Shang Qinghua shrugged. “My bad. How did you make up afterward?”
Shen Qingqiu waved his hand. “We boned to save the world!”
“Is your relationship publicly known or secret?”
“Have you ever heard the Regret of Chunshan?” Shen Qingqiu shot back.
The questions after that were on a free fall in terms of degeneracy.
Shang Qinghua cleared his throat. “Are you the top or the bottom?”
Luo Binghe was uncomprehending. “What does that mean?”
While Luo Binghe genuinely didn’t understand, Shen Qingqiu pretended not to. He waved his fan. “Who knows what it means? Pass, pass, pass.”
“How did you decide that?”
Shen Qingqiu thought for a bit. “I really don’t know. Somehow it just happened that way. Probably because he looked pitiful?”
Luo Binghe was perplexed. “I still don’t know what he’s asking.”
Shen Qingqiu patted the top of his head. “It’s all right if you don’t understand,” he said earnestly. “You’re not at a disadvantage in any way.”
“Where did you have your first time?”
Shen Qingqiu was about to answer when Luo Binghe barged in. “Qing Jing Peak.”
“Mai—”
Luo Binghe once again barged in. “Qing Jing Peak, the Bamboo House.”
All right, he’ll never acknowledge such a failure of a first time, Shen Qingqiu thought. Let it be Qing Jing Peak. There’s nothing worth arguing over; let him answer however he likes. I won’t correct him anymore.
“What were you feeling at that time?”
Shen Qingqiu was silent. If he were to be honest, it came down to three words: pain, pain, and more pain. But saying this in front of others would embarrass Luo Binghe far too much.
Depressed, Luo Binghe said, “Shizun was wonderful. But I was completely useless.”
“The morning after your first night, what was the first thing you said?”
“Shizun, breakfast is ready.”
“Don’t say anything else until you put your clothes on first!”
“How many times do you do it in a month?”
Shen Qingqiu thought this was beyond ridiculous. “Who’s bored enough to count something like that? Also, why have the questions been consistently moving in such a strange direction?”
“Roughly speaking, once every three days,” Luo Binghe said seriously. “If Shizun is happy, sometimes he’ll let me touch him after only two.”
Shang Qinghua chewed on the brush shaft, jotting down the records while muttering, “This is unscientific… According to the way I wrote him, even if he did it from the beginning of the month all the way to the end without taking a break, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Then, “Under normal circumstances, where do you get intimate?”
“He has an obsession with the Bamboo House,” said Shen Qingqiu.
Luo Binghe smiled brightly while nodding. “Mm.”
“And where do you want to try 【beep—】 the most?
“If we’re doing it anyway, what does it matter where we do it?” asked Shen Qingqiu.
“Bai Zhan Peak,” Luo Binghe said evenly.
The room fell silent.
“The Bai Zhan Peak training grounds,” Luo Binghe said calmly.
The fuck?! thought Shen Qingqiu.
Is it your life that you don’t care about, or your face?! thought Shang Qinghua. “What sort of agreements do you have about 【beep—】ing?”
“If it hurts, he has to tell me,” said Luo Binghe. “He absolutely has to!”
“No crying allowed!” said Shen Qingqiu.
“Say, have you guys misunderstood the implication behind the word ‘agreement’?” asked Shang Qinghua.
“‘If you can’t have a person’s heart, then you should at least have their body.’ Do you approve or disapprove of this line of thinking?”
“That’s a loser’s—ahem, a degenerate’s take on things,” Shen Qingqiu said contemptuously.
“Without the heart, what use is the body?” Luo Binghe asked.
Shang Qinghua thought sadly about how under his pen, Luo Binghe had obviously been a peerless stallion who’d pursued only his desire to 【beep—】, and the number of women he’d r-【beep—】-ped had definitely been in the double digits…
He’d known that the Luo Binghe in this strange world had turned gay, but exactly how had he fallen, step-by-step, to this point?!
“If your partner was ra—ahem—ped by a thug, what would you do?” asked Shang Qinghua.
This question was way too surreal.
Shen Qingqiu was speechless for a long time until he said, “Who would be stupid enough to rape him?”
Even if you were trying to die, at least look for a better-looking way to do it!
