“You are not making a strong case for not being creepy. How do you even know those things? But more importantly…! Remember how the One-Punch Bears formed a pack when we were in the woods earlier? The monsters have been acting strange recently. And Soketto is wandering right toward them…” “W-w-wait, is she going to be okay?! We know people have seen strange monsters around here. Maybe we should call someone?” Bukkororii interrupted Yunyun and me, however, with a small whisper. “I have to go to her…” He sounded like a hero who had discovered his heroine was in danger. “B-Bukkororii…?” Yunyun watched him, worried, as he stood up with a deeply serious expression. “I’m heading to the woods right now! I have to find Soketto…!” Yunyun’s face suddenly lit up. “Th-that’s it! The way you look now, Bukkororii, you’re almost…!” She clenched her fist, overcome with emotion. “Soketto might have run into that same group of bears…! What if I showed up and awesomely saved her? Right when she really needed me? You think she might ask me to make love to her right then and there?! …Er, Yunyun, were you saying something?” “No, I was just thinking how nice it would be if you got eaten by a One-Punch Bear.” 6 When we got to the woods, it looked different from before. “…What’s this? It looks like there’s already been a major battle.” We were only just near the entrance, but it was obvious someone had been fighting. The trees nearby were scorched, maybe from fire or lightning magic. And smack in the middle of the circle of blackened vegetation was the corpse of a One-Punch Bear, smoke rising from its head. “You can still smell the ozone. Whoever did this can’t be far away,” Bukkororii declared, scanning the area alertly. “I have to wonder if a couple of ball and chains like me and Yunyun should even be here. If a One-Punch Bear does show up, we won’t be able to do anything but scream and run away.” “Yeah. Honestly, I really want to go home now…” “What are you talking about? If I ran into Soketto right now, I wouldn’t have any way to start a conversation with her. Not to brag, but my mouth stops functioning when I’m confronted with a woman my age.” “What good does it do you to bring up your communication difficulties? Yunyun, back me up on this… Yunyun?” “Hrk?! Wh-what?” Yunyun had frozen in place, and her eyes had gotten strangely full at the words communication difficulties. …Apparently, Bukkororii wasn’t the only one who had them. That was when we saw it. “…Lightning magic?” A bolt had fallen from the blue not far away from us… “Lightning Strike!” I thought I saw the sky light up at the powerful voice. And then, an instant later, a bolt of lightning came crashing among the trees. The One-Punch Bear who took the hit fell to the ground, smoking from the head. Maybe it was animal instinct that caused the rest of the pack to stop in their tracks at the stupendous clap of thunder. Standing in the middle of the crowd of bears was a young woman with red eyes. It was Soketto, wooden sword in hand, eyes blazing, looking downright thrilled as she intoned her magic. “Lightning Strike!” This must have been what had charred those trees. At Soketto’s shout, another blast of lightning came down on another of the immobilized One-Punch Bears. As the second monster fell, Bukkororii went running in. He didn’t look like his usual NEET self. Instead, he looked like a member of the Crimson Magic Clan racing to protect someone he loved. Eyes blazing red, Bukkororii cast his spell as a veritable shout. The recognition of a new enemy, us, sent the bears into action again. “Purifying flames of hell! Rage and burn! Inferno!” He invoked the most powerful fire magic with all his strength… …and caught Soketto in the blast. “S-S-Sokettoooo!” Yunyun exclaimed. “What are you doing, you idiotic NEET? Quick! We have to do something to help, or…?!” The pack of One-Punch Bears was going up in flames, along with the entire forest. But Soketto walked toward us, her body surrounded by a thin membrane of water. It looked like she had managed to cast a protective water spell on herself. “Y-you’re safe! Thank goodness…!” “No kidding! I thought my heart was going to stop…! Bukkororii, do something about this fire! The entire forest is going to burn down!” My command induced Bukkororii to hurriedly douse the flames with water magic. He might have been a no-account NEET, but he was, after all, also a member of the Crimson Magic Clan who knew advanced magic. Bukkororii’s wholesale blast of fire magic had incinerated the One-Punch Bears. Parts of the forest were still burning here and there. Soketto, meanwhile, had let down