“Sorry, guys, but compared to the president’s theory, mine is just ordinary reasoning… I’m not good at this theoretical stuff, and creativity ain’t my thing.”
This preface lowered the bar even further than the leader’s theory already had, and while I considered joking that it was only natural for a bad boy not to be good at stuff, I wanted to keep on enjoying the delicious tea he made for us, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
I’ll skip the death by poisoning, thank you very much.
No surprise that he wasn’t cut out for theorizing, and I could also see how someone in the culinary world, where following recipes is the basic key to success, wouldn’t be much for creativity. On the other hand, that made me genuinely curious to hear the solution he’d come up with to this art-world mystery.
“Yesterday someone proposed that maybe the artist had copied the classic masterpieces for practice, but that idea got shot down, right? Like, what a pointless exercise. Well, I agree─in fact, you’d pick up some weird habits practicing like that. It’s like trying to cook without any seasoning or something.”
More like cooking without the main ingredients.
This didn’t go for all thirty-three paintings, but since most of the originals were centered around human figures, they could generally be considered the primary element.
Wasn’t that like trying to cook a steak dinner without the steak? I mean, mashed potatoes and salad and whatever else are great, but you can’t call them a steak dinner.
“Right. So if they’re not copies, and they’re not exercises─what if they’re neither copies nor exercises?”
“?”
Huh?
Wasn’t that a tautology?
“In other words, something new?” Mr. Bare-Legs asked.
Since he was doing a headstand (headsit?) on the sofa, he automatically looked like he was just messing around, but apparently he was taking a surprisingly serious stance on the inside.
I’m not sure what things were like in the past, but this mystery-solving competition was the most detective-like thing we’d done since I joined the club.
Mr. Bare-Legs had lived a tumultuous life with only his own two legs to rely on, which may have given him maturity beyond his years, but he still hadn’t lost the childish heart that made him want to play games like these.
He was a devoted follower of the club’s rules.
Be a boy, be a detective.
To say nothing of the beauty of his legs, reputed to have shamed every girl at Yubiwa Academy into wearing black stockings.
But what did he mean by “something new”?
“Kind of like a parody or a cover of an old song, but not quite? What I mean is, they derive from the famous paintings they’re based on, but the finished product is something completely different.”
“So they’re meant as challenges to the originals?” I asked, implying that this stinking delinquent just stole the idea I discarded yesterday (reeling all the while at the dizzying awfulness of my own personality).
“No, nothing so critical or malicious…”
Not critical, not malicious, got it.
Then are we talking about…satire?
That’s the delinquent’s area of expertise, after all.
“Are you suggesting something along the lines of Gauguin painting his own Sunflowers under the influence of Van Gogh’s? An elaboration on a theme?” Sakiguchi asked.
Although the councilman wasn’t fully engaged, I guess he wasn’t entirely ignoring our conversation either─but the delinquent just looked confused.
“Van Gogh? Gauguin? Sunflowers? Who’re they?”
Not only did he not know who Van Gogh and Gauguin were, he apparently thought “Sunflowers” was a person’s name─actually, I was impressed that he managed to cobble together a theory at all with that level of background knowledge.
But while the delinquent unfortunately didn’t get Sakiguchi’s analogy, for me it was quite enlightening─yes, you definitely could call an elaboration like that “something new.”
The paintings might include a dash of critique or provocation─or satirical spirit, even─but at the very least, they weren’t meant as practical jokes.
“I see, I see. That’s quite an interesting idea, Michiru. Untrained as my mind is, I lack a detailed knowledge of the art world, but your theory does seem like something out of a mystery novel.”
Indeed.
After all, the whole detective genre can be traced back to a single story by Edgar Allan Poe.
“Hmm? Edgar Allan Poe? Who might that be?”
Sotoin sounded puzzled.
I guess the club member apple doesn’t fall far from the club president tree. But more importantly, the leader of the Pretty Boy Detective Club doesn’t know the origin of Edogawa Rampo’s pen name??
“Ah ha ha, well, speaking of Edogawa Rampo, imagine someone published a book called The Pretty Boy in the Attic. Just as a for-instance. That’d be nothing more than a heartfelt homage to an illustrious predecessor, not a joke taken too far. See?”
Mr. Bare-Legs was just summing up the point, but I’d have to disagree─that would definitely be a joke taken too far.
Anyhow, as promised, the delinquent’s reasoning wasn’t at all creative, and it probably wasn’t interesting enough to earn Sotoin’s praise. But rather than ordinary, I’d call it decently sensible─why was this guy a delinquent, anyway?
Needless to say, though, there was a flaw in his logic.
