Pops had once told me over drinks about an ancient tradition of the Right Continent. Apparently, those who committed regicide would snap apart their victim’s crown, string together the broken hunks of gold along with the ears or finders of the fallen monarch, then wear it as a necklace. Assassinating a king held no glory; it heralded the collapse of a kingdom. Those who nonetheless murdered monarchs gained, in this world, the title of—
“Behold, the one true ruler reigning over we diminutive subjects, the Dark Lord of the Forbidden Land, Gormlaith Melphorjuna Gastolfo.”
—Yeah, what he said: Dark Lord. My heart raced. The beast within me began to stir.
“What the hell is that?” Éa asked, trembling. I couldn’t blame her. This opponent was on an entirely different level. An incomprehensible, icy black aura diametrically opposite any godly presence emanated from the figure. I’d felt this sensation once before when I’d first dropped into this world. Images of a colossal creature writhing in the darkness, of tentacles blooming open like petals came back to me. Why had these memories slipped my mind for so long? It was truly mysterious.
“Agaccion!” Answering my call, the enchanted blade leaped from the quiver.
“Agh!” The shout surprised the goblin, but I couldn’t worry about that now. Apologies could wait.
“Destroy that bow!” Agaccion slashed Éa’s weapon in half. The bowstring snapped, sending the nocked arrow straight into, of all places, Machina’s head.
“Eyaaaaaaaah!” the bot shrieked, but I ignored her.
“Y-Yaya, what are you—? Wait, what’s wrong with your eyes?”
Forcing Éa to her knees, I pushed her head down. “Please allow me to sincerely apologize for my younger sister’s brazen irreverence. A child she may be, but that cannot absolve her from the sin of turning her bow on your subject—nay, on a person. We shall accept any punishment you justly decree; however, I beseech you to allow me to accept it on her behalf. To begin, may I offer you one of my arms?” Calling Agaccion back to me, I stretched out my left arm.
The Dark Lord considered this silently for a long moment, then whispered into the goblin’s ear.
“Thus says my sovereign: ‘O beast of golden eyes, thy humble apology has tempered our rage. Keep thine heim arm; we have no wish to fill our halls with such trifles.’”
“My heart bleeds with respect for your magnanimous wisdom and generosity.” Had I been alone, I might’ve taken another course of action, but I couldn’t risk a violent confrontation with Éa there. I’d only put her in harm’s way. And I could never use my last resort around other people, much less those I’d sworn to protect.
And who the heck is the golden-eye beast? Me?
“Éa, you apologize, too.”
“Why?! All I did was worry about you! I didn’t even do anything!” Éa yelled back in anger, swatting my hand away. While blissfully ignorant, my elven sister sure had nerves of steel to act so audaciously before a regent of evil. She was treading dangerous waters and picking a fight with the worst possible opponent.
Every world is full of injustice, and sometimes, you just have to apologize even when you’re not to blame, my sweet little sister. Plus, they seem like reasonable people (I hope), so your best bet is to spit the words out. Not to mention, we’re ten out of ten entirely in the wrong here.
“Look, I’m asking nicely. Do it for me.”
“I don’t wanna!”
She left me no choice. Softly, ever so softly, I brought my hand down on Éa, the momentum driving the motion, but I slowly reduced the speed as I closed in so that by the time I finally slapped her, I might as well have been stroking her cheek. It was the most I could muster.
“Éa, you let your prejudices and incorrect assumptions sway you and threatened innocent people at arrow-point. These two recently came to Machina’s rescue. Do you really think that’s a fit way for an heir to the Heuress bloodline to behave?”
Stupefied, Éa crumpled her face up into a teary mess. “……B-but I…I di-didn’t…didn’t do…,” she stuttered, huge teardrops spilling down as she began to cry. “Yaya, you shtupid piiiiiiiiiig!” The dam broke loose. What the—? I didn’t see that coming. In the past, she’d always just get pissed and beat the shit out of me.
“Weeeaaaaaah!” she wailed. It was pretty hilarious, actually. No, what was I saying? I’d messed up big-time. The elf, whose appearance looked like a fully grown woman, bawled and sobbed like a child.
“Machina! Help me out!”
“Uhhh, ummm, uhhh!” she fretted.
Ugh, you useless piece of junk! And this is all your fault to begin with! You better remember this!!
“Weaaaaah! Muuuheaaaaah!” Unconcerned by the Dark Lord standing before her, my little sister howled on, her tantrum growing louder. It was clearly grating on Gaslark’s nerves.
“All right, all right, it’s all my fault, so stop crying already. Cheer up,” I pleaded. Rummaging through my pockets, I found a piece of emergency candy I carried for Lana. “Here, say aaah.”
“Mngh……” Once she popped the strawberry candy in her mouth, the elf grew quiet. I started to stroke her hair, and she clung to me like a koala. Despite the mortification I felt at doing this in public, I plopped her down on my lap and rubbed her back to soothe her. Yeah, you better believe I got a guilty pleasure out of role-playing as a father to grown-ass woman. Or more accurately, playing her big brother.
“Hey, Machina, Ms. Sixth-Generation AI Bot.”
“Yes, what can I do for you?”
“Could you not have sensed her coming? I left Yukikaze at camp because I had you with me, you know. ♪”
“I-I-I’m terribly sorry. My sensors haven’t been working so great recently.”
“Then tell me that. Report everything to me immediately.”
“Eeep! Mr. Souya, are you angry?”
“Ha-ha, no, of course not. But, why don’t you and I have a little alone time after we get back?”
“You’re totally angry! Nooo!”
“Weeeaaahhh!” Éa began to wail again.
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I cooed. “That was scary, I know. I’m sorry.” I continued to stroke her hair.
I shot Machina a look saying, You’re dead. An EEEEEK! popped up on her screen.
“More candy,” the disconsolate elf demanded.
“Sorry, Éa. Those’re for Lana.” Tears welled in her eyes.
“Lady Éa! Guess what? I’m about to make you something soooo much better! Just hold on like a good girl for a little while, okay?!”
“Really?”
“Really, really!”
“Hey, uh, can I cut in a sec?” the little gremlin asked apologetically. “My sovereign says: ‘Shall we postpone until the morrow?’”
“No, it’s all right! I’ll whip dinner up for my master’s little sister in a jiffy! Also, I’ll be putting my livelihood at risk if I don’t smooth this over!”
From a little distance away, Machina quickly pulled out a portable burner, laid out the cooking utensils, and got a cooking fire started. Strangely enough, the goblin and Demon Lord both stood close by, studying her work.