Chapter 6:
A Slight Seam
SO, THIS IS HOW my father felt about all of this, huh?
Heh.
Back then, I was convinced my father was the ultimate authority—always on guard, always right. But there’s no way that was true. Parents always think about what they can do for their kids, but at the end of the day, they’re just people. They’re not perfect. They make mistakes, and there are times when even they don’t know why they chose something. We’re all the same in that respect.
A lot of time has passed since he died, but thinking about that makes him feel all too relatable. Like I’m more connected to him. He really struggled with this whole thing. I thought I’d talked to him about all of this, but I guess this means I was still looking at him through rose-tinted glasses.
He always seemed so far away. Part of that was because he was rarely home, but the other part was how everyone respected him so much. Our moms did, but so did the adults I was close to. For example, Sir Orsted, the head teacher and principal at school…hell, even the North God Kalman III—that thunder dumbass—who at the time was so far beyond my reach. I’d never seen that overconfident numbskull insult my father even once. In any case, all the amazing people I knew respected my father.
But as far as I can tell, he wasn’t much of a father, you might say?
Well, you’re not wrong. Looking back on it, I agree. He wasn’t strict enough. When I messed up, he never reprimanded me. He’d just smile and tell me to be more careful next time.
For example, one day I was playing in his study and dropped one of his figures and broke it. It was a figure he had received as a gift from his best friend, the president of the Zanoba Company. A really precious gift, you see. I knew he was going to be mad at me. White Mama definitely was. Red Mama spanked me. Blue Mama scolded me coldly. I prepared myself to receive his anger when I apologized to him—but he didn’t yell at me at all.
“I’m proud of you for apologizing. Be more careful next time,” he said as he patted me on the head.
Anticlimactic, right?
Lucie used to say that he didn’t expect anything of us because we lacked talent. Back then, I thought she was on to something. Really, I was just intimidated by him. Lucie worked hard to be recognized by our father, but I couldn’t do that.
I remember a time my father and I were taking a bath together. Even someone like him relaxed in the bath. He rested his head on the tub and spread his body out.
“Whew, feels amazing,” he sighed.
He often relaxed at home, but in my eyes, he always seemed to be his usual daunting self. Maybe that was why I stared at him when we were in the bath together. He must’ve noticed me, because he awkwardly sat up, met my eyes as I soaked in the corner of the tub, and spoke to me.
“Ahem. Arus, can you already wash your own hair?”
“Yes. I can wash myself just fine, as you can see.” I naturally shifted into a polite tone when speaking to my father.
“Oh, right. You’re already over ten years old. Time sure does fly,” he said with a gentle smile.
“I’m currently an Intermediate-level swordsman, but I’ll be able to go up to Advanced level soon. I’m still a Beginner-level magician, but I can do silent casting now.”
“I see, I see. Your studies and training are important, but try not to work yourself too hard. If you hurt your mind and body, all of it will be for nothing.”
When I heard him say that, I realized something: Lucie was right. Our father had no expectations of us. After all, at my age, he’d already been a Water Saint-tier Magician and an Intermediate-tier swordsman. We were well behind him at this point in our lives. He really didn’t expect anything of us. Realizing that made me pretty sad.
“Wow, though… You’re already ten, huh?” my father said.
“Um, is that a big deal?” I asked.
“Nah. It’s just, well, when I recently went to the Asura Kingdom, Queen Ariel said she wanted you and her daughter to get engaged.”
“Engaged?”
“Yeah. The nobility over there start talking marriage once you turn ten.” My father nodded repeatedly like he was convinced of something. “I’m sure you’re gonna get lots of offers like that going forward.”
“Really?”
“You’ve got an attractive face, just like Eris. I’m sure you’ll be super popular.”
I don’t want that, I thought.
“Ah, but Arus, just to be clear. Being popular doesn’t mean you get to treat girls like objects. If you make a girl cry, your old man’s gonna be angry.”
“Okay,” I said after a pause. I couldn’t even picture what he looked like angry.
That conversation served to make me aware of something: It wouldn’t be long before I had a relationship like that. When I thought about who I’d want it to be with, it was Aisha’s face that appeared. Those feelings were why I confessed my love to her.
