Suddenly, Bel had her arms around me. She smelled of butter and flour from the preserved loaf she’d bitten into. “Lillideas. But you may call me Lis.” Next thing I knew, the curry had disappeared from my hands, and Lis was once again seated at the table. Silently, she began to eat her lunch. “Hmph. Not terrible. It needs more spices. Do not forget next time.”
“Huh?” Did she just say Lillideas? As in the Lillideas of Ellusion’s Church of St. Lillideas? You’ve gotta be kidding me. “Don’t tell me you’re—”
“Quiet. I gave you a name. I will give you no more.”
“What’ll you have to drink?”
“Soybean tea.”
“Any garnish for the curry?”
“Pickled greens. I’ll accept root vegetables if necessary. These may also be spicy.”
“And for dessert?”
“The sweet white dessert this maiden had before.”
“Ice cream. You’ve got it.” I guess it’ll be okay to handle her through her stomach for now. Or won’t it? Dear Goddess, what am I to do? I feel like my brain’s gonna explode. SOS, O goddess of mine. Please help me.
“What are you doing all the way out here?” My prayers were answered. Lady Mythlanica, back in her feline form, hopped onto my shoulder. “Oh-hooo, what do we have here? I was wondering who the cat had dragged in, and look who it is,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. The weight perched on my shoulder increased from that of a cat to that of a woman. I tried to look at her but soon found myself in a headlock.
I’ve already seen you in that form, you know. No need to be so shy.
“Souya, have they given you their name?” she asked me.
“Um, yes. Apparently, her name is Lis, short for Lillideas.”
“Pfft! Out of all the names in existence, that’s the one you chose to adopt? Shameless home-wrecker.”
“How da— Y-you’re the l-last person! I’d want to hear that from! Filthy whore!”
Now, now, girls, no need to throw slut-shaming insults at each other.
“Do not delude yourself into thinking you can tempt my devotee away with that sorry plank you call a chest.”
“Urgh!”
As Lady Mythlanica leaned more of her body weight onto me, I felt a soft sensation press against my shoulder and back. My devotion had never been more sincere. I’ll worship you for the rest of my life.
“Y-you disgust me, foul Mythlanica! I’m leaving!” Lis got up in a huff—then, realizing she had left some curry on her plate, stooped down to quickly shove it all in her mouth. Cheeks bulging like a chipmunk’s, she stormed off.
As I watched her leave, I asked Lady Mythlanica, “So, um, is she really Lillideas from the Church of St. Lillideas?”
“Preposterous. It is a stolen name. Pay her no mind. She cannot do any harm yet. Make whatever use of her you will.”
“R-right.” I’m not exactly sure what to do with that information. But I’ve gotten my goddess’s seal of approval now. We’ll see what I can do with her, I guess.
“So who is she really?”
“That is a secret.” I’d only be asking for trouble if I stuck my nose in ladies’ private business. Best stay far away from the subject.
Upon returning to camp, I heard some commotion. Lady Mythlanica, in her feline form once more, went back into her tent.
“Souya!” Shuna caught sight of me and waved me over. Quickly, I returned to my seat.
“What? What’s up?”
“This girl says she’s a Champion of Light!” I’d never seen Shuna’s eyes twinkle so brightly. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Pretty sure I did.”
“No, you didn’t!” Looks like he’d been too engrossed in the curry to hear. I guess heroic champions were big among kids here, as well.
“Champion of Light? You mean for heims, right? What do I care? Means nothing to an elf,” Éa scoffed.
“Shuna, such Champions are nothing but trouble,” warned Lana. Both elven sisters’ voices were laced with icy hostility.
“The princesses speak the truth, Master Shuna. Champions of Light do nothing but gobble their money away until they are reduced to living in horse stables. In comparison, Master Souya keeps a proper abode, prepares wonderful meals, and takes great care of his party. He’s worlds more heroic.” Lazalisa, you’re supposed to defend her, you know.
“Gh, grrr!” The real Champion growled, her face contorted into a dark expression that a hero should never be caught wearing. Maybe she recognized she didn’t have a leg to stand on, though, because she just kept on plowing through her curry. Actually, make that my curry.
With everyone helping themselves to extra servings, we quickly finished the rest of the curry, then relaxed with a cup of tea.
“Haaah,” Freyja sighed. “What truly horrendous tea. I’ve never seen such paltry leaves.”
“On this point alone, we are in complete agreement, milady.”
Lana shot murderous glares at Freyja and Lazalisa as they criticized my tea. To be honest, I’d been dealing with a tea problem for a while and was looking around for ways to resolve it. Seeing the perfect opportunity, I figured I might as well ask if they had any ideas.
“You know, I do some consulting for a merchant group in town and have been searching for a connoisseur who could lend them a discerning eye. Would you two by any chance have some expertise in the area?”
