Chapter 33

1 Fortunately, Rex and the others were okay despite having been attacked by Host. Yunyun and I dropped them off at the Eris church and headed for the Adventurers Guild. Now, then. “Megumin, listen, okay? Demons, you know, they’re very smart and very sneaky—they’re the last ones you should trust. You’ve heard the story, right? The one about the demon who claims he’ll grant you three wishes in exchange for your soul! Do you know how many wizards have taken him up on it—just to find out they don’t get any wishes at all, and he just takes their soul?!” My mind, though, was made up. “I’m telling you, making deals with demons doesn’t get you anywhere. You can give him Chomusuke, but I’m sure he’ll just do whatever he wants…!” Specifically, made up about what to do… “I guess you might like a demon, eh, Megumin? He’d growl, ‘I’ll give you the powers of darkness…’ and you’d swallow it hook, line, and sinker!” …to this jabbering, endlessly lecturing, yet completely naive girl! I turned abruptly to Yunyun. “You are one to talk, considering how you’ll go running off after anyone who says anything even remotely nice about you! You might recall that I was the preeminent student in Crimson Magic Village! I don’t need the loneliest girl in the Clan’s history to remind me about old stories!” “Th-the loneliest girl…!!” I managed to peel Yunyun off me before she could strangle me and held out my hand in a conciliatory gesture. “Now, just wait a moment—I think there’s been a big misunderstanding! All right, so maybe ‘the loneliest girl in the Clan’s history’ was going a bit too far. I’m aware you’ve made all sorts of friends since we got to Axel, like that weird old guy and the dude who spends all day trying to pick up younger girls. Allow me to promote you to ‘most gullible girl in the Clan’s history.’” “…I think ‘lonely’ was better…” Remembering her own situation, Yunyun put her hands to her face and sniffled audibly. “Look, let’s talk,” I said. “And perhaps in due course, we will be able to do something about the friends you make. I’m afraid if I leave you to your own devices, you really will fall in with the wrong crowd at this rate.” I ushered Yunyun, who was still sniffling, toward the door of the Guild. “…And so Rex and his party were also handily defeated by the demon…” “““What’re we gonna dooooo?!””” The collective staff of the Guild sent up a wail at our report; I simply dragged Yunyun over to a corner table. We proceeded to hold a strategy meeting. “As you can see, we can no longer turn to the Guild for help. First, let’s take stock of the situation.” “The situation… Well, the two most powerful groups in town both got sent packing, and we can’t find this Arch-priest who’ll supposedly solve our problem. A Dullahan general of the Demon King is on the move, and other towns are too busy with him to send us help. And that demon…Host… Was that what he said his name was? Come to think of it, he never set a time limit on our negotiations. I can’t imagine he’ll wait forever to get that cat.” Yunyun was looking very dispirited. With no hope of reinforcements from other towns, we could hardly expect things to get any better. And she was right; no one had ever located that Arch-priest. Meaning… “Meaning our only hope really is to give Chomusuke to that monster… But that’s the one thing I refuse to do! I’ve grown pretty fond of her myself; I’m not just going to give her up!” She angrily grabbed Chomusuke off the table where she was resting, prompting a puzzled look from me. “…I really do think you have been laboring under some kind of misunderstanding. I haven’t said a thing about negotiating with him,” I told her. “What?! B-but on our way home, you looked so deep in thought… Wait, don’t tell me…” “Would I, of all people, be intimidated into negotiating with anyone? A member of the Crimson Magic Clan never backs down from a fight. I’ve decided. I’ve decided…that I’m going to defeat that demon!” “That guy with the enchanted sword couldn’t do it! Rex and his whole party couldn’t do it! And when we first saw that demon, you were terrified! I know you aren’t a complete idiot, Megumin, so you must understand that he is much more powerful than you!” “Your words pierce me like thorns! Yes, I could tell how powerful that demon was just by looking at him. Far more powerful even than Arnes, I would wager. But I have a way of defeating him. Seeing as our Arch-priest is proving elusive, the only one in this town who can stand up to him is me, is it not?” Yunyun just clenched her fists and went silent. Then she jumped to her feet and slammed her fists on the table…! “Fine, just…do whatever you want! Megumin, you’re the stupide—Gah?!” She was about to run off somewhere, but