her bubble of water and turned brimming eyes on Bukkororii. Was that because of the battle, or was there something else at work? Soketto’s cheeks were red, and she seemed lost for words. Bukkororii, looking nervous, stood in front of her, his face just as red. But after actually looking a little bit cool, the NEET dropped the ball when it counted. Sheer nervousness prevented him from coming up with anything to say. “…I believe Bukkororii has something to tell you,” I offered. “““?!””” The other three there caught their collective breath. Yunyun was watching the progress of the conversation, her face flushed. Bukkororii was panicking because he didn’t know what to do. And Soketto? “Isn’t that funny, Bukkororii. There’s something I want to say to you, too.” Yunyun, Bukkororii, and I all goggled at this most unexpected pronouncement. “W-w-well…! Could it be that you…?!” “That’s right. I’m sure I feel the same way you do.” A soft smile came over Soketto’s face. Bukkororii turned as red as a tomato to be graced with such a sweet expression. Was it because he had saved her? I had heard of the so-called suspension-bridge effect, where you fall in love with someone because you’re scared… Could it be that? The laziest NEET layabout in town winning the heart of the village’s most beautiful girl? I couldn’t quite believe it, but when I saw Yunyun with her cheeks red and her eyes shining, I started to think maybe all was well that ended well. Bukkororii found his courage, clenched his fist, and said… “S-Soketto, I’ve always—!” “You should have just told me you hated me. This forest is the perfect place. I hear you come here all the time to train, just like I do. I think you’ll be the perfect opponent…so let’s have our climactic final showdown right here and now!” ……… “““Huh?””” Everyone but Soketto sounded very confused. “I don’t know what it is you loathe so much about me! And I’ve seen you tailing me before, but today was different! First you try to kill me right in the middle of town with Tornado, then you ambush me with Inferno when I’m surrounded by monsters and can’t defend myself…! Heh, you really know how to make your move. I’ve faced a lot of monsters in my time, but you’re the only one who’s ever had me on the ropes like this!” The wooden sword in Soketto’s hand made a creaking sound. “N-n-n-n-n-no! That’s not true; you’ve got it all wrong! I was trying to save you from those monsters with that spell…! I’m really sorry for catching you in it; I was just so bent on helping!” At the sight of Bukkororii, pale-faced and waving his hands, Soketto’s grip on her sword loosened. “…So how do you explain that Tornado earlier, then? You tried to hide, but I know it was you. You’re the only one who would follow me around like that.” “That, uh, it…!” Bukkororii looked to us for help. Yunyun and I pointed at him. ““He said he was trying to see up your skirt.”” That was when Soketto went after Bukkororii with her sword. 7 We were in a shop bedecked with light-purple drapes. Soketto looked at us with disappointment. “I’m sure this hasn’t been much easier for you two than it has for me. I’m assuming that perv dragged you into this?” We had come back from the forest and settled in Soketto’s shop. “Stop with the perv stuff already, please. I didn’t do it for any, like, creepy reason. I just wondered what Crimson Magic Clan girls’ favorite color was. You know, just a wizard’s desire to learn about the world around h— I’m sorry! Yes, I did it because I’m a bad guy. Please just put down the sword!” When Soketto went for the wooden blade resting against the wall, Bukkororii, who was in the process of being wrapped with bandages, quickly backed down. After a fairly thorough beating at Soketto’s hands, he was now receiving Yunyun’s ministrations. Soketto heaved a sigh. “…Geez. If you wanted to have your fortune told so badly that you were willing to go into the woods to earn money, you should have talked to me. I can comp you at least the first time.” “Really?!” In the end, our chicken NEET never admitted the real reason he had been in the woods. Instead, he had claimed that he wanted to know something about his future and had been saving up the money for a fortune-telling. He had just happened to come across Soketto and the monsters and had stopped to help. “We’ll call the Tornado an exception, and you did try to help me in the woods, even if you almost burned me to a crisp doing it. I guess I could tell your fortune one time… So what is it you want to know?” Soketto produced a crystal ball from the back of the shop and set it in front of Bukkororii. “I w-want to…to know about my future g-girlfriend—I mean wife—no, no, maybe the person who’ll fall in love with me? …Argh, which do I pick?!” Bukkororii was suddenly in danger of forgetting why he was here. That was clearly obvious to Soketto, who grabbed the crystal ball with an expression of annoyance. “You want to know about your future in love; that’s what you’re saying, right? Look into the crystal ball, and you will see the woman you’re most likely to be involved with in the future. The future can be changed, though. So I’m not saying she’s The One for sure… Ooh, you’ll see her soon…!” A pale glow began to emanate from Soketto’s crystal ball. A moment later, it faded again, and…! “…I, uh, can’t see anything.” “What, really?!” Soketto, who had maintained her composure even when being tossed into the air by a tornado, looked downright shocked and gave the crystal ball a hearty shake. “J-just a second. What’s going on? It’s never… Everyone ought to see at least one person…!” “Maybe wait until you’re out of earshot to say something that’s going to cut that deep,” he suggested. The fact that Bukkororii didn’t see anyone suggested that he certainly had no chance with Soketto. She looked at him with pity when she saw his eyes fill with tears. “…Look, it’s okay. My fortunes aren’t always right… There was a time I tried to predict the weather as a girl, and when I said it would be cloudy, there was a five-minute downpour instead…” “Please stop! I can’t even tell if you’re being nice or bragging about how accurate your predictions are! Argh, this is so much worse than just being shot down!” Yunyun and I gave them some space and started whispering to each other. “I feel bad watching this happen to anyone, even that NEET. If he didn’t see anyone, that means even the female monsters like the Leisure Girl you joked about won’t take him…” “What do we do? I never thought it would be this bad…” “I can hear you! If you have to talk about me, please do it more quietly!” Bukkororii left the place nearly in tears. “Come to think of it, he explained his way out of the two incidents today, but he got so upset over that fortune that I completely forgot to ask him why he follows me around all the rest of the time.” “Er… I wouldn’t bring it up. For both your sakes.” Soketto cocked her head in puzzlement. She watched Bukkororii go away to nurse his aching body and heart. “He may be completely useless, but he seems interesting, too. It’s strange…” Soketto turned the crystal ball over in her palm. 8 We were on the way home from Soketto’s shop. “I guess it didn’t work out, huh?” Yunyun observed. “Maybe Bukkororii should think about finding a job first…” “Maybe Bukkororii should think about knowing a lost cause when he sees one. He lives near me and I have known him my entire life, and I can tell you he is completely hopeless.” Yunyun glanced over at me. “Oh yeah, he’s been sort of like an older brother to you, hasn’t he, Megumin? …L-like a childhood friend, right? It would be totally natural for you to develop feelings for—” “Nope.” Yunyun looked almost hopeful, but I shot her down. “O-oh… I keep wondering, Megumin, is food really the only thing on your mind? Don’t you ever think you would want to fall in love with a wonderful person or something?” “There is something I must do,” I said firmly, “and I do not have time for puppy love.” Yunyun, however, refused to give up. “B-but you plan on becoming an adventurer someday, don’t you? And that means sleeping and eating with your party members all the time, helping them and being helped…!” “I have indeed heard that marriages between party members are frequent… But, well, I just don’t see it happening in my case.” “You sound so sure. I have to admit, I can’t really picture you mooning over someone, following them around…” As we chatted, we arrived at my house. “In any event, were I ever to fall in love…I’m sure it would be with only the coolest, most awesome person I could find.” “Gosh, I always figured you would marry someone who was just average…” I said good-bye to Yunyun, then went inside… “I’m home!” “Welcome back, Sis!” Komekko came bounding in, holding Ink. The cat’s head was drooping in exhaustion; I was sure she had been pressed into being Komekko’s playmate while I was gone. “Sis, let’s eat! There’s lots of delicious stuff!” …Lots of delicious stuff? “Whatever do you mean? Did someone give you food again?” “Bukkororii brought it by. He said to make sure I grow up nice and beautiful, and then he’ll be happy to make me his br—” Before she had finished, I was already racing out the door to the cobbler’s place to give that boy a beatdown.
Chapter 12
13 min read