“Umi, I’m your half sister, Shiho Chitaira,” Ms. Chitaira announced cheerily with two thumbs up. Mizuike’s blithe mom made as if to copy her, but sudden self-realization stopped her with her hand half raised, thumb sticking out as if she were about to have a thumb war with someone. Attempting not to look silly—although it was already too late, in my opinion—she actually started thumb wrestling my mom. The frantic evasive movements of Ms. Mizuike’s thumb, which looked like a thin, white stick, reminded me of feeding the pigeons for some reason. “Thank you for letting my Umi-Umi-Umi stay at your place!” Ms. Chitaira giggled and took an exaggerated bow. I wasn’t sure if she was thanking me or my mom or what, and it kind of grated on my nerves how she called Mizuike “her Umi.” I had no idea anymore what this woman was supposed to be to any of us. The bigger problem at the moment had to do with the other thing she mentioned—my place. After the meeting outside the station, it was somehow decided we’d all go to my apartment. Why couldn’t it have been somewhere else? Then again, Ms. Mizuike didn’t have a house of her own to invite people to, so my home was probably the only option left for her. We had too many people to cool everyone down with just one rotating fan, so for this special event, my mom turned on the air-conditioning. It was rattling at regular intervals, as if the mechanism was catching on something. I’d cleaned the filter recently, but to me, the air coming out of the AC stank of mold. I could feel the sound of the cicadas chirping outside against my neck. Ms. Chitaira had revealed herself, and I was faced with the reality of her sitting in a corner of my living room. The smell of her perfume filled up the cramped space, rising from her like the fragrance of a flower in full bloom. It was now a straight shot between my home and hell. “What a plot twist,” my mom commented. I couldn’t agree more. She was still thumb wrestling Ms. Mizuike, who had been quietly listening and staying uninvolved. “A beauty in a kimono, in this small room.” “I’m sorry. I’ll leave as soon as we’re finished talking.” We’d never had as many as five people at once in our living room, and it did feel really cramped. You couldn’t help being very aware of other people’s elbows. Next to me was Mizuike, who’d walked back from the station dragging her feet. I imagined if I shook her by the shoulder, she’d make a rattling sound like she was empty inside. The revelation that she had an older sister was a bolt from the blue for her, and given the complexities of the circumstances, I didn’t blame her for not being able to process it all right away. “How long have you known?” Mizuike asked, her gaze and voice drifting upward as if they were climbing the lamp string. “How long? Hmm… Since I met you.” Ms. Chitaira finally put her thumbs down. Her reply was as relaxed as ever, her smile as cool as an unseasonal frosting of snow. Her foreign eyes seemed to see through everything. They were the same color as Mizuike’s. That was why I’d had this strange feeling that I’d met her before. “I chatted you up outside the station by chance, but one look at your face was enough to tell me who you were. A girl I hadn’t met before with those eyes? I could think of only one person. I thought about what I should do, and the obvious conclusion was that I should treat my little sister with love, you know?” She looked at me as if she wanted me to agree. I averted her gaze without a word. A sister. The word came out of Ms. Chitaira’s mouth so easily, as if it didn’t signify a very important connection. I became anxious. What if I suddenly found out I had a sister, too? What if a relative I didn’t know about turned up out of the blue? I glanced over at my mom. She was still thumb wrestling with Ms. Mizuike. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Um, because you never asked?” Judging from the look on her face, Ms. Chitaira had kept her knowledge secret purely for fun. Was Mizuike in anguish because she’d unknowingly fallen in love with her sister, or because she’d discovered she was related to someone from a completely different world? Or maybe she wasn’t in anguish at all? Her jaw was slack, elongating her face in an expression that was free of emotion. Her naturally fair skin had taken on an even paler hue as if she were fading away, a sketch losing its outline. This was the younger sister of that awful woman. Thanks to the new connections between them, the dots painted a picture that finally made sense to me—I had been at the mercy of these two sisters. The thought brought me some relief. I wasn’t swaying between two completely different people; I had a well-defined type… Ugh, what was I saying? A blameless little sister and a rotten big sister. I had sensed that the latter had a twisted personality, a combination of destructive and kind tendencies, but I’d never guessed she would subject her own little sister to