“…Yeah, I know,” I said.
She huffed a laugh, but I could tell from her gaze that she wasn’t amused. And yet, she hadn’t closed up, either. I could see something wavering in her eyes. It was like she wasn’t sure of herself—like she was looking for some kind of answer.
“Despite all that, you still want me to come and listen?” she asked, staring at me from only centimeters away.
I could see something deep in her eyes, behind the confusion and turmoil. I got the feeling it was the answer both Sousuke and Nagoshi herself were seeking.
“Yes,” I said clearly, nodding. “I still want you to come and listen.”
She stared at me for a few more seconds, then lowered her gaze and let out a slow breath through her nose. At last, she loosened her grip on my tie.
I took a slow breath, too, and straightened up.
“You guys are really cruel,” she said with a laugh.
I smiled. “It seems like that’s the only way…to get you to tell us how you feel.”
“That’s called coercion.”
“Coercion works both ways. Showing us your cuts, threatening not to let us use the garage. Coercion is the only way you communicate.”
“You’re pretty bold.”
“And you’re stubborn.”
“My feelings haven’t changed.”
“But Sousuke still believes in you,” I said, and she stopped responding and swallowed. “Even if you ultimately can’t reach someone…if you truly believe in what you’re saying, then your words aren’t wasted. Even if your wishes don’t come true, that doesn’t negate your earnest prayers.”
The wind blew gently around us, tousling our hair. The light of the setting sun flickered in Nagoshi’s mysterious eyes every time her bangs swayed, adding a subtle sparkle to them.
I’d racked my brain over what I could do for her, and I’d finally come to a realization: I only had one thing to offer her.
I didn’t have any relationship with her outside our conversations. She was never serious, and I could tell she didn’t put much energy into talking to me.
She’d opened up about her past only because I happened to wind up playing the drums in her garage, then stumbled onto the story of Stray Fish and connected her to Etsuko Sajima. That was all. I hadn’t done anything especially impressive or difficult.
I wasn’t familiar with her music like Sousuke was, and her experiences were so different from mine, I could only try to imagine her pain. But through my conversations with the two of them, I’d figured some things out.
I could see how deep and sincere Sousuke’s feelings were, for one. His emotions were so straightforward, all I’d had to do was hear him speak.
Nagoshi always kept her true feelings hidden, but now and then, I caught glimpses of them—moments where her expression softened and she swayed to the rhythm of my crappy drumming.
All I could do was respond to what I’d seen and what I’d heard.
Even if that didn’t change anything directly, even if I couldn’t save either of them, I had to keep listening and reaching out.
Even if we didn’t understand one another, the time we spent facing each other and talking wouldn’t just fade away.
Though it might be small, the simple act of communicating made a difference somewhere no one could see, changing things which seemed beyond our control. That’s what I wanted to believe, anyway.
“I hope Sousuke’s words and prayers reach you,” I said.
I’d been praying, too.
I prayed that Sousuke wouldn’t spend the rest of his life regretting this summer. And I prayed that his music would pierce through the uncertainty in Nagoshi’s heart and lay bare her true feelings.
“……Well, then!”
“Ow!”
Suddenly Nagoshi flicked my forehead, using a bit more force than I’d expected.
“If you’re that serious, I guess I’ll have a listen. It’s not like I have anything better to do.” Nagoshi strode over to the door, then turned to look back at me. “Speaking of, do you really have time to worry about someone like me? You’re gonna be on stage, you know. Don’t get nervous and screw up in the middle of your performance!” With that, she waved and left the roof.
Though Nagoshi had a careless way of speaking, she never lied. I was sure she’d come watch our performance.
“All right.” I patted both my cheeks and looked up at the sky.
I’d been inside all day and hadn’t paid much attention to the weather, but I could see it was a pleasant, bright day. I squinted against the rays of the setting sun and breathed in deeply.
“Let’s do this,” I muttered softly before leaving the roof.
Now all I had to do was give my all on the drums.
I knew that Sousuke’s desire to hear Nagoshi play the bass had been a big factor in his inviting us all to join the band. But I was sure a large part of him had also wanted to create new memories together.
I didn’t want those feelings to go to waste, so I made up my mind to drum my heart out. Now, it was time to do just that.