“We’ve finished over here. How is everything on your side?”
“Oooh, we can speak to each other through these? Cooool! Yep, yep, Gormlaith speaaaking! We’re all doing juuust peachy ☆,” came the Dark Lord’s singsong reply. If all you heard was her voice, you would think she was a truly adorable maiden. But I could easily imagine someone fainting on the spot if they met her in person. It might even be a bit traumatic.
“We managed to keep our secret safe and are having a celebratory feast now.”
“Out of curiosity……what’s on the menu?”
“Curry and fried pork cutlets. I’ll have Machina deliver some to you later.”
“There are still more varieties of curry?! How marvelous. How very deep your mysteries run, curry.”
“I just poured it over fried pork is all, but more on that later. Um, could I ask you something?”
“I’ll happily answer whatever I can.”
“Your Wicked Majesty, I heard you’ve been sealed away a few times in the past. Is that true?” If it were, then we risked someone noticing the breaks from precedent and seeing through our scheme.
“Ohhh, that. I only let them think they’d defeated me. Once I’d seen my adorable descendants were doing well, I simply played along.”
Uh, right. “Do you think the members of the Gastolfo line know about their blood relation with you?”
“They seemed to in the past, but I think the little ones these days have no idea. Only a few survived a war that threatened to end our line, so I imagine most of our family lore was lost then.”
“I see. In that case, I think we should be in the clear.” As long as I kept my mouth shut.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you, though, where in the world did you find that creature?”
“My wife cooked it.”
“What?”
“My wife, she cooked it.”
“Oh……I see.”
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Lana was the one who’d concocted that Thing into existence. Now that we’d disposed of it, her cooking prohibition had lifted, but I’d make sure her next attempts happened only under the strictest levels of supervision. Even so, I had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last homemade monster. Would we be able to beat the next one?
“Your Darkness, Freyja is by no means the last Champion we’ll see. I have no doubt a second and third will arrive at some point. When that happens—”
“Oh, I’m going to make myself scarce until everyone has forgotten I exist. Though discarded by all manfolk, our dungeon stretches wider and delves further into the ground than anyone could hope to cover in pursuit. Ancient wisdom even I have yet to uncover slumbers in its depths. Perhaps if I’m lucky enough, I may come upon an even better curry recipe one day.”
That counts as wisdom?
“In any event, Souya, you have done a noble deed. Thanks to you, peace still reigns over this meadow. Don’t worry about the cleft in the ground—I’ll dispatch some of my people out to fix it soon, maybe even tonight. I will also send a reward for your efforts over with Machina. Do accept it.”
“I will, thank you very much.”
“Despite everything, you run a great risk in continuing to associate with a Dark Lord, so it’s best if we go our separate ways. I, for one, will nevermore meet with you in person. Farewell, Souya.”
“Huh? ……Farewell, Your Wickedness.”
“Well then, oh yes. Please let Lazalisa know I said hello.”
“Of course.”
“Machina, how do I turn this contraption off?”
“The blue button!”
The call, along with my friendship with the Dark Lord, came to an end. She’d made an excellent point. My reputation was terrible enough as things stood. If word got out that I’d been rubbing elbows with a Dark Lord, I’d be exiled—no, executed. I wondered if the prudence that came with age or personal experience had made it easier for Gormlaith to look at these matters so objectively, but either way, I much preferred this over some weirdly sappy good-bye. Plus, it seemed like she would still hang out with Machina.
Hang on……… If the regicidal overlord knew Lazalisa enough to greet her, then they really did stir all this trouble just to take the credit afterward, didn’t they? Ugh, give me a break.
“Souya, with whom were you speaking?” Something silky brushed through my legs. Looking down, I saw a golden-eyed, fluffy gray cat.
“A new friend who I will never again see called Gormlaith. Do you know her?”
“Never heard the name. More importantly, Éa is bent on making the curry too spicy to consume. Stop her, will you?”
“Éa! Only season your own portion!” I shouted, then hurried out of the tent, managing to catch my little sister right before she dumped a whole load of cayenne pepper into the pot.
Soon after, we sat down to have lunch. Joining us today were Bel, Shuna, the lady Champion and her maid, and the elven sisters. Same as always, I left Lady Mythlanica’s serving for her in our tent. Lanceil had been summoned to the palace on account of all the commotion we’d caused earlier that morning. She was probably recounting our hard work (as we’d decided to call the disturbance) to the king right about now.
“Your actions today were truly admirable, Soy Sauce.” If you’re gonna mess up my name, do it properly. Don’t give me something so close to the real thing.
“It’s Lord Souya, milady,” Lazalisa corrected.
