The next moment, a high-pitched noise came from Misuzu’s throat, and she screwed up her face. “I can’t believe you! That’s my line!” She pressed her face against my chest and sobbed like a child.
“You’re getting your makeup all over my shirt.”
“Shut up, idiot!”
I hesitantly stroked Misuzu’s back as she wailed and cried.
Seeing her sob like this right in front of me, I felt like she was crying in my place. And for some reason, it made me feel lighter. I let out a slow sigh.
“Even if you ultimately can’t reach someone…if you truly believe in what you’re saying, then your words aren’t wasted. Even if your wishes don’t come true, that doesn’t negate your earnest prayers.”
Asada’s words echoed in my heart.
“I can’t believe he was right,” I murmured under my breath, too quiet for Misuzu to hear.
You hear that? You were right.
It seemed there was a grain of truth in his simple, honest words.
It was kind of frustrating that it took being accosted by two younger boys to get my life straightened out. It annoyed me, but I was grateful to them.
“Misuzu.” I tapped on her back as she sniffled.
“Hm?”
“Give me back my bass case.”
“Huh? Oh, sure.” She sniffed loudly and then took the case off her shoulder and handed it to me.
I put my bass inside and snapped the case shut. It sounded just like it had when I’d decided to never open it again. And yet somehow, it also sounded completely different.
“Heh. Words, huh?” I muttered as I slung the case over my shoulder.
“You don’t need to return the sheet music. Let Andou keep it.”
“Huh?”
“Tell him I’ll play it with him again once he can manage it perfectly.”
“Really? You mean…you’ll play the bass again?” she asked, her eyes wide.
I smiled wryly and tilted my head. “Dunno. Haven’t decided yet.”
“Huh?”
“But it seems like I can’t even express myself without this thing,” I said, smiling awkwardly. “So I’ll start practicing again, a little at a time.”
Misuzu’s expression brightened, and she nodded. “Yeah! Yeah, let’s play together again someday!”
“I said I haven’t decided yet.”
“We have to!”
“You’re not listening, are you?” I chuckled, then waved. “Well, I’m heading home.”
“What?!”
“I’m tired. See ya.”
“Oh… Uh… Okay, I guess.” Misuzu blinked as I quickly headed off.
With each step, I felt the weight of my bass on my back. I’d completely forgotten that feeling. It seemed like the weight of all the words swirling in my chest that I’d finally gotten out were now attached to the bass.
“Dad…,” I murmured to myself.
Ever since I played with Andou up on stage, I couldn’t stop picturing my father’s face.
“…I’ll never forgive you,” I said. “Yeah. I’ll never forgive you.”
I thought about everything he’d dealt with, and how his music had come out of it.
Even if I now understood a part of what he’d felt, the sin of taking someone else’s life would never disappear.
I had no intention of forgiving my father for taking Etsuko away from me. I’d loved her so much, and she’d cared so much about him.
And yet…
I held back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.
✦ ✦ ✦
“…I want to hear your music again, Dad.”
✦ ✦ ✦
I couldn’t help it. His music had always been inside my heart. No matter how much I tried to bury it, I could still hear it.
That music was my life. An indelible, singular sound.
“So…” I roughly wiped away the tears at the corners of my eyes with my shirt sleeve. “I’ll play it, Dad.”
As soon as I murmured those words, the last emotion lodged in my chest came unstuck and disappeared.
He left his words and his sound to me, and no matter what happened, I would keep treasuring them.
I’d been denying it up until now, but I’d finally decided to gather up what he left behind, and carry it forward. I’d accept everything that had happened and weave it all together into who I was.
As the one left behind, that was the only thing I could do.