I didn’t get it at the time. Having been protected by her throughout my entire life, I didn’t have a clue how. Red Mama said I should protect who was dear to me, but what did protecting Aisha look like?
But I digress. We were talking about what I did once I left home.
After running away, we used a number of teleportation circles to enter the Holy Country of Millis. We then traveled by carriage for a few days, eventually arriving at a village along a river. Our final destination was a small home on its outskirts. It was one of the safehouses that Aisha had prepared in various countries.
It was a beautiful place, let me tell you. The river sparkled, there was greenery everywhere, and it was nice and quiet. Once Aisha cleaned the place up, it was good as new. It was a little out of the way, but we had a field that was perfectly usable even if it was a bit of a mess, and I could go hunting in the nearby forest. If we went to the village, we could trade for goods. Aisha was very charismatic, so she’d get along with the villagers in no time at all. This home was more than good enough for the two of us.
I can still recall how I sobered up when I thought about how we’d be living there together. I was going to do my best to support Aisha. I was going to protect her. Obviously, whenever we encountered monsters and bandits on the road there, I stepped forward and fought. I didn’t grow weak at the knees from fear like I had when I was younger.
The sword techniques I’d had drilled into me from birth worked on monsters and bandits, and the sense that I could actually protect Aisha only grew stronger. Fortunately for us, no pursuers ever came.
Going back through this book, it really dawned on me just how much Blue Mama did behind the scenes to cover for us. If Lord Perugius or Sir Orsted had actually cooperated, we would’ve been found immediately. To be honest, I was surprised that Sir Orsted sided with us and not my father. He was always a softy when it came to my father. Maybe that’s not the right word. It was more that they were close.
I remember being terrified for that first month: Father’s going to find us. He’s going to be furious and take us home.
By the time a month passed, that fear faded away.
I was just so happy. My life with my beloved Aisha had begun. At the start, we were repairing the house, cleaning, and buying the furnishings we needed, and we had all the hope in the world for our futures.
After we’d gotten our day-to-day necessities in order, we had breakfast together every morning, and I did the work Aisha found for me in the afternoon. I was still small, but I was decent with a sword and magic, so there was plenty I could do—though I imagine a lot of that was thanks to Aisha picking out good jobs.
I continued to polish my swordplay and magic while working. I took the time between jobs to exercise, swing my sword, and practice silent casting. That was something I’d always struggled with. The back-and-forth between training and real combat was perfect for building up experience. Then, come nightfall, we made love.
What, you want the details? Hell no, that’s way too embarrassing! Why would you ever want to hear what this old man got up to in his youth? C’mon, even you two have topics you can’t or don’t want to talk about, right?
Looking back on it, that was certainly a truly peaceful honeymoon period. It’s just, well, you know…somewhere deep down I kept asking myself, Is this really okay?
What I didn’t notice was that Aisha felt the same way. She was always good at hiding that sort of thing. And I was a fool back then, so I didn’t see it.
I probably sound like I’m making up excuses, right? Deep down, I still felt like Aisha would take care of things. I depended on her. That was why I didn’t see that she was wearing down.
You think it’s funny how dense I was?
I have no intention of defending myself, but I doubt either of you would notice something was up with one another if you didn’t say anything. At most, you’d wonder if the other person was in a bad mood. Maybe you’d think you’d done something to upset the other, but that’s it.
It’s obvious now I should’ve noticed something was off. Despite the genius that Aisha was, she was somewhere unfamiliar: stuck between her ideals and reality, her feelings and her own logic. Things hadn’t gone the way she’d planned. She became more and more depressed as she failed to adjust to our new situation. She felt trapped.
As intelligent and guarded as Aisha was, she wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t immune to failure. It didn’t happen particularly often, and compared to other people, her failures were few and far between. She was so smart that she’d avoided failure often throughout her life, but it did happen.
Aisha just couldn’t cope with this one.
Maybe, just maybe, if I’d been smarter, or older…
When that family meeting came to a close and Aisha proposed running away together, I could have stopped her. I could have said something like: Aisha, I promise I’ll protect you going forward, so let’s go talk to Dad together. I’ll speak up this time. If that doesn’t work, wait until I grow up and I’ll come for you. I promise. There’s no need for us to leave home.
Maybe that would have saved her from becoming cornered like she was.
Hindsight is twenty-twenty.