“……I’m sorry, that was incredibly disrespectful of me.” Good, now I’m in way too much pain to laugh.
“Um, you’re bleeding.”
“Don’t worry. It’s just a scratch.” The sun was still high in the sky, but I was seeing stars.
“See? Told ya.” The goblin sighed.
“Someone else once guffawed at me like this before. Exactly what is so funny?” the skeletal sovereign demanded to know, arms crossed, twisting side to side, sulking. Stop, I’m begging you! Don’t add to the hilarity by acting like a pouting little princess!
I glanced at the goblin, hinting Tell her! Ah! He ignored me.
“In any case, you really must keep your recipes, your brainstorming process and its related notes, and any clues to your techniques a secret. You could pour your whole heart and soul into those creations, but there will always be sly thieves who’ll steal your work and parade it around as if it were their own. Do you understand me?”
She made a very good point, but the disconnect between her appearance and her voice threatened to permanently tear my face in two from smiling so much. I pinched my inner thigh with all the strength I had to suppress the laughter.
“All the same, Otherworlder, if you absolutely insist on presenting me with your recipe, I will accept it on one condition: Take this.” The Dark Lord fished a needle out of her cloak and handed it to me. Upon closer inspection, I could see detailed lettering carved into it.
“What is this?”
“The key to your gauntlet.”
“Wha—?” I looked down at the piece of armor on my left wrist. Though called Heuress’s Gauntlet, it was actually a present Heuress had given to his lover, Lümidia. After her death, the Heuress family passed the heirloom down through many generations. The metal glove contained a small amount of magic and was apparently impossible to re-create with current technology.
“The gauntlet you bear belongs to a suit of armor I made ages and ages ago. I’m surprised any of it has survived this long. Unless I’m mistaken, you can’t remove it, can you?”
“No, I can’t.” It wouldn’t come off. At this point, it felt like one with my body; I sometimes forgot I had it on. According to Machina’s analysis, it was made of a material with antibacterial properties, so there were no problems regarding hygiene. Over and over, I’d tried to remove it, but it seemed like my nerves had fused together with the metal, and every pull put me in excruciating pain. It didn’t impede my life in any other way, though, so I’d given up on trying to part with it.
“If memory serves……there should be a small keyhole on the inside toward the right.”
I looked and did indeed find a small hole. Then I inserted the needle into the slot.
“Huh?” Immediately, the gauntlet cracked open and fell to the ground. For the first time in a long while, I took a good look at my own arm. It hadn’t changed much at all.
“Now that’s much safer.”
“Safer?”
“Sadly, an elf of ages past corrupted its functions with a curse, one that enchants and subordinates people of other races. You should now be free of its hold and have full control of your mind once more.”
“Say what?” My head swam.
“Ah man, you got brainwashed by an elf? That sucks, dude.” The green imp came up to me and patted my shoulder in sympathy. If anything, I felt at greater risk of getting brainwashed standing with a Dark Lord on one side and a goblin on the other.
“Does that resonate with you at all?”
“Resonate?” I’d started wearing the gauntlet after getting into a fistfight with the moronic prince, who’d swiftly beat me to a pulp. Lana was the one who’d put it on me to help treat my injuries. After that, the spirit of the hero inside it took control of me and won the rematch, which saved Lana. Did this mean the spirit had tricked me into it?
“From the look on your face, I’ll take that as a yes.”
But it was of my own will to go after and fight for Lana, or so I’d thought. Though, of course, if it was the curse that had driven me to go rescue her, then I wouldn’t have known I’d been played.
“So you’re saying I only want Lana because this thing planted that lust for her in me?!” I blurted out, too confused to hold my thoughts in.
“Umm, who can say?”
“Does this mean it’s all the curse’s fault that I want to squeeze Lana’s bum and her thighs and her breasts like no other?!! Do I only sniff her hair while she’s sleeping because of some stupid hex?! Is that why I sneaked a few nips at her fingers or collarbone?!!!! Wait, that means the spell is why I’m into cute, big-bosomed ladies, right?!”
“No, those are all on you. Don’t try to shift the blame for every one of your personal proclivities on the curse.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I guess I’m just a horny pervert after all. I kinda had a feeling. Also, what the hell am I blabbing about to someone I just met today?!
“Hey, my man. Try putting it on one more time.” I did as my little green pal suggested. “Repeat after me: Elves are an arrogant, narcissistic, self-absorbed bunch who are the root of all evil and a pretentious race of assholes. Okay, your turn.”
Seriously? “E-elves are an arrogant, narcissistic, self-absorbed group of bad people. They’re pretentious, beautiful, and have great bodies,” I repeated, sugarcoating it a bit at the end to make myself feel better.