it as well. Was she giving Mizuike money out of sisterly love, to support her financially? It blew my mind to imagine that might’ve been what their arrangement was about… Seriously, you’d have to be nuts to think that way. “Well, I’ve run out of things to talk about…” Ms. Chitaira pinched her fingers like crab pincers, gazing around the room looking somewhat lost. But why? Of all of us, she had the fewest reasons to feel lost. And she was saying she had nothing else to talk about? After dropping that bombshell on us? No, she definitely had more explaining to do, about…what, exactly? There was something left unsaid, no? No…? Wait a second, was that really it…? She’d revealed she was Mizuike’s sister and told us about her past, but there still was an elephant in the room. Ms. Chitaira had talked about the past and the present, but not about the future. What was she planning on doing now? It was a pretty damn important thing to know, but she hadn’t said a word about it. If they’re sisters, does that mean…they’ll move in together? Here? No, no way. Will they go and live together in the Chitairas’ residence, then? Or maybe Ms. Chitaira will leave without Mizuike and go back where she came from as if nothing has changed…? “I want to talk to you alone…,” said Mizuike, clinging desperately to her…her sister. “Sure.” Ms. Chitaira stood up with Mizuike still clinging to her arm, shot me one glance, and walked out of my apartment with her sister. Her eyes were brimming with the same amused delight and affection she had shown me when we had been meeting alone. The lingering floral scent turned the pages of my memories starring Ms. Chitaira, as if they were a photo album. Jealousy, regret, and passion rose like flames in my heart. Now that only three people were left in the room, it was as though the pressure had dropped; the tension collapsed, and I had more space to be in again. But I couldn’t relax—as the cool air-conditioned air found its way toward me, so did a sense of helplessness. “If she’s Umi’s sister, what does that make her to you, Izumi?” “A friend? We used to play together all the time.” “I don’t think you can write it off as that…” While the moms talked in the background, my consciousness was like a balloon let loose. I tried to catch its trailing string. What was going on this summer? Hell was washing toward me like a wave, lapping at my legs all the way to my knees. The change from my uneventful life was so stark, I couldn’t lift my head or even close my eyes. I had no idea what might happen next. What I had established that day was that the Chitaira woman was the sort of pervert to have her way with a girl despite knowing they were sisters. And I and that woman had been… “…” I was lost, not knowing where to look as the thoughts flitted through my mind. I was a lost child whose mother wouldn’t hold her hand because she was already holding another woman’s. I couldn’t look around, because that would attract hostility. I thought the only way to survive was to keep my head down and stare at the ground. But the world was full of things to see, and I couldn’t fake it that I was blind to them all. Then I met someone who would take my hand and lead me wherever I wanted. I didn’t care if fate had brought us together or if she’d picked me out on purpose. She was the one who’d made me look up at the world, and she was next to me. I was always edgy around her, but since she’d told me who she was, I felt even more nervous. “What should I call you?” I was crouching with my back to the wall of the apartment building while…this person…stood with her arms folded, squinting up at the sky. I followed her eyes and saw birds in the distance, their wings looking sharp, as if they were going to slice through the clouds. “Call me Chiki, Shiho, or Sis. Whatever you like.” Her expression was as clear as a cloudless sky reaching from horizon to horizon. Her lips were softly stretched in an affectionate smile, her cheeks having some childlike charm in them—she looked the same as always. What would have to happen to make her change? Chiki… Shiho… Or… My mouth hung open so long, the tip of my tongue dried up. The summer heat was bearing down on me, and my skin was starting to feel too hot. That was how long it took for me to get a word out. “Sis…” “Yes, Umi?” I walked my fingers across the floor toward the wall. “Sis…?” “That’s me.” “Sis…” “I’m right here.” She stooped down to get closer to me. My sister was smiling at me warmly. My sister…? Every time I said the word, a strange feeling came over me. Doubts came over me, too. Inside my chest, emotions were spinning like a whirlpool. I felt as though I were watching a red fruit burst open in front of my eyes, with something about to jump out from the inside. I was sweating, but not from the heat. “Sister…” “Mm-hmm.” My heart was being peeled and its core exposed; I felt helplessly vulnerable while all around me was warmth. The contradiction between