Happy to witness something so wonderful, I decided to remain rooted in place until the girls left.
Just then, I saw another large vehicle come charging straight at us. The furious sound of tires scraping the asphalt and the sight of the car plowing into the narrow alley made me tense all over as every fiber of my being screamed, Danger! The girls noticed the car and tried to sidestep it, still holding hands…and pulled each other in opposite directions. Naturally, they fell to the ground with a thud.
Hey, hey, hey… Stop, stop, stop! You can see us, can’t you?! Stop…!
Despite my desperate prayers, the car kept traveling well beyond the speed limit, the thought of braking long forgotten.
It was drawing close. Closer! Closer!!!
The driver looked to be messing with his smartphone, completely unaware of the gruesome situation about to unfold.
The girls screamed—and I was already running.
“Aaaaaaahhh!”
Frantically pumping my clumsy, sleep-deprived legs, I used all of my body weight to shove the girls out of the way as they finally scrambled to their feet. The car was mere inches away from me now.
“…Ah, I haven’t even been able to read this month’s Princess Yuri yet.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the girls, who were now out of harm’s way, holding hands again. The vehicle struck my torso, and I went sailing through the air.
“So the yuri pairing is safe, huh? Then I guess this is fine…”
I lost all sensation in my body, and my vision began to fade. Everything went dark—and then I immediately jerked to my senses.
“Whoa! What was that, a dream?! Sheesh, that scared me! For a second, I thought I actually di—”
I could hear the sound of a train traveling over rickety tracks.
Lights that were nearly out flickered on and off, and I saw men’s urinals lined up in a row.
Flash, flash, flash! My vision flickered back and forth on the border between light and dark.
There was a mirror in front of me.
With a reflection of my face.
The man in the mirror had golden hair, looked utterly frivolous, and displayed the oddly fine features that always irked me… It was the face I had sworn at too many times to count.
“Huh?”
I blinked a few times, then stroked my face.
“Isn’t that…Hiiro’s face…?”
A few hours later…
I, Itsuki Tachibana, realized that I had been reincarnated in the world of ESCO as Hiiro Sanjo, the ultimate pest of all yuri games.
No matter how many times I looked at myself in the mirror of the train station’s men’s room, no matter how much time passed, and no matter how I tried to rationalize, the ugly truth stared me in the face. I had become Hiiro.
I wandered the streets and slowly came to my senses.
I was able to regain my composure after admiring the previously mentioned yuri couple in a back alley, hamburger in hand.
There was no denying it.
I’d been reborn in the world of ESCO.
It was pretty easy to figure out, honestly. Because, you see, the male presence in this world seemed to be something of an afterthought.
The men walking down the street definitely existed, but they just seemed to blend into the background. They had no discernible features to speak of.
In the past, I had typecast the status of males in yuri games into four categories. Applying those four types to the situation, the men of this world displayed the characteristics of a composite of Types 3 and 4.
Type 1: Males don’t exist.
Type 2: Males don’t enter the picture because the games are set in places where men typically aren’t (like an all-girls school).
Type 3: Males do exist, but they’re treated as side characters, rank-and-file enemies, or they’re just part of the background assets.
Type 4: Males exist, but they’re obstacles or villains.
Because in this world, everyone—and I mean everyone—was a girl. They were all doing things like linking arms and making out in back alleys.
“Am I in heaven…?”
Apparently, I, a pious man, had been called to heaven, embraced by the arms of the yuri god.
As much as I wanted to indulge in the euphoric feeling that permeated all five of my senses, once I sorted out my current situation, I realized that I was actually in danger.
If I had been reborn in the yuri game world as a girl, I would probably be on my knees right now, offering a prayer of thanks.
But I was reincarnated as Hiiro Sanjo.
The absolute menace of ESCO was a character who existed only to get in the way of yuri romance… And he was also destined for a miserable end.
“Damn… This…is actually pretty bad…isn’t it…?”
I once again sought refuge in the men’s room train station and loosened my tie.
For some reason, I—Hiiro—was wearing a suit. I looked fine, perhaps due to his okay-at-best looks, but my pathetic expression was still contorted with frustration.
Only one ending awaited Hiiro in the ESCO world.
Death.
