe, but…” Hikari was Haruhiko and Sayuri’s oldest daughter, who lived in New York City. “The Pentagon in Washington is up in flames, too. We don’t know the whole story yet, but it looks like a large-scale terrorist attack.” Even though I heard what my uncle was saying, I couldn’t really respond. It was like I was still more than half asleep. After that point, I don’t really remember what I saw, or heard, or what we talked about. I also don’t really remember when I headed back to my room and went to sleep. All I could recall was that no matter how much news footage I watched, and no matter how it was explained, I couldn’t help but feel like none of it was really happening. I wasn’t sure whether it would still be real when I opened my eyes in the morning.