the warmth and the anxiety hiding in it made me so uncomfortable, my hair stood on end. I looked up and met my sister’s accepting smile. “What does it mean, that you’re my sister?” My inane question was quickly followed by an answer. “It means exactly what you’re feeling right now.” I looked at her. What I was feeling toward her right now was the kind of unease you feel when you have a wobbly tooth. “But I was your…” When I thought about what she and I had done together, my head hurt as if there were an open wound in it and someone was prodding it. “You and I…” I felt pain rushing through the flesh just below my eyes. Shiho must have guessed what I was thinking about, because she laughed out loud. Her laugh was as cheerful as always. “Everything’s possible.” The way she said it was salt in my wounds. “Why are you laughing…?” “Because I was remembering our happy times together.” “Happy times? It doesn’t…bother you?” “Why should anyone be bothered by sisters loving each other?” She peered at me as if pressing me for an answer. She clearly didn’t feel bad about it. Right, that was the kind of person she was. I had ignored all the red flags and approached her of my own will, but I kept forgetting that. Shiho could be so nice, but she also had no common sense. “I…don’t know. But you did…those things to me…knowing we were sisters?” “Yes. You’re my sister, and you’re cute, and you’re a high school girl.” Shiho listed my qualities, counting on her fingers. Maybe I was just being insecure, but it was the last one I suspected mattered to her the most… Right. She’d told me, her sister, that she was only attracted to high school girls. And I wasn’t going to be a high schooler forever. If I hadn’t been wearing my school uniform the day we’d met, maybe Shiho would’ve walked past without even noticing me. “You should’ve told me…” “Would you have believed a stranger suddenly claiming to be your sister?” “…Probably not.” I had never considered the possibility of having siblings. My mother was the only family I knew about. I’d never even really thought about my father. Shiho seemed to think for a few moments. “You get both meat and milk from cows in a cheeseburger, right?” she asked. “Huh? A what…?” A big question mark appeared in my head. Her question was confusing, and I didn’t even know what a cheeseburger was. I kept thinking about the word, turning it over and over in my mind, splitting it into two. Cheese and burger. A hamburger with cheese? I’d heard of hamburgers, but I’d never eaten or seen one up close, so I only had a vague idea what they were. But why was Shiho talking about cheeseburgers all of a sudden? “Milk comes from cows, which is why it goes so well with beef.” “Ah…” “Like us. A common source means we’re highly compatible! In many ways.” The corners of her eyes creased as she laughed. I understood what she meant by “many ways,” and I immediately wanted to pull my hair over my face to hide behind it. I didn’t want to talk about this outside during the day, especially not when I was already boiling inside from the heat. It used to unnerve me when Shiho was a total mystery to me, but now I caught myself thinking she should be doing more to keep certain details of her life secret. Despite that, there was still something bugging me, and I couldn’t let it go. Like my sister, I had that unreasonable streak. “…Before you become a sister to me, I want to ask Chiki a question.” I might never use that name for her again. “How philosophical. Shoot.” “Did you…did you cheat on me with Hoshi? I won’t be angry. Please, just answer.” “Hmm.” She turned toward me. “And what is your definition of cheating?” “…Doing sexy things together.” Shiho burst into laughter. “Hearing you talk about sexy things is so titillating, Umi.” How could she keep that smile up when she was trying to dodge my question? “I don’t want to do this kind of banter now.” “Oh, but that’s exactly why I want to tease you. You used to think I was a terrible pervert. I have to live up to your expectations.” “Answer my question.” I caught her by the elbow. She pursed her lips into a very sad face, closed her eyes, and dropped her shoulders. She was taking her time. Talking to her was always like this. She always derailed the conversation to something sex-related. Maybe that was all my sister ever thought about. …My sister?! Whenever I thought about the fact that she was my sister, my heart nearly stopped. My sister. What did it mean for her to be my sister? “So you wanted to know about cheating?” she asked as if it was the most tedious topic ever. I gave her a slight nod. She smiled like usual. “I did…not cheat.” Why the pause? “You swear?” “You don’t trust me at all, do you, Umi? Why did you even ask if you don’t believe the answer?” She laughed, but she was rebuking me, and her tone reminded me of the near breakup a few days ago. I felt intense, painful pressure, crushing every part of me down to my eyes.
Chapter 25
14 min read