I grabbed the hem of her cape and held her fast. When she looked back at me, her eyes were full of tears and she was coughing, but I had a bright smile on my face. “We’re friends, are we not?” “You want me to help you?! You want to get me involved in this?! We’re not friends; we’re rivals! If you think I’ll do whatever you want just because you use the word friends, you’ve got another thing coming, all right?! I hate the fact that I’m a little happy right now!!” 2 I brought Yunyun, still puffy-faced, to a certain place. “I am no fool, Yunyun. I have no intention of challenging that thing to a fair fight. Ergo, the first thing we need is a war chest.” “‘War chest’…? But this is the place where we sleep…” Yes, we were at our inn. “Things are going to get a little dangerous now, so you shouldn’t come any farther, Yunyun. Just hang out over there and kill some time.” “Huh…? Okay, but ‘dangerous’…? Wait, Megumin, how exactly are you planning to get this ‘war chest’?” “I think it would be better for both of us if you didn’t ask. Okay, see you later!” “J-just a second! Seriously, what are you…?!” I could hear (but ignored) Yunyun behind me as I mounted the stairs and headed for one particular room. I stood before the door and took a deep breath. Then, my resolve set, I knocked twice and heard a familiar voice from inside. “Yes? Come in.” I opened the door, and there she was, splayed out on the bed, munching on some kind of snack: Cecily. As I stepped into the room, I joined my hands, adopting a pose of supplication—or prayer, if you will. “Big Sis Cecily, could you gimme my allowance?” “How much do you need? Just tell your big sister! What do you want to buy? A house? Would you like to get a new home with your big sis? Don’t worry—with your sister’s good looks, we’ll rope in some rich adventurer in no time!” I somehow managed to restrain Cecily before she rushed out of the room. “I don’t want anything as big as a house!” I said. “I’m planning to defeat that demon, and I need some money to make my plan work. I believe you said there was ten million eris in it for me if we beat him? Could I ask for an advance—even a little one?” “Yeah, I remember that. But—and I know I’m the one who brought it up—I think maybe we should call off that deal. I got some more information on the demon… Just recently, one of the most powerful parties in Axel tried to take him down, and they wound up at the Eris church.” She sounded worried. “The Guild only learned about that moments ago, and you’ve already heard it. Maybe it’s a sign of just how much panic has gripped this town…” “Oh, no, I was just over there, throwing rocks at the Eris church, and I saw them treating these really badly wounded people, y’know? I bugged them about it and said I wouldn’t go away until they told me what happened, and that’s how I got the story… Oh! Even for your big sis, that expression of love is painful!” “Please try to behave yourself, ‘Sister’! Don’t make this situation any more complicated than it already is!!” “Cough… I wonder if this is what they call hard to get. Well, I can’t say I don’t enjoy it!” Cecily tried to calm me down as I strangled her, finally handing me something. “Who’s playing hard to get, you—? What’s this?” The pouch she handed me was noticeably heavy. “Ten million eris.” “What?!” I looked at the pouch, astonished. “A-are you sure about this?! Just giving it to me? Aren’t you worried I might take the money and run?!” “I am a cleric, remember?” Cecily said. “I consider myself an excellent judge of character.” A beatific smile spread over her face. “A-and you aren’t worried I might lose this battle? Anyway, what’s come over you? You’re suddenly so different, I hardly know how to reac—!” Then she was hugging me. “It’s all right. I, Cecily, priestess of the Axis Church, guarantee it. I know you can win. My dear, sweet, stalwart Megumin—you wouldn’t be defeated by any demon.” “M-miss…” I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was coming down with a case of the warm fuzzies. Truthfully, I wasn’t altogether confident about fighting that demon. And at that moment, this woman, usually so flighty and odd, hit me with this sneak attack of kindness… “Come on—open the bag. And then put it to good use!” I forced myself to hold back my tears as I opened the heavy pouch in my hand… …and discovered not money but a large collection of oversize rocks bearing a note that read, Sucker! “Pfffft! Oh gosh, Megumin, you should’ve seen your face—you were almost crying! It was adorable! Ahhh-ha-ha-ha, bwa-ha-ha-ha, how can you be so cute?! Joke’s on you! That was—Aaaghhh, I’m sorry; your big sister is sorry! I went too far; I apologize! Just please stop pelting me with rocks!!”