The same flaw as in Sotoin’s creative, interesting, beautiful, totally off-target theory─if these thirty-three paintings were parodies or “cover songs,” then it would be unnatural for the Mona Lisa, the ultimate masterpiece, not to be among them.
As unnatural as it would be for a list of the thirty-three best classic mystery stories to omit “The Murders in the Rue Morgue”─whether or not you like the story’s twist is up to you, but its historical significance goes far beyond any question of individual taste.
“The top thirty-three classic mysteries, you say? Personally, I don’t think you could leave out The Tragedy of Y.”
Well, that was kind of a random response from Sakiguchi─he really didn’t seem to have his head in the game.
What was he keeping to himself?
As long as it wasn’t a dilemma involving his first-grade fiancée, I wished he would hurry up and unburden himself to us…
“Okay, me next.”
But it was Mr. Bare-Legs who volunteered.
Hadn’t he noticed that Sakiguchi was acting weird? Or, knowing Mr. Bare-Legs, maybe he had noticed and was just enjoying the weirdness.
As it turned out, the guy whose personality was just as bad as mine (though in a different way) presented a very in-character theory.
“Since I’m the athletic type, as you can see, I wasn’t able to come up with an artistic interpretation like the president or Michiru. So I decided to just work with what I could see with my own two eyes. Like, if I were the artist, why would I have painted these pictures?”
Why?
In other words, what was the artist’s motivation?
According to the delinquent’s theory, the answer was originality and innovation.
“What you could see with your own two eyes, eh? Yes, I do believe that sort of observation could get us to the truth. Nothing is more important when solving a mystery,” Sotoin announced with a satisfied nod, although it was unclear whether this nod reflected any real understanding of what Mr. Bare-Legs had in mind.
So, just to clarify, I dutifully asked, “What do you mean, Ashikaga?” Though it felt strange to call him that, since I’m so used to calling him Mr. Bare-Legs in my head.
And, though it probably had nothing to do with my straightforward question, he nonetheless gave a straightforward answer:
“Specifically, I thought if I were the artist, why wouldn’t I just copy the paintings as is─like, if you had the skills, you’d want to make exact copies of those masterpieces, right? Without any unnecessary elaborations,” he finished, adding his own unnecessary dig at the end.
The delinquent clicked his tongue softly at this, but Mr. Bare-Legs had pointed out another hole in his logic.
After all, the artist’s innovation hadn’t exactly improved the paintings.
It was perfectly fine as an artistic experiment, but I’d hardly call the results successful.
Looking at the thirty-three paintings, you didn’t just think, “Hey, these are good.” You thought, “Hey, these would be better if the artist had stuck to the originals.”
Mr. Bare-Legs must have had the same thought, because he used that warped logic as the starting point to develop his argument.
“What on earth could make someone commit the grievous crime of removing the nudes from a bunch of nude paintings? I used that question as the starting point to develop my argument.”
…Okay, so it was even more warped than I’d imagined, but at least he was consistent─and that’s something, anyway.
And the conclusion was the same.
Just because I dress as a boy doesn’t mean I have a special interest in naked women, but I did find it mysterious that someone would take the bathers out of The Bathers.
Mr. Bare-Legs explained the mystery like this:
“I figure maybe the artist was bad at painting people.”
Well, that was blunt.
“Since people were a stumbling block, the artist just left them out of the paintings to make it easier. Seems to me that would explain all thirty-three of ’em.”
So instead of painting an inferior nude, the artist thought it would be better to just leave that part up to the imagination? Well, I couldn’t give Mr. Bare-Legs the vote of confidence he wanted, but as a layperson, I could totally understand the practical, completely unartistic sentiment behind not painting what you’re bad at painting.
And his theory did provide an explanation for why a painting based on the Mona Lisa wasn’t among the collection.
The artist was no good at copying Leonardo’s style, so he or she just didn’t paint that one. No, not “didn’t paint”─“couldn’t paint.”
Simple as that.
As for the inability to depict human beings, well, I believe that’s a standard criticism of mystery novels as well…
I couldn’t really imagine a more satisfying line of reasoning─but this one, too, had a hole. Or rather, a flaw.
And for a member of the Pretty Boy Detective Club, this flaw was fatal─his theory wasn’t beautiful.
The very fact that it made sense to an ordinary person like me was already a problem.
But I hardly needed to point that out; Mr. Bare-Legs seemed well aware that his theory wasn’t decisively convincing, because he promptly handed me the baton.
“Let’s hear your theory, Doji!”
Dear oh dear, my turn had come.
It was time to shine.
Sadly, neither the delinquent’s theory nor Mr. Bare-Legs’ overlapped with mine─so, reluctant as I was, it looked like I had no choice but to step up to the podium.
Though strictly speaking, the theory I was about to present wasn’t even mine…