On one route, he falls to his death. On another, he drowns. And on another, he starves to death. On yet another route, he dies of shock, and on another, his sister murders him.
Hiiro’s death at the end of the game was programmed purely for player satisfaction. It’s schadenfreude from every angle, and Hiiro’s death is the icing on the cake of your playthrough. No matter how things go for the player, Hiiro always dies.
Most of Hiiro’s death patterns involve the main characters and the four heroines. If I am to survive as Hiiro, I’ll need to approach the main characters and the heroines in some way.
Maybe I should kill them first…
“Absolutely not! I’ll protect those yuri couples even at the cost of my life!”
What came to mind was an outrageous idea, and it simply wasn’t possible. If the yuri heroines are destroyed, then all Hiiros on the field will also be destroyed!
The order of priority went like this: yuri >>>>>me>>others.
I’d happily give my life to protect a yuri couple, but I didn’t want to die a dog’s death for a dumb reason, as was the case in many game scenarios.
I’ll have to think of another way to prevent that from happening.
Like by working hard enough to overcome any gruesome fate that awaits me. Perhaps Hiiro can escape certain death with enough of the right sort of training… However, there’s a good reason why he doesn’t do that.
I was lost in my thoughts, walking around in front of the train station, when the sound of a voice froze me.
“Hiiro.”
I turned around and saw a girl with long, jet-black hair standing there.
Her eyes were pitch-black and reminded me of the dark vacuum of outer space. The central pupil shined like a brilliant star with a luminosity that frightened anyone who stood before her.
Her dignified appearance and shapely physique stood out even among the beautiful women walking down the street. Everyone turned around to take another look at her, their cheeks rosy. The blue dress she wore was a gradation of light.
Rei Sanjo is one of the four heroines in ESCO, and she is Hiiro’s younger sister.
“I was worried when you suddenly disappeared,” she whispered without a hint of concern in her voice.
“With all due respect, Hiiro, please hurry. We have a limousine waiting. People will frown if you’re late to dinner. You do understand the importance of this dinner, don’t you?”
In the latter half of her route in the game, Rei ends up killing Hiiro.
Of course, it was because Hiiro asked for it after what he did, and I couldn’t complain because I was dancing with delight when it happened.
I wasn’t one to talk, but now that I was facing her as Hiiro, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of dread.
I could tell by her words and attitude…
She didn’t have an ounce of affection for me.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Then please get in the car. Tracking you down has taken up a lot of my time.”
Lifting her opera-gloved arm gracefully, she pulled out a pocket watch and glanced at it.
“……!”
That was when she frowned slightly.
I racked my brain.
Dinner, dinner… Was it a Sanjo family dinner?
I finally understood why I was in a suit.
Hiiro was the only son of the Duke of Sanjo.
ESCO was set in a parallel, modern-day Japan, a world where the nobility—the aristocrats—continued to thrive.
Dukes, marquesses, viscounts, and barons.
There were senior and junior nobility ranked according to the nobility ordinance, among which the Sanjo family was a prestigious family with the rank of duke. In other words, I was the heir of an aristocrat.
If things proceeded according to the game scenario, I would be spoiled rotten, taking advantage of my status and making no effort to do anything—only to eventually die… With that in mind, if I, the son of the Sanjo family, was late for dinner, people were sure to see me as a problem, considering I was already in a shaky position.
“Well, then don’t be late,” Rei said icily. She was about to leave when I stopped her.
“Oh, hey, wait just a minute.”
“…Why?”
“To be blunt, you look really pissed off.”
And did she ever.
“Huh? I do not.”
“Oh sorry. My brutal honesty kicked in… I guess I just said the quiet part out loud… Hey, wait a minute.”
I dashed to the convenience store and came back with a bandage.
“Here.”
“…What’s this for?”
“You hurt your hand, didn’t you? And you use knives and forks at dinner, right? I just figured you wouldn’t want the wound to ache while you ate.”
She stared me dead in the eye.
“What’s your angle?”
“Well, you see…,” I said with a brilliant smile. “Nothing gets by me when it comes to yuri girls.”
“…Huh?”
A crack appeared in her expressionless mask.
I hastily replied as I watched a look of disgust appear on her face.