Theodor silently followed several paces behind Gravis. They had known each other for over thirty years now.
Theodor had been raised in the royal palace from a tender age to become Gravis’s attendant. As his childhood friend, Theodor could usually surmise what his longtime master was thinking.
Gravis was exceedingly brilliant from an early age, and as a member of the royal family, he was the most perfect prince one could ever hope for.
Perhaps his greatest misfortune was that, as the second prince, he had been born with qualities superior to those of his older brother.
Theodor was likely the only person who knew how difficult Gravis’s life had been.
The prince was caught between the expectations of the queen dowager, his attachment to his brother the king, and his loyalty to both sides, all between countless attempts on his life.
His sense of duty to protect the peace and stability of the kingdom was the yoke Gravis had been burdened with.
Besides Theodor, the only other person who had noticed Gravis’s anguish was the late red-haired young man.
And it was this young man, Ionia Bergund, to whom Gravis was willing to devote his heart, even at the cost of his royal responsibilities.
His master had been walking in silence, but eventually murmured through a strained laugh: “I can’t compare to Lucas, can I?”
“Lord Leorino loves you.”
“I know he does. I do not doubt Leorino’s feelings. I doubt if I am worthy of him.”
The face of a man as radiant as the sun appeared in the servant’s mind.
Theodor had loathed Lucas Brandt from the moment he met him.
He was a man of valor with an easygoing disposition, and was altogether a very charming human being. This made everything that came later all the more unforgivable to Theodor.
Ionia had been special to Gravis, but Lucas easily crossed the barrier of status and openly coveted him. No matter how much his master wished for it, he could not stand next to Ionia, but Lucas had done it with no effort at all.
In those days at the academy, Lucas stood proudly next to the red-haired young man without fearing what others might think. They walked in the light of day, shoulder to shoulder, laughing together.
Meanwhile, Ionia had been chosen to be Gravis’s human shield, leaving Gravis alone in the darkness, tormented by the fear of losing Ionia.
Gravis could only spend time with Ionia under the veil of night.
At the time, the three-year age difference between them must have been significant. Without realizing that his feelings were love, and unable to give them a definite form, Gravis blindly pursued Ionia.
And still, Lucas became Ionia’s significant other, taking away what meager time they had together from Gravis.
The second son of a count, renowned for his valor, and a prince in the midst of a struggle for the throne. Lucas had continued to inadvertently flaunt the freedom of being able to be with the person he loved to his heart’s content right to Gravis’s face, and Theodor despised him for it.
Gravis had long since accepted his fate. If anything, he seemed to have forgiven Lucas after Ionia’s death.
Gravis had given up on freedom and love, and Theodor had watched it all unfold more closely than anyone, ever since they were children. That was why Theodor continued to hate Lucas in his master’s stead. He had no other choice.
But what Theodor hated more than anyone else was himself.
He had been the one to smother the love between Gravis and Ionia.
If any sin could be said to be eternally irredeemable, it would be his.
It was Theodor who told Adele, the queen dowager, that Gravis had feelings for someone.
Theodor believed that Gravis was the most appropriate candidate for the throne. To place Gravis on the throne, Ionia’s existence, and his status as a commoner and a man, would only get in the way.
Ionia could alleviate Gravis’s loneliness, but he also stood in the way of his ascension to the throne.
Theodor’s heart went back and forth, and eventually his feelings tangled themselves into a knot he could not begin to unravel.
Should he protect his master’s heart, or the future of the throne? Theodor ultimately left the decision to Adele.
As he had expected, the queen hastily arranged a betrothal for Gravis and went to put an end to Ionia’s feelings herself. She wanted Ionia to replace his yearning with loyalty to Gravis, who was to become king.
Ionia accepted the queen’s words and was sent away to the most remote region, effectively erasing him from the royal capital. At that point, everything seemed to be going according to plan.
That was, until Ionia’s life was cut short at Zweilink, and his master’s heart turned to stone for good.
After the war, all the soft, warm parts of his master’s heart had been left barren. Only the mission of defending the country left behind by Ionia had taken root in that scorched earth and kept Gravis’s soul attached to the world of the living.
Gravis most likely knew that it had been Theodor who told the queen dowager about Ionia, but he had never blamed Theodor for any of it.
One day, Gravis had brought back Ionia’s sword—the only thing he left behind—from Zweilink and delivered it to his parents’ blacksmith shop.
Theodor could remember his master’s back as he silently accepted the tearful words of pure venom from Ionia’s father.
It was then that Theodor became aware of the gravity of his own sin.
He was a mere mortal. Who had given him the right to tear apart two souls that had been so naturally drawn together? The royal and the commoner…the difference in their blood, the same sex that could produce no children—he had ruined so much for such trivial reasons.
But the soul of the young man had returned to his master. His personality, his appearance—in every way, he was completely different than before.
But Theodor could tell. Their love for Gravis was the same. He could tell, because he had watched, from closer than anyone else, that presence that touched his master’s heart.
From the moment Leorino appeared in his life, Gravis regained his tender feelings before Theodor’s eyes.
His master was haunted by the fear that he might lose his beloved all over again. Even if that were his fate, Gravis refused to accept it. That was why, as in the present case, any danger that Leorino found himself in made Gravis lose his grip on his anger and caused him to turn to extreme measures.
But Theodor did not possess the words to change his master’s mind.
“I must have made a mistake.”
“…No, my lord, that’s not—”
“I wanted him to stay in my hands without having to worry about anything. It was all one-sided, and I thought I could make him happy the way I saw fit…just as I did with Ionia. ‘Full of shit’ might just be an accurate description.”
Gravis laughed at himself dryly.
“This is the only type of love I’m capable of. It’s all I know.”
Theodor understood the meaning behind Gravis’s words.
“…Is my Fanoren blood at fault?”
Theodor listened in silence, his heart crying out in protest.
Gravis faced the darkness that had taken root in his heart.
“I wanted Leorino to spread his wings. I still do. But I can’t. Now that I have him…I don’t want to lose him again.”
Gravis wanted to enclose Leorino in his hands and protect him from the slightest hint of wind. Gravis didn’t want Leorino to grace anyone else with his gaze. And of course, he would never allow anyone to take Leorino away from him.
The person he loved, and everyone else. He was aware of the cruel balance between attachment and indifference in his heart.
Gravis loathed the blood that flowed through his veins. It was as if he had the same qualities as his father, the king, who was obsessed with his concubine and neglected Gravis’s mother, his queen, and her son.
Gravis cast his gaze off into the distance.
“I thought I had taken after my mother’s…after Francoure’s blood. The blood of Francoure, strict in our duties.”
“Half of you consists of Fanoren royal blood. If that blood makes you who you are, then you must accept it.” Theodor’s voice was quiet as he answered. “You should consider having a sincere conversation with Lord Leorino as Josef suggested.”
“And what if my heart refuses to budge after we speak? What then?”
“Then please be honest with Lord Leorino and simply tell him you don’t wish to lose him.”