“Oh, I know. I was just about to say that.”
“If you say so.”
Already seated at the table, Freyja cleared her throat. Her personal maid sat to her side, her features as placid as always. I couldn’t get over how Lazalisa knew the Dark Lord personally but decided not to open that can of worms. Nothing good would come out of it. Neither of them had begun to eat yet, as their sense of etiquette required them to first exchange preliminary pleasantries with their host.
The curry of the day, by the way, was a dig at Shuna, the famed Swine Slayer and hater of all vegetables. Moderately spicy, the stew had steamed potatoes, boiled beans, and plenty of vegetables. Lastly, it was topped with fried pork cutlets. I’d parboiled the cutlets before deep-frying them, so they were deliciously crunchy on the outside and pillow-soft on the inside. In fact, this was probably the best meal I’d made since arriving in the Other Dimension.
“By my honored name of Freyja Deus Gastolfo, I would like to once again extend to you all……… Someone listen to me!”
“Listen up, everybody!” I tried to get their attention, but everyone else at the table was engrossed in their lunch.
“You know, munch, crunch, I thought you’d lost your mind for a hot second there, Yaya, to pair this crunchiness with stew, but, gulp, once the curry seeps into the breading, it takes on a whole different flavor, and that guilty pleasure you get from intentionally tainting the purity of the pork is just, munch, munch, munch!”
“How the hell does this curry make the beans and potatoes taste so good?! It’s crazy! What kinda magic spell did you put on it?!”
“Kindly refrain from speaking while you eat,” Lana scolded her sister and Shuna as they wolfed down their food.
“Milady, let us partake as well,” the reptilian maid suggested.
“Yes, but I mustn’t yet. I haven’t fulfilled my duty as Champion, so—”
Having evidently reached her breaking point, Lazalisa scooped up a spoonful of curry and took a bite. “Mmm! Why, this— While at first bitter, it’s followed by a complex hearty and sweet combination, no, an amalgamation of the juicy pork and vegetables…… If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to focus all my attention on this and so will leave my reflections there.” Huffing a bit at the hot stew, the maid began to eat in earnest.
“I—I simply cannot fathom what you see in such an uncouth, unappetizing dish.” Eyeing her spoon with disgust, Freyja tasted the curry. “And how could you think to ruin a perfectly good cutlet by drenching it in stew is beyond me.” Then she bit into the fried pork. “………” Without another word, the Champion put her head down and dug in.
Finally, I started on my own bowl. There’s no telling how long I’ll ramble, so I’ll spare you my review.
Looking very pleased, my sister said, “Yaya, I think I have another incredible idea. What if we mixed curry and ramen? Wouldn’t they go absolutely perfect together?”
“I knew you were smart, but you must really be a genius to think of that on your own.”
“Oh, go on.” She beamed, smug self-satisfaction emanating out of every pore of her skin.
“Souya.” It looked like Shuna had come up with something, too. “Picture it: curry and pizza. Great combination, right?”
“I’ll give that a not horrible.”
“No fair! You’re just nicer to her ’cause she’s your sister!”
Ah, crap. I almost forgot.
Getting up, I grabbed another bowl of pork-cutlet curry and carried it over to a small table I’d set up away from camp. Bel was waiting for me there in her chair.
“You’re late.”
I’d arranged a separate dining table for this ray of sunshine because I had some questions that needed answering. Still holding on to her lunch, I began my interrogation.
“Look, whoever you are inside Bel. I’d like you to tell me your name.”
“I refuse.”
“That so? Well, if you insist.” I placed an oblong object on the table and tossed a few supplement tablets next to it. “This here is your run-of-the-mill to-go adventurer meal. It’s a rock-hard loaf of bread and butter mixed with random preservatives. If you keep stonewalling me, this is all you’re gonna get from here on out. Don’t worry, those tablets will give you all the nutrients you need.”
“Nooo! Sou, that’s so crue— Silence, child.” For a split second, Bel had come back to us. “What of it?” asked the person possessing her, taking control again, Bel’s face completely unreadable. I fanned the scent of the curry in her direction. Once they caught whiff of it, that blank facade quickly twisted into one that screamed, You’re dead.
“Well, why don’t you try it and see?”
(The person inside) Bel unwrapped the premade lunch and took a bite of the yellow lump. “………Blegh, I can’t! Sou, this is too much!” the real Bel cried, reappearing for the second time. Though she only held on for a second, the tears that had welled in her eyes remained even after the person possessing her reclaimed control.
Just one more push, and I had them. “You have my precious friend in your hands. I want to trust you. Please just tell me who you are. It doesn’t even have to be your real name. I’ll take a nickname.”