“Absolutely!” Lazalisa practically threw herself over the table toward me. “I happen to be rather well versed in the varieties of tea from the Left, Central, and, in fact, all the Great Land. Would you possibly consider introducing me to your merchant contacts, Lord Souya? How much can you pay?!” She was all in. Made sense, though. There wasn’t any money in slaying a Dark Lord whose only crime was keeping to herself.
“Lazalisa, stop this nonsense. A Champion of Light cannot very well have her attendee bartering her services as a tea sommelier. I will not allow it.”
“Milady, I hereby resign, effective immediately. From now on, I shall become Lord Souya’s consort. It has been the furthest thing from a pleasure serving you. Farewell.”
“““What the—?!””” Lana, Éa, and Freyja all cried out in unison.
Thank goodness Lanceil isn’t here. There would have been a bloodbath.
“Lazalisa, I have all the consorts I need.”
“Yeah, you got that silver-haired foxy lady with the huge boobs, don’t ya?” Shuna chimed in, ever so casually stabbing me in the back.
“I guarantee your efforts will be rewarded handsomely. That is, however, only under the stipulation you will solely work for the one trade group I designate and no one else.”
A merchant group from the Central Continent had rounded up and stolen all the tea experts in the area. If I could ensure Lazalisa would work exclusively for us, I could afford to give her a rather warm welcome. Plus, she came with a Champion of Light and was an incredibly strong adventurer in her own right. She could defeat any hired mobsters the Central Continent’s merchants threw at her.
“Of course, that sounds reasonable to me,” Lazalisa readily agreed.
“Great, then the sooner you can get started, the better. We can go introduce you later today. I’ll also cover your room, board, clothing, and everything else for the time being. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”
“I’m simply beside myself.” Lazalisa looked as expressionless as ever, but I could tell she was happy. Freyja, on the other hand, clung to her maid’s sleeve, tears welling in her eyes. Feeling kind of sorry for the sad puppy, I threw her a bone.
“It’ll be great to market the tea as Handpicked by a Champion of Light, so, Lady Freyja, I’d love to have you on board, too.”
“Unfortunately, milady has made it very clear it would not do for her to expend her precious time judging a tea’s quality and its leaves,” the maid pointed out, clearly troubled. It was worth a shot to throw the idea out there, but Lazalisa was right; it didn’t fall under Freyja’s job description.
“I shall call it the Champion’s Tea,” the crusader declared. “But be forewarned, my seal of approval does not come cheaply!!” I’ll take that as an I’m in. Those benefits started to sound pretty good, didn’t they?
Suddenly, my new mage business partner took my hands in hers. Lana’s eyes staring at me terrified me to my core.
“Now that that’s settled, let’s return to this long overdue business of your reward. By my honorable name of Freyja Deus Gastolfo, I would like to once again extend my deepest gratitude for the assistance you and your party members have provided in this endeavor. Your pure, unadulterated hearts, which inspire you to vanquish all who seek to disturb our blessed peace, are more precious than any shining jewel. So long as light lives in hearts such as yours, this world shall persevere through all hardship and threat of destruction.”
Her earnest gratitude drove a knife through my chest.
“Furthermore, whosoever risks his life to protect a Champion of Light has proven himself a true Champion as well.” Hmm? “By the revered Gastolfo name of my ancestors, I hereby christen thee the newest Champion of Light unto the world.” Whaaa—? “O, Souya of the Otherworld, I bid thee accept this honor.”
“Wait just a second, I—” Her grip was too strong. I couldn’t break free. Freyja’s hands began to glow warmly. This could not be good. It was so sudden; I didn’t have time to react.
“I now bestow upon thee this hallowed mark officially dubbing thee the one thousand four hundred thirty-second Champion of Light. May you protect and conduct thyself in accordance with the accolade of this title and bring glory to it through thy words and deeds. Now, newborn guardian, go forth and prove thyself!”
A searing pain burned my left hand. Freyja released her grip, revealing a warped pattern with the letter V scrawled across my palm. “What the hell is this?!”
“The Mark of a Champion. Should the world ever fall into peril, or innocent civilians ever cry out in prayer for salvation, or the Dark Lord ever rear its ugly head once more, this brand shall surely lead you to your destiny.”
“Souya! That’s sooo badass!” Shuna’s eyes shone exponentially brighter.
Sorry, but I’m not interested. Seriously, I’m good! “I don’t want it! Take it off!”
“No can do. You cannot erase the mark. You shall remain a Champion of Light until your dying day.”
“You’re the devil!” What is this, a goddamn curse?!
“Even if you lose your left arm somehow, this symbol will reappear somewhere else on your body, so just give in and do your best. You cannot escape this fate. You have all the makings of a true Champion! I believe in you!”
This is a goddamn curse!!
And so my adventure, my beautifully planned-out adventure, went off the rails once again.