Gravis looked into the eyes of his faithful servant.
“…Did you not object this time because Leorino is a nobleman?”
Theodor gazed back at his master with calm eyes.
The history of unspoken anguish between the master and servant, treading the same path since childhood, was laid between them.
“I realize that one life is not enough to atone for my past sins.”
With these words, Theodor slowly bowed his head.
Leorino closed the book he was reading to keep his mind occupied, thinking it was nearly time for Gravis to return home.
The thought of sleeping with Gravis again today brought both melancholy and joy to his heart.
These feelings confused Leorino, but by now he accepted them as a matter of course.
Ever since he had been brought to the palace, he had nothing but time to think.
Day after day, Gravis’s intense touch fell upon him without saying a word. He poured pleasure into him, nearly to the point of overflowing, but Leorino was already aware of Gravis’s fear lurking behind these acts.
Gravis was more afraid of Leorino getting hurt than Leorino himself.
He had told him many times to take care of himself. But Leorino had not expected the feelings behind those words to be so sincere.
The kisses all over his face he felt when he was on the verge of losing consciousness. A voice fondly whispering his name. A long arm that tightened around him, knowing he was hurting Leorino and yet unable to let go. Gravis’s silent pleas had poured into Leorino’s body, and finally, Leorino arrived at an answer.
The choice to leave everything in his hands.
The courage to admit his own weakness and inability to fight.
He would wait for Gravis somewhere safe, to assuage the fear of losing him that had taken root deep within. Leorino had quietly made up his mind to do just that.
If he was honest, it hurt Leorino to admit that he was a weakling who needed someone’s protection.
But the most important thing to him was Gravis’s heart.
Leorino had to discard his pride as a man and his desire to fulfill his own ambitions. He didn’t mind being helpless, or their love being entirely physical. If anything, he wanted Gravis to love him more, to desire him harder.
Leorino had finally come to believe that if this would reassure Gravis at least a little, then it would be the right choice.
It appeared that Gravis had actually returned. The attendant made his presence known first, and the man he had been waiting for entered behind him.
“I’m back.”
“Welcome home.” He rushed to greet the man and was as usual embraced by Gravis’s long arms.
Leorino unconsciously relaxed his body to accept him. Although Gravis would usually immediately lay his hands on Leorino, his lips didn’t touch him once, and his clothes remained untouched.
Leorino had buried his face into Gravis’s chest, but now raised his head and asked with his gaze if something was wrong. Gravis looked down at Leorino with a somewhat pain-stricken expression.
“Vi?”
“…Your guard scolded me. He said I was trying to kill your heart.”
“Josef… He told you that? What could he mean? Did he bother you?”
“He told me to speak with you. And that locking you up like this and having my way with you will break you one day.”
Leorino was surprised. He rushed to bow his head.
“Josef must have been concerned… I apologize for him.”
“No, I don’t blame him. On the contrary, he hit the nail on the head.”
It had been a long time since Leorino had exchanged so many words with Gravis. Their twinkling starry-sky and violet gazes met.
“I’m sorry, Leorino. I must have scared you.”
“…Vi.”
“I can hardly control myself when it comes to you. I have come to realize it all over again.”
Leorino clutched at his chest.
“No, I’m also to blame… I wanted to prove to you that I could be as useful as Ionia, and I did something reckless. I really, really regret it.”
“I don’t expect you to be the same as Ionia.”
Leorino nodded. “I’m aware. But somewhere deep inside, I was still putting on airs…and in my foolishness, I betrayed your trust.”
“I can tell you’re sorry. I heard that you fought back. You were doing your best to be strong, but I ignored that. You must’ve worked hard.”
“But in the end, I couldn’t defend myself.”
“Still, you obtained valuable information from Her Highness Eleonora. I’m having Ginter look into it now.”
“No, I, uh, I shouldn’t have interfered. I’m sorry.”
Hearing Leorino express so much remorse, Gravis furrowed his brow. He then embraced Leorino’s thin body and apologized himself.
“…I’m sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I didn’t want to let you out into the world. I didn’t want anyone to take you away from me.”
“Vi.”
“My eyes have been opened. I realize now that what I should have done was to suppress this selfishness of mine.”
They had both been thinking about giving the other what they wanted at the very same time. Leorino got the strange impression that their hearts had aligned perfectly with this coincidence.
“…I almost wished I could stay here so you could make love to me for the rest of my life, Vi.”
Leorino wondered if Gravis had felt the same way. His hard, strong body relaxed. Then he made a small noise deep in his throat.
“Are you saying you were prepared to go along with this crazy obsession of mine?”
“Prepared… I just realized that no matter what happens, I’d be happy as long as I got to be by your side.”
Gravis finally spoke the words that had been plaguing his mind.
“I’m afraid of losing you. That’s my greatest fear.”
“…I know.”
“If I lose you, I might succumb to despair for good this time. I realize it’s pathetic for a man my age to admit this… Nevertheless.”
Gravis wanted to cherish Leorino and give him a reason to smile for the rest of his life. Those feelings were real. But he could never let go of him. Leorino understood the man’s sentiment.
“I know.”
Leorino put all his strength into his arms as he returned the embrace.
“…Vi. Gravis. I’m really sorry for worrying you. I realize that I am foolish and immature. I promise not to do anything reckless again.”
“Please, don’t ever leave my arms again.”
Leorino rubbed his forehead against Gravis’s chest and agreed.
“It would appear that I belong at your side.”
“Leorino, that’s…”
Leorino looked back into his beloved’s eyes with all the affection he could muster.
“If my being safe makes you strong, then let me stay in your arms forever.”
Gravis’s face crumpled.
Leorino’s soul was willing to give up its freedom for Gravis’s sake. He had offered to tie himself to the yoke on Gravis’s neck.
“…Will you accept me, even though I cannot allow you to live as freely as you may wish, the way Lucas would?”
“…? What does Lucas have to do with anything?” Leorino tilted his head.
“Lucas would have allowed you to live true to yourself, without any restraints, and loved you all the same.”
Leorino wanted to tell Gravis that the comparison was based on the wrong premise.
He had never desired to live true to himself. He only wanted a reason to stay at Gravis’s side the way Ionia had.
“Ionia was happy being loved by Lucas, but I am happier being with you like this, no matter what it takes.”
“…I see.”
They remained in a silent embrace for a while longer.
Gravis finally felt the fear of losing Leorino slowly calm. He was relieved that his maddening obsession had not completely destroyed the brave soul who was trying so hard to be there for him.
It was that guard who had opened his eyes.
“I’m sorry I ignored your feelings in bed. I understand if you…don’t want me to touch you anymore.”
Leorino immediately shook his head.
“I hated being unable to speak with you. But…other than that, I enjoyed it. I’m glad I can accept you fully now.”
So keep making love to me, he implied, his cheeks blushing.
“Forgive me for my foolish behavior. Please allow me to stay by your side.”
Gravis hugged him tightly, careful not to break the lovely being in his arms.
Leorino also tightened his hands around the man’s back as best he could.
“I hope to become half of your heart one day.”