Luo Binghe rolled up his sleeves, then said in a leisurely manner, “I’d turn them into human swine and throw them into the Endless Abyss. Then I’d think of some other methods by which to slowly punish and play with them for ten years before finally killing them.”
“If a good friend said to you, ‘I’m very lonely, so just for tonight, would you…’ and asked to be intimate, would you agree?
“I don’t have such shameless friends,” Luo Binghe said indifferently. “I don’t need friends.”
Head lowered, Shen Qingqiu scraped at the tea leaves in his cup, then took a sip. “I also don’t have such friends.”
“Really?” Luo Binghe said doubtfully. “Liu…Liu-shishu wouldn’t say that kind of thing?”
Tea sprayed all over the floor.
Shang Qinghua, who’d had his upper body sprayed with tea, had gone to change his clothes and returned, and now continued his questions. “Do you think you’re good at sex? What about your partner?”
Shen Qingqiu let out a dry laugh. Luo Binghe looked on the verge of tears.
Shen Qingqiu saw his melancholic expression, miserable beyond words, and pity filled his heart. He turned back toward Shang Qinghua and said angrily, “Isn’t it obvious that this is a sensitive topic? Pass!”
Shang Qinghua picked at his ear. “Okay, okay, it’s all my bad. Are you interested in S&M?”
“What is that? Shizun, why are there more and more things I don’t understand?”
“Oh. He’s asking whether you like me hitting and scolding you, or if you would feel anything if I pricked you with a needle or burned you with a flame,” said Shen Qingqiu.
Luo Binghe looked a little bashful, then said softly, “As long as it’s Shizun, how could this disciple dislike it?”
Shang Qinghua understood. He picked up the pen and with a flourish, wrote: Luo Binghe has great interest in S&M!
“What’s the most agonizing thing about sex?”
“He’s too small,” said Luo Binghe.
“He’s too big,” said Shen Qingqiu.
Shang Qinghua silently swore at this master and disciple, calling them shameless, then wrote with another flourish: Go figure it out yourselves!
“Has the bottom ever actively tried to seduce the top?”
Shen Qingqiu pointed at himself. “Me? Do I look like that kind of person?”
“It’s hard to say. Because you also looked pretty straight…” Shang Qinghua murmured. “Where do you like being kissed?”
Luo Binghe said, “Forehead, fingers, lips, everywhere.”
“Honestly…this child can’t kiss,” Shen Qingqiu said helplessly. “He only knows how to bite.”
“What’s the best way to please your partner during 【beep—】?”
“Praise him for improving?” said Shen Qingqiu.
“Not crying,” said Luo Binghe.
Shang Qinghua’s brush flew like the wind, and he absentmindedly added another line: Master Shen’s standards are so low.
“What do you think about at those times?”
“Who issued this questionnaire?” said Shen Qingqiu. “Do they have any experience at all? At that kind of time your mind is utterly blank. What else can you think about?”
“Do you remove your own clothes, or does your partner help remove them for you?”
“If I let him do it, I wouldn’t have many clothes left to wear,” Shen Qingqiu said.
“Shizun, how can I control my strength at times like that?” Luo Binghe said defensively.
“How many times in one night?”
“How many times?” Shen Qingqiu asked. “No, I mean, do people really make a point to count that?”
Shang Qinghua turned the page, ready to keep asking—
But Luo Binghe had long since lost his patience and smiled coldly. “If you want to know that much, I’ll count today, then tell Shang…-shishu later. That will do.”
“The last question! Really, it’s the last one! What do you most want to say to your partner?”
Master and disciple glanced at each other.
Shen Qingqiu waved his fan. “We’re done here, Binghe. Let’s go home and eat.”
“Mm, all right,” Luo Binghe said obediently.
He wrapped an arm around Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder, then kicked open the door and left. A strong wind gusted into the room, blowing over the pile of questionnaire sheets Shang Qinghua had just completed until they had drifted all over the floor. Shang Qinghua’s lips twitched uncontrollably. He squatted down and picked up a couple sheets, but after some time, he suddenly fell to his knees.
“Cucumber-bro, you scam artist—that’s definitely not ‘what you most want to say to your partner’! My quest… Master System, please don’t deduct points so quickly! There’s only one question that didn’t get answered—ahhhhh! Cucumber-bro, you fucker!”