My recitation left the goblin looking perplexed. He and the Dark Lord scuttled a few steps away, crouched down into a huddle, and started whispering. “Dude, the curse isn’t workin’ on him, is it?”
“Maybe its power wore off over time?”
“Nah, curses don’t just wear off.”
“Maybe it doesn’t work on Otherworlders?”
“Naaah.”
“Maybe his body has some unique resistance?”
“Yeah, I could see that.”
“I want to examine his insides.”
“Too bad.”
Shit, shit. They’re gonna turn me into Frankenstein. “Um, I think I might know why.”
“Ooh, what’s that?” the undead skeleton asked, whipping her skull around like a puppy that’d heard the word treat. C’mon, don’t turn around and say that in a cute voice. You’re killin’ me here.
“It might have something to do with my goddess.”
“Your goddess? I’ve never heard of a god or goddess blocking a curse.”
“Yes, but I consecrated my covenant with Lady Mythlanica.”
“Gaslark, have you heard of her?”
“Nope.”
“Your goddess bears the same name as the Fallen Land of Mythlanica? I know every deity on the Right Continent, and yet I do not recognize her. Perhaps her existence has simply been erased from my mind? A forgotten goddess, one who bound herself to the golden-eyed beast who slew the monster of tainted blood………,” the Dark Lord mused, hunched over exactly like The Thinker.
Though I felt guilty about interrupting her deep concentration, I needed her to clarify something that had caught my attention. “Excuse me, but what do you mean by ‘the golden-eyed beast’?”
“It is how we refer to the heroes who, though now extinct, vanquished the vampires from the Ice City of Neomia in the northern reaches of the Right Continent.”
Extinct? No, there’s at least one left—I know him personally.
“In the days of old, they were called the Final Warriors, the Endguard, the Followers of the Wicked Moon, and the Golden-Eyed Beasts. By ‘beast,’ I mean wolves, a four-legged predator found in the North. According to ancient tradition, wolves were said to devour the dead, luring them into to the afterworld, and represented death itself. I can’t say if that’s why, but their eyes are beautifully clear and pure gold like the magical metal that slays all beasts. Just like yours.”
Machina had told me that my eyes changed colors sometimes. Golden eyes, huh? Sounds kinda badass.
“You’re quite fascinating, you know.”
“Uhhh, thanks.” Not nearly as much as you, I can assure that.
The cloaked skeleton took my hands and held them in hers. Her bones were super cold. “Please do send word once you die. I’d love to conduct an autopsy on you.”
“O-of course.” Gonna be hard to talk if I’m dead.
“Well, I suppose you don’t need the key to unlock your gauntlet, do you? But I do want that recipe of yours. Hmm, what to do? Do I even have anything else a heim might like……?” she wondered aloud. “Could I interest you in an odorless, tasteless, deathly poison? Or a pot that emaciates people simply by placing it in the same room as them? Or perhaps a love potion?”
“No, thank you. Oh, but I would like to take this thing off every once in a while, so I’d be grateful for the key to the gauntlet. However, I came here to thank you for saving Machina the other day, so I’d be more than happy to just give you the recipe.”
“No! It’s not enough! I cannot agree to such an unfair trade and still call myself the Dark Lord!” The ruler of darkness turned out to be quite the stickler for propriety. Mind letting go while you think? My hands are freezing. I can’t even feel them anymore.
“Then how about this? We’re neighbors, after all, so would you mind playing with Machina every once in a while? She can get pretty lonely, her eccentricity tends to get her in trouble, and I’ve been worried about what kind of consequences there may be to the world while we are in the dungeon. I’ll have her bring the recipe over another time.”
I couldn’t have anyone slaying Machina while we were on an expedition. There was a five-gold-piece bounty out for whoever could defeat the golem that haunted the meadow outside Remlia. That golem, of course, was Machina. I’d already started the process for removing that quest from the boards, but bureaucracy always took time.
“Do you mean I should take Machina as a subject?”
“I was hoping for something a little more casual.” I foresaw nothing but disaster if we turned that AI bot into the Dark Lord’s lackey. She didn’t look like a bad skeleton (person), but she was a demonic overlord, after all. I wouldn’t be surprised if she promised Machina half the world for her help.
That reminds me, do they have paladins in this world, too? They usually come in pairs with Dark Lords.
“Casual? That sounds rather complicated.”
“Her Darkness has never had a real friend. The heims stole her technology, and some beastfolk tried to make a side dish out of her. The elves did her the dirtiest, though. One got her to blow through her life savings to fix up his forest and agreed to marry her, but then he just tossed her away like a used rag. At that point, she figured, What the hell? and tried her hand at regicide. She’s always gettin’ stones and shade thrown at her, and she’s basically a shut-in.”
“………” A fittingly dark life story for the lord of the damned. She finally released my hands. My fingers stayed frozen in place. “So you would like me to be her friend?”
“Um, yes, please.” Is this a good idea? It’ll be fine, right?
“A friend…from a foreign dimension. Hee-hee.” She giggled to herself happily. “Well, if I must. I swear on my name that I shall anoint Machina as my friend.”
“Thank you very much.”
And that’s the story of how I created a friendship between a modern-day AI bot and a Dark Lord from the Other Dimension. I just prayed this wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass.