I made a huge mistake. I don’t know how I can possibly atone for this.
It all started when Fiene and Baldur interrogated me about my nightmares. Their questioning exposed everything—the weakness I didn’t want to acknowledge, the distress I didn’t want to be known, the inferiority I didn’t want to be seen—and I lost my composure in the most disgraceful of ways.
Prince Siegwald must’ve been worried about me. He tried to comfort me by touching my cheek...with his lips. It felt like the world was being flooded with light. The dark presence tormenting me was blown somewhere far away, and at the same time, the affection I felt from him made me want to cry. But to lose consciousness? I hate how weak I am. And to think I made His Highness carry me while I slept without a care in the world! I can only describe it as a huge mistake.
After I woke up, His Highness continued to smile gently at me as if it hadn’t bothered him. His gaze was so warm, it made me conceitedly wonder if he perhaps loved me. However, I couldn’t allow myself to think that when I’d caused so much trouble for him. That would be far too selfish of an interpretation.
Father and Fiene seemed to have the same false impression after seeing today’s events, but such happiness can’t possibly exist in reality.
However, I do think His Highness genuinely cares about me. I caused him a great deal of trouble today, but he still did so much for me, and that makes me happy. It makes my heart feel light, as though the darkness I feared for so long has weakened. I want to say it’s as if multiple warm, gentle, and powerful presences are protecting me, but that would truly be conceited of me.
At any rate, I feel like I can breathe easy today. Like I’ve overcome something. I should feel heavyhearted thinking about how I’m going to apologize to His Highness, and yet I’m oddly calm right now. It’s strange how I feel like I’ve escaped from the worst situation and everything will be all right. Is my sixth sense picking up on some kind of change outside of my own consciousness...? I can’t fully understand it, but I feel like I can focus on the future now.
Starting tomorrow, I won’t let the nightmares control me. I’ll do everything I can for His Highness, who showed me such compassion. I’ll try to make up for the trouble I caused him today.
...
✦ ✦ ✦
Today, Prince Siegwald and I affirmed our feelings for each other.
Writing this is making me wonder if such an unbelievable miracle truly did occur, but it did indeed happen. Is today the Goddess of Fortune’s birthday?
It began with the nightmare the Witch of Yore showed me last night. It was unpleasant as usual, but now, I can laugh and say it really was nothing more than a dream. My love for Prince Siegwald allowed me to succeed in driving it away, and while I was on that emotional high, I impulsively told His Highness—may I write his name as “Sieg”? I don’t have the courage to call him that in person yet, but I do have his permission. This will be practice. Ah, I’ve gotten sidetracked.
Right, I impulsively told Sieg I loved him, and he assured me he loved me just as much. What a shock! I’m so happy, I could scream right now. I want to jump for joy and boast to everyone in the world, “Prince Siegwald loves me!”
I can’t believe such happiness exists. I don’t even know how to express my glee in words. I’m thankful for the world and the gods. I’m glad I was born. I can overcome any hardship with the happiness I obtained today.
The Witch of Yore? What’s the big deal?
A great evil that’s going to destroy the world? That’s nothing.
I’m not afraid in the slightest. The love of my life loves me back, and we’re even formally engaged. I don’t need to think about who’s stronger; it’s obviously me, the envy of all living beings. I can do anything now. I will do anything.
Oh no. I might be a little too excited. His Highness was looking at me with concern, so I need to be more prudent. Oh, but still, I can’t help but be like this. Today’s events were such an unexpected joy. Think about how much trouble I caused Sieg—and how much I ruined our relationship—with my sheer inability to be honest and my unbelievable awkwardness.
Normally, one would think to simply charm him without asking for his love. But forget trying to make him like me—I couldn’t even smile at him. I was awkward to the point where I’m not sure if the word “awkward” is even adequate.
All in all, I now realize my feelings were too strong. I was afraid if I got too close, I’d be rejected, or if I faced him head-on, I’d see hints of disgust. Most of all, he’s too dashing to look at directly! It’s been around ten years since we first met, and in all this time, I’ve never once found anything to dislike about him. He’s only continued to grow and become more wonderful by the day, gripping my heart so tightly it hurts. That’s why, with each passing day, month, and year, I became more and more lost as to how to interact with him.
Today, my emotions finally exploded, resulting in that reckless confession. It makes me wonder if I understand what “moderation” means. Why did I run from one extreme to the other?
Still, Sieg accepted me, and I’m thankful for that. For his sake as well, I’m going to obliterate the Witch of Yore. I must destroy any evil that stands in the way of the country he’s going to be ruling. If they’re targeting me, that makes things convenient. I’ll catch and defeat them when they come for me.
Now that I’ve steeled my resolve, I feel as though the darkness is trembling in fear. Well, I think it’s just the air moving from the wind outside.
It’s already late. I should sleep.
I’ll keep today’s joy in my heart. I’m not afraid of nightmares at all anymore. I have my own light.
...
✦ ✦ ✦
Tomorrow is our long-awaited wedding day. I feel rather emotional when I think that today is my final day as Lieselotte Riefenstahl.
Looking back, around this time a year ago, I was nervous about starting school at the Royal Academy of Magic and my relationship with His Highness. Even though we had been engaged for many years, I couldn’t say things were going well between us back then. I thought the day would come when he would abandon me because of my lack of charm. He was becoming more attractive by the day, and I was terrified he’d choose someone better than me one day.
However, I was wrong. Last spring, His Highness awakened to the Royal Ear and listened to the Voices of the Gods for quite some time.