These days, Bing-ge’s mood was especially bad.
Shang Qinghua could understand. As the stallion protagonist who, in the original work, could fuck his way across the continent solo, he had now captured and imprisoned Shen Qingqiu, and…
Yup, just imprisoned him. Imprisoned him and nothing else.
Could you believe it?! He was the original author, and even he didn’t dare believe it!
If he could still control the current Bing-ge with his pen, guided by the principle of “satisfying the protagonist is satisfying the readers,” he would absolutely have let Luo Binghe defile Shen Qingqiu hundreds of times—yeah, hundreds of times, over and over like skewering a kebab. (This definitely had nothing to do with his personal grievances against Peerless Cucumber. Definitely not.) No props, position, or location would ever be repeated. Things would get easier once it was skewered, mind you, and of course feelings would develop during the skewering…
In comparison, the current Bing-ge’s life was the dull and arduous sort, in which he might go three years without knowing the taste of meat. Shang Qinghua couldn’t help but feel sorry for his dear son.
So, no brainless idiot would dare go up to Luo Binghe and be a nuisance at this kind of time.
In the assembly hall of the underground palace, everyone hurried about on their own business. Sha Hualing was sewing together that giant net of immortal-binding cables that Shen Qingqiu had torn apart as she stole looks at Luo Binghe, sometimes biting her lip in dissatisfaction. Mobei-Jun was taking a nap at the west end of the hall, eyes closed. Shang Qinghua bounced his leg, idle to the point of agitation.
He really didn’t have anything to do, and he hadn’t wanted to come to the assembly hall either. But this was demon territory. If he didn’t stay within arm’s reach of Mobei-Jun, who could say if he wouldn’t be swallowed whole by some manner of bizarre creature?
Just when he was about to crawl over to Mobei-Jun and risk a beating to request that his king find somewhere with a less tense atmosphere to nap, Luo Binghe suddenly said one word.
“If…”
Every demon in the hall perked up their ears.
“If you hold unique feelings for a certain person, how can you make them understand your intentions?” Luo Binghe asked.
Poor Ice-brother! He was totally like a terminal patient desperately turning to any doctor he could find!
Even though his question was veiled, how couldn’t they all tell that he was looking for romantic advice?
Moreover, he was actually trying to have a serious discussion about this sort of thing in front of his subordinates. Sure enough, people (demons) just shouldn’t fall in love, thought Shang Qinghua. Because as soon as they do, their IQ drops like a stone.
Obviously, no one dared to tear down Luo Binghe’s facade and expose him directly, but this question was really very…unsuited to the demonic approach. After a long moment, not a single person had answered.
In fact, the answer was so simple that any normal human could have given it to you. If you liked someone, you should just tell them. Unfortunately, there was not a single “normal” person on the scene—and aside from Shang Qinghua, there also were no “humans” either.
Mobei-Jun thought about it. With the paths his mind was given to take, there was no telling how he had interpreted “unique” feelings. “Beat them up three times a day?”
Luo Binghe made a stop gesture with one hand and said wisely, “You don’t need to answer.”
Of everyone present, the only one who had a natural advantage due to their gender, and who therefore might be able to field this sort of question, was Sha Hualing. So, the others all swept their gazes toward her.
With WTF? Why should I provide this sort of advice to the man I want to take for myself? written all over her face, the finely shaped lips and brows of the Sha-meimei who had been extremely popular in the original work twitched several times. Finally, still spasming, she let out a dry, “Why doesn’t my lord ask Senior Meng Mo?”
“I’ve already asked,” said Luo Binghe.
No one knew better what sort of shit answer Meng Mo had given than Shang Qinghua. That guy was the same as Shang Qinghua—he was clearly of the “just do them first” persuasion!
Shang Qinghua broke and let out a chuckle.
Sha Hualing had been brooding, her chest full of repressed emotions with nowhere to vent them. Latching on to his break, she erupted. “You dare! Who are you to sneak into the assembly hall and make a disturbance while my lord is discussing important matters?!”
That kind of question…couldn’t be called important matters, could it? And he had only let out one sound; how did that count as a “disturbance”?
As this wasn’t the first time Sha Hualing had picked on him, Shang Qinghua was adept at meeting her with indifference. He kept himself planted in his seat, pretending he was nothing more than empty air. As expected, Mobei-Jun was unconcerned.
Sha Hualing saw that no one was paying attention to her and indignantly wrung her long fingernails. “My lord, Mobei-Jun brings him everywhere every day without the least bit of discretion—and even brings him to the assembly hall! What is the meaning of this?”
Luo Binghe was also unconcerned. “You see him every day; are you not used to him yet?”
Sha Hualing was going to faint.
But this was the first time in months that Bing-ge had expressed an opinion on Shang Qinghua’s existence! Immediately, Shang Qinghua started up an ecstatic internal chant of, My son noticed me, he noticed me, ha ha ha ha!
What he didn’t expect was Luo Binghe taking a look at him and saying, “Since you laughed, does that mean you have something to say?”
Shang Qinghua was at a loss for words.
Sha Hualing let out a “Ha!” followed by, “Well asked, my lord. Since he is so familiar with Shen—with humans, he must have some remarkable and clever insight. All of us would do well to listen with respectful attention.”
Shang Qinghua turned back to look at Mobei-Jun, who was sitting behind him. Surprise, surprise, he had no intention of helping him out of this situation.
So, Shang Qinghua braced himself and said decisively, “Well…of course I have something to say! The secret lies in two words: ‘Be clingy’! As they say, ‘A fierce woman fears a clingy man; a brave hero fears a pampered lady.’ As long as your skills are up to par, you can grind an iron bar into a needle. Even if he’s as straight as an embroidery needle, you can still bend him into a paper clip!”
“What’s with this ‘straight’ and ‘bent’?” Sha Hualing asked. “Don’t speak the Human Realm’s dialect. My lord, I think he’s simply acting enigmatic on purpose!”