I let out a breath of relief and—
“Brother dear!!”
“Huh?!”
Hearing the shout from the top of the cliff, I looked up.
“I knew you would come back. You always return to me when I long for it. I knew that you alone would never abandon me.”
Confirming that I was safe, Rei laughed and cried at the same time.
I fingered the mask that was stuck to my face and carefully checked that it hadn’t come off in the impact.
Astonished, Alsuhariya stood there staring at Rei.
“I-it can’t be… It wasn’t mentioned in my data…!!”
I put the rope I generated around the neck of the blasted data-crazed character.
“D-don’t tell me she recognized your voice? Or was it your actions? Whichever, it means my plan was flawed… O-oh, I get it…! My gray brain cells must have died and gone haywire after they were blended with the magic calculator of a fool. I—”
As the wind blew into my face, I kicked Alsuhariya, who was clinging to me.
The demon, secured in the tandem seat, hit the back of her head against the ground, bounced, and then her body was jostled around.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!! This wasn’t included in my data!!”
“Go faster. The lady hasn’t regained consciousness yet.”
“Aye-aye, sir!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! My data! What happened to its power?!”
Alsuhariya scraped the back of her head against the ground and screamed, raising a furious cloud of dust around her.
We rushed to the Japan branch of the demonic religion, cackling and enjoying the demon’s execution.
“I’ve thought this over on the assumption that it hasn’t been my fault,” Alsuhariya whispered atop the bright-red motorcycle she rode nimbly into town.
“Until now, I’ve made it my business to put males between yuri girls. Perhaps that’s why I instinctively tried to boost your popularity, since you’re a male—”
I kicked Alsuhariya off the bike. She screamed “Aaahh…” and went rolling down the road.
“Wallachia, I’m sorry, but please stop. I’m calling off our plan. I was a fool to believe in that idiot and go ahead with it.”
“Huh? Already?”
Shaking her loose, curly hair, Wallachia put her index finger to her lip.
“Wa has put so much effort into this date. Are you going to take responsibility for canceling, if that’s what you’re doing? This responsibility is so heavy that it makes Wa sick to my stomach.”
She called herself Wa and referred to me as Lead while acting outrageous, straddling a superbike in a checkered dress.
If she fell wearing a casual outfit like that, she would have to meet her boyfriend at the hospital.
“Okay, we’re done here. Bye. I’ll treat you to some ice cream nearby, so consider that my fee for riding with you.”
“Bleh. Wa doesn’t want something boring like ice cream! Wa would rather go to a ramen place and have ramen noodles with extra garlic, extra veggies, extra oil, extra hot!”
“That’s why I’m suggesting you get a physical checkup.”
Wallachia continued in a syrupy voice, “But ramen places are super fun! Their portions are a little small, but I love watching nerds eating with desperate looks on their faces. Wa loves messing up the orders at ramen places, crashing clubs at universities, and marriage scams where someone pretends to be someone else’s fated mate. Let’s go together sometime. A bowl of ramen tastes super after breaking up someone’s relationship.”
“How much tragedy and despair do you top your ramen with? Who’s in charge of it, Shakespeare?”
The motorcycle came to a stop, and the non-helmeted Wallachia got off and started taking selfies.
“Yay! I just took a shot of the two of us! I’m posting it online, saying you’re my boyfriend! Okay, there. Ha-ha! Wa’s followers are already starting to argue over whether Lead really is my guy! Ha-ha-ha, it’s so ugly!”
“You’re more of a devil than Sylphiel, and you do it so naturally, as easily as exhaling.”
“Huh? But Wa’s better at inhaling. Eating ramen sort of depends on inhaling the noodles, too. Wa isn’t good at exhaling!”
“A nauseating evil spirit shouldn’t even try to act humble.”
I got off the bike, and naturally, Wallachia held my arms in her own.
The scent of citrus eau de toilette tickled my nostrils.
She showed off how cute she was with her entire being, looking up at me sweetly and casually pushing her soft body close to mine.
“Wa is going to follow you, since Wa is your fan!”
“No nasty fans, thank you. Go and crash some mobster group for fun. I’m more into pure love (I accept harems if there’s love there), and I can’t tolerate yuri girls who play with love. We’ve already started traveling different paths, so beat it.”
“What? Wa hasn’t done anything. Everyone joins Wa’s visits to ramen shops, and then they suddenly collapse, and their groups are broken up. That’s all.”
“It isn’t their groups that are broken up; you hurt them inside.”
I sighed as Wallachia grinned, not about to move away from me.
Then Alsuhariya appeared as if my sigh had called her to me.
“Hurry up and get back on the motorbike, or you’ll mess up our plan.”
“Haven’t you realized it’s been messed up from the start?”
“Don’t worry, we have plan B.”
