“No matter how much I fly around…I’ll always come back to you, Yuzuru. Because…” She stared at me with heat in her eyes.
Stop it! my heart screamed. Please don’t say anything else!
“Because…you caught me, Yuzuru.”
I felt chills run through my whole body.
“No!!” I shouted without even realizing what I was doing.
She jumped, and her eyes went wide.
“I’m not…I’m not the kind of person you think I am,” I said.
“Wh-what do you mean…?” She looked baffled. I knew what I said had confused her.
I suppressed the tears welling up in my eyes and forced the words out from deep inside.
“I loved that you were a free spirit. I loved that about you! So I started dating you without thinking it through and…”
My chest hurt. There was a hot lump in the back of my throat. At that very moment, I was trying to end our relationship completely.
But I had to say it. Because if I didn’t, I knew I would make the same mistake again.
“But then…I hated you for it.”
I saw the sadness take over her eyes in a split second. She always had such a beautiful smile on her face, and now I was the person who had taken it away.
“You can’t be with me, Ai. Because…” It felt like I was expelling all the pain inside my chest. “You’re freer than anyone, and I would only tie you down!”
Ai was speechless at my confession. She opened and closed her mouth a few times without saying a word.
I felt like my tears were about to overflow, so I turned my back to her. “I’m going home.”
“Ah, Yuzuru…”
“I’m sorry, Ai,” I said before jogging away from the park.
I checked to make sure she wasn’t following me, and then I started to run faster. I ran as fast as I could down the hill.
I regretted it.
So many times, I had regretted dating her.
Because even though I loved how free-spirited she was, I’d wanted her all to myself.
This was the second time I’d pathetically turned my back and run away from her. And there wouldn’t be a third. I wasn’t there in the classroom with the open window anymore. And that meant she’d never be able to come back to me.