She’d asked it like a question, but she stood up without waiting for my answer and sat back down right next to me.
I felt her shoulder press into mine, but I was too nervous to say anything. I could smell the sweet scent of shampoo on her hair. We’d sweated so much carrying the keyboard that I began to worry I might smell bad.
“When I was in junior high, I was so focused on my own feelings for you, I didn’t really notice what was going on around us, but…” She was so close that her voice softened to a whisper, sending shivers down my spine. Then, her head shifted slightly, and she looked up at me. “Do you think you might be popular with girls?”
“Huh?!” I raised my voice, startled. “No way!”
“Are you sure? You get along with them so easily.”
“That’s just because they’re helping me with the drums!”
“You and Kaoru jumped off that boat together and looked pretty cozy.”
“We didn’t jump, we fell.”
“But you did look pretty cozy!” She pouted.
Her reaction surprised me. She’d always been so free-spirited and lived life at her own pace. I never thought she’d care so much about other people’s relationships.
“You get jealous a lot, don’t you?” I blurted out.
She looked surprised and quickly turned red.
“That’s mean!” She playfully smacked my shoulder. “If the girl you liked was always surrounded by boys, you’d feel the same way! Kaoru’s been more aggressive lately, too, and you keep getting all flustered around her!”
“You were the one who told me to take my time and choose!”
It was hard to remain unaffected once someone confessed their feelings to you. I wasn’t so experienced in love that I could remain calm in the face of someone’s earnest advances, and I wasn’t sure it was right to feign disinterest.
“I know I said that…” She rocked back and forth, then leaned her shoulder against mine again and grew still. “But ever since summer vacation started, I’ve been so lonely. We haven’t spent any time together, just the two of us.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded thoughtfully. She had a point.
When we were going to school, we’d walk home together, and sometimes we’d even take detours on the way. Because of that, we were able to find time to spend together… But ever since summer break started, things had been different. Sousuke and Kaoru had joined us at the beach, and then I’d been focused on drum practice. To Ai, it probably looked like I was spending all my time with other girls.
…The fact that her reaction made me happy left me feeling a little guilty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I think about you when we’re apart, too.”
“Really?” I could feel her big eyes focusing on me.
I wasn’t lying. I’d been spending a lot of time practicing the drums, but whenever I lost my focus, my thoughts were filled with Ai.
“It’s true. I wonder about stuff like whether you went on a walk that day.”
“Yeah, I walk every day.”
“Or if you’re staying up too late.”
“Sometimes, when I watch the stars from the balcony, I suddenly realize midnight has come and gone.”
“Or if you’re getting your homework done.”
“……”
Ai shifted her gaze and started whistling out of tune.
I pushed back against her, and she giggled. Then, she plopped her head down on my shoulder and rested it there. Her hair tickled my cheek.
“You’re always so kind and fun to be around, Yuzuru,” she said quietly. “I should’ve listened to you more in junior high. Looking back on it now, I realize I was always the one talking. And you were so nice, you just listened to me. But if I’d paid more attention to what you had to say, maybe we wouldn’t have broken up.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond.
“I know it’s pointless to say that now, but I can’t help thinking about it,” she said with a giggle.
She was right.
Back then, I was drawn to the things she said and did. Just being with her made me feel fulfilled, so I let our relationship continue as it was. Meanwhile, little dissatisfactions started piling up, and eventually, I reached my breaking point. Then, I unleashed my emotions on her all at once and ran away.
If I’d been more honest about my feelings, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. But…that was simply how things went at the time. There was nothing we could do about it now.
“We’re where we are today because of what happened back then,” I said. She lifted her head slightly to look at me, her cheek still on my shoulder. “Because we went through all that, we’re finally able to be open about our emotions.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” She nodded. “This time around, I want to take the time to understand your feelings and figure out what’s important to us… And then, I want to grow to like you even more.”
A few moments passed.
“Mmmmmmmmm.” She pressed her head against my shoulder and nuzzled it. “Buuuuuuut…”
“What? What’s wrong?” I wasn’t sure what to make of her sudden movement.
She looked up at me and said, “It’s so frustrating…”
“Huh…?”
“Well, I really, really like you, Yuzuru!”
Her words echoed through my head. My face suddenly felt hot.
She ignored my reaction and fidgeted. “I like you so much, and I want to spend more time with you, and I wanna get all cozy with you, too!”
“Yeah, but…we’re not even dating yet.”
“Even if we’re not dating, I still like you!”
Ai flailed her limbs around like she was throwing a tantrum. “I want to hug you, kiss you, and do even more…” Then, she inhaled sharply as if realizing what she’d just said.
I looked at her in surprise, and she slowly raised her gaze to meet mine. There was heat in her eyes as she stared up at me.
“Yuzuru…” Her voice sounded husky, and I could feel my heart pounding. “Can I…kiss you?” She looked into my eyes. Her face was flushed, and her expression was strangely captivating. She slowly stretched up toward me, her face drawing nearer.
“N…” I forced out a trembling voice. “…No, you can’t!”
I pushed her back.
She pouted. “You’re so uptight!”
“We’re not even dating yet!”
“Who cares, as long as we both like each other? The mood was totally perfect!”
“But if we kissed…” I trailed off.
She locked eyes with me and asked, “What would happen if we kissed?”
“Um… Well…”
“What?” She leaned forward.
I looked away and said quietly, “I wouldn’t be able to stop…” My voice trembled as I spoke, and I heard her gasp. Her face turned bright red.