“Didn’t you learn in school that changes in plan are the source of slowdowns in brain activity?”
Alsuhariya stood in front of me, laughing mockingly.
“So we made a few mistakes with the minor details, and I admit I was a little arrogant. But plan B is completely different from what we planned before.”
“How’s it different?”
“I also have a plan C in case it doesn’t work—wait, I’m just kidding. I’m showing you the sense of humor unique to a wise individual. Now listen, and don’t start walking away.”
I was about to leave but turned around and faced Alsuhariya, who was clinging to my arm.
“I can already see the punch line. People are going to realize who I am again, and they’re going to like me more, right? Are we doing that two more times? Hiiro and company aren’t so naive to think there will be a second or third time. You should give up on being a demon.”
“There isn’t a single flaw in the next plan. Listen to the details, and you’ll be going yes, yes, yes, like a pendulum doll, and the resignation note you’re trying to force me to give you will go straight to the shredder.”
A suspicious glint appeared in Alsuhariya’s eyes as she whispered, “I’m having Wallachia play the Mysterious Black Yuri Mask next.”
Alsuhariya gave me the details, and we grinned.
“We win.”
We jumped on the motorbike and headed for the Japan branch of the demonic religion, operated by the Fair Lady faction.
The Fair Lady faction was based in one of the rental commercial buildings in the heart of Tokyo.
The faction’s followers who managed its operations were very capable, and the shadiness of the ghost company they used was completely cleaned up from its appearance.
Several of the companies in the building were English conversation schools and yoga outfits. The nonprofit corporation that existed to evade taxes was also part of the organization, and its scheme was cleverly set up so people wouldn’t trace it back to the faction.
Looking up at the twelfth floor where Tsukiori and her group were launching an attack, I put on my Mysterious White Yuri Mask V3 and got ready. Wallachia put on the Mysterious Black Yuri Mask and got into the same outfit that I was wearing.
We weren’t much different in size, so it should be hard to tell us apart at a glance.
“Oh no! I don’t want to wear such a dumb outfit! Among the other costumes Wa has worn, like the Mask of Shame to the Last Generation, the Robe of Shame for All Generations, and Forever an Embarrassed Lead, this has to be the worst!”
I heard Wallachia’s voice coming out through my throat.
“Why do I have to be talked about for generations to come as an embarrassing style?”
Then my voice came out of Wallachia’s mouth.
The trick was simple.
We attached throat microphones around our necks and spoke, outputting our voices through the loudspeakers by our throats (I got an advance from Snow, since I didn’t have the money to buy a microphone, and she slapped me with a ten-dollar bill).
“All right, that’s perfect, Hiiro. No one will know what we’re doing. They say humans get their first impression of someone from their face, then their voice. Since those masks are hiding your faces, they’re sure to judge you by your voice.”
“If that’s the case, Tsukiori will chase after the Mysterious Black Yuri Mask, since they’ll hear my voice, and then peel it off.”
“Expecting an emotional reunion. But what they’ll see will be Wallachia’s face, not yours.”
“Then Wallachia can deal with them in her usual sweetness. This is definitely a winning strategy! Brilliant, master, just brilliant!”
“Hey, Hiiro, what do you take me for?”
Alsuhariya smiled and brushed her bangs back.
“I am the Greater Demon, Alsuhariya…the destroyer of love.”
“Cooooooooooooooooool!”
As we indulged in the excitement, Wallachia played with her manicured nails.
“Will it really work?”
“No question about it.”
My Masamune Kuki had become pieces of seaweed in the sea (which Sylphiel was in the process of recovering), and there wasn’t a single trait the girls would have to identify me.
We had finally arrived with a winning formula.
“Wa is a fan of yours, Lead, so I’ll do my best, but… Okay, Lead. Put your arms around my tummy. Or my breasts if you want.”
“I’ll go for your shoulders.”
“Huh. Are you sure?”
Vroom. Vroom. Vroom! Wallachia grinned as she stepped on the accelerator and—
“I’m not going to pick you up anymore if you fall off.”
The view I was looking at disappeared instantly.
Vroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!
Proudly performing a wheelie, Wallachia shattered the automatic door made of glass and did a clean turn in front of the screaming receptionist.
Without slowing down, she plunged into the fire escape and slammed her magically enhanced front wheel into a door.
The thick door blew inward, and a rumbling alarm sounded.
Skillfully maneuvering the handlebars, Wallachia adjusted the accelerator pedal and raced up the fire escape. The superbike moved at a furious pace, and it ascended to the second and third floors without a hitch, scaring the guards out of the way.
“Whoa! Argh! Ngh! Oomph!!”
“Ha-ha-ha! Lead, you’re grabbing my breasts. What a naughty boy. I thought you were trying to act like a gentleman!”