Chapter 32

INTERLUDE THEATRE: ACT III Lonely Girl Awakening Yesterday, something unprecedented happened: Somebody was turned down for admittance into the Axis Church. Me. My old self might have been completely broken by it, but today I was sitting in the corner of the Adventurers Guild that had practically become my personal seat… “…So what you’re saying is, I can’t try to solve the entire problem at once; I have to figure out what’s behind it and deal with the root causes one by one?” “That’s exactly what I’m saying, my disciple. As they say, haste makes waste—you’ll have more luck if you take your time dealing with things.” I was receiving lessons from a man who described himself as a guru. “But, mister, I don’t know what the causes are…” I was feeling pretty low, but my teacher smiled gently. “Trust me—we’ll figure it out together. Don’t worry—all will be well… Ah, but I’ve dried out my throat with too much talking; would it be all right if I ordered a beer?” “Of course!” He ordered his drink and downed it in a single gulp—he made it look pretty tasty. “Ahhh, that’s good! Now, what were we talking about? Oh, that’s right, your inability to make friends.” “Yes—I just can’t bring myself to talk to strangers… How can I learn to talk to anyone I want to, like you?!” He was famous in this Guild for being acquainted with just about everyone. “I get my vigor from the alcohol here. Alcohol is the best. Alcohol soaks your life in pleasure, my disciple. Mind if I order another round?” “Go ahead! Mister, I think I’m too young to drink… Isn’t there anything else I can do?” He ordered another beer—I had lost count of how many this was—and drank it down. “Anything else? All right, well, just you wait. I’m sure by the time I finish drinking this, I’ll have had a flash of inspiration.” “Please, sir, have another!” An hour later… “I can’t drink another drop…” “Mister, please tell me! How can I make friends and meet people?” I shook my increasingly lethargic instructor violently, but he remained splayed out on the table. “I’m afraid this old man just doesn’t… Wait, I’ve got it! You seem like a well-developed young lady; maybe if you wore something that showed a little more cleavage…” I twitched as the old man stared up at me. “N-n-no, that was just a joke, a joke! You’re so serious all the time—I just wanted to make sure you were really listening…! And the part where I said I would give you some life lessons if you just treated me to a drink—that was a joke, too! I’ll cover everything, your drinks included, of course!” “I don’t care about any of that!” I pounded the table. “Heeek! I-I’m sorry! I never thought you would get so angry—with the red eyes! I got carried away! I’m sorry!” But none of that was what I wanted to hear! “I said, none of that matters! Mister, hurry up and tell me how I can make friends and find party members! I’m begging you, I’m at my wits’ end—you’re my only hope!!” “A-a-and I wish I could help you; I do!” My eyes were probably burning red because of my heightened emotions, but I couldn’t be concerned about that right now. I had finally found someone to give me some advice, and I wasn’t going to let him get away! “O-over there…on the bulletin board…” “Yes, the bulletin board?!” He said in a meek voice, “On the board, maybe you could p-post something about being willing to p-pay someone to be f-frie—No, no, I’m just joking. Of course I’m not seriously suggesting that!” Before he could even squeak out that thought, I had yanked his shirt collar, causing him to get all teary. “Thank you, sir. That’s a fantastic idea! I’ll try it!!” “You will?” For a man who had come up with a superb suggestion, he sounded awfully surprised.