Today was Prince Siegwald’s birthday!
His Highness turned eighteen, and he shone as brightly as always. He now meets the age requirement to be considered an adult, although there are many places in which he won’t officially be one until he graduates from school.
It feels as though he has gained a more mature charm as of late. His demeanor has become more composed and reliable, and his mannerisms and expressions more refined. His smile is especially unfair. When seen from the front, it’s dazzling enough to make one faint.
Dressed in formal ceremonial attire, His Highness sparkled like a fairytale prince, brimming with the grace, majesty, and charm of a future king. I had been so nervous, I did that. How could I have said such a thing...?
At the ceremony, I stood next to him as his fiancée as per convention. It was uneventful...I think. I couldn’t look directly at him, but as his partner, all I had to do was stand by his side. My heart was racing from start to finish, but there weren’t any issues. Probably.
The problem was with the private family gathering afterwards. Prince Siegwald is always dashing, but he looked even more radiant there. The formal expression he wears in public is wonderful, but when he’s with his family, it transforms into a soft, relaxed smile. The contrast between the two left a vivid impression on me.
I could hardly contain my love for him, when Her Majesty Queen Tiana said, “You two are old enough to get married now.”
Overcome with embarrassment, bashfulness, and confusion, I said, “The other conditions aside from age haven’t been met, though.”
Everyone froze.
No! What I meant was that I’m inexperienced. I’m not qualified to be by Prince Siegwald’s side yet. He’s so gallant, gentle, and sincere. Everyone likes him, and he’s always had excellent grades at school. On the other hand, I’ve only had a home education, and unlike him, I haven’t proven myself to be superior to other nobles my age. Even my mannerisms are childish compared to his.
At any rate, when I impulsively said those words, what I meant was, “Am I worthy of marrying such a wonderful person the way I am now?!”
However...
“I still have yet to hear the Voices of the Gods,” His Highness said with a weak smile. “At this rate, I won’t be fit to become king. I wonder if our engagement would have to be reconsidered... House Riefenstahl wouldn’t let you marry such a failure of a man.”
It took everything I had to refrain from slitting my neck. The logical side of my brain knew I mustn’t shed blood in the royal palace on His Highness’s special day. However, I desperately wished to die.
I explained myself. At least, I think I did. I tried my best to express I had not been implying such a thing at all. I said the conditions I meant included His Highness’s wishes and various preparations and arrangements that needed to be made. But the frozen atmosphere remained until I left, so I really should atone by dying.
Why am I like this...?
Tomorrow is the Royal Academy of Magic’s entrance ceremony. I can’t help but feel anxious knowing I’ll have more opportunities to see His Highness than before.
I wonder if I’ll be able to apologize properly for what happened today.
...
✦ ✦ ✦
Today was rather strange.
First, after school, I saw His Highness tutoring Miss Fiene. They were in an open courtyard, in plain view of the school building. The location and circumstances were perfectly fine, and yet, the moment I saw them sitting together, I felt as though I had been stolen from.
All I could think was, “He belongs to me.” I seethed with years’ worth of pent-up anger and resentment—even though I had only known the girl for mere days, I felt as though I had been humiliated for tens, hundreds—no, thousands of years. It was excruciatingly painful, and I thought I was going to lose my mind.
But why? His Highness said there was nothing for me to worry about. Besides, he doesn’t belong to me in the first place. I understand this. I don’t wish for his heart. I simply want to support him, that’s all. That’s how it should be.
I do love him, of course. I adore him with every fiber of my being. I’m always jealous of anyone who approaches him, to the point where I want to rip them all into pieces. But I’m supposed to swallow those feelings, and I do.
Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t do it today.
Obviously, I wish to get closer to His Highness, and I would love to befriend Miss Fiene as well. Which means all I had to do was say, “As a fellow student, I’d like to help her with her studies as well.”
There was also the issue of the gossip surrounding Miss Fiene, which was spreading as His Highness had feared. The two of them being alone together in this situation could cause another unwanted misunderstanding, so I felt I needed to tell them so.
However, there was absolutely no need to phrase it as maliciously as, “Could it be that you only accept lessons from handsome gentlemen?”
When I saw him taking her side, I was overcome with feelings of, “I hate him. I won’t forgive him. I love him. I’m so miserable.” It was all so ■■■■■.
I was swallowed up by ■■■■■, but the moment I was about to lash out aggressively and emotionally—in a way that surprised even myself—I suddenly felt a refreshing breeze that seemed to calm my breathing and soothe my heart. It reminded me of a forest in spring: clean, fresh, and full of life. I felt slightly at ease, as though I had been freed from something that was possessing me.
Apparently, that was when Prince Siegwald heard the Voices of the Gods. He then did something truly incomprehensible. Well, we are engaged, so it wasn’t wrong, and I certainly didn’t dislike it. Still, it was clearly unnatural for him to kiss me on the cheek out of the blue.
It was incomprehensible. I’m ashamed to call it that because it means despite being engaged, our relationship has dulled to the point where a kiss is considered incomprehensible, but I’ll set that aside for now. The point is that it made no sense. What in the world happened? What did the gods say for His Highness to do such a thing?
Was I really being possessed by something evil? My head is clear now, so I do think something was influencing me before that wind blew. How do I describe it? It was like having something dirty and unpleasant sticking to me. Something I hadn’t noticed until it was peeled off. I don’t know. I can’t fully understand it. I even feel like I might’ve been imagining it.
So why did the gods appear and have His Highness do that? I’ve never heard of such an exorcism technique, but perhaps the gods gave me some sort of blessing via him, which returned me to my senses. Yes, now that I think about it, His Highness would never do such a thing to me for no reason. It must’ve been something along those lines.
I’m sure he also had a reason for resuming the study session with Miss Fiene afterwards. At least, I think so. What was that about?
I’m certain now the kiss on the cheek was some sort of ritual. It was too sudden, and His Highness himself was bewildered. It felt as if he was being forced to follow someone’s instructions—perhaps the gods’.
However, afterwards, he seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself, albeit in a mischievous way. The rest of his actions appeared to be of his own free will, which surprised me because we were in a courtyard where others could see us. He is proud of being a prince and always presents himself appropriately for his position, so why would he do such things? I don’t know. I just don’t know anything anymore.
Tomorrow, I’ll ask him what the meaning behind that was...if I can. If I’m going to ask him about today, I’ll inevitably have to bring up the events themselves... I doubt I’ll be able to maintain my presence of mind. No, but still, I’m going to talk to him tomorrow.
For now, I’ll just be happy that Prince Siegwald awakened to his royal abilities and can now hear the Voices of the Gods. I really am glad his efforts weren’t betrayed. If he had remained unable to hear them forever, I would’ve hated the gods and this world.
...