What, am I going to bump into an overdressed Wakamiya Ushio onstage at some stupid ceremony? That’s not the real you!
“Thank you, Kei. I love you,” he whispered. “That’s why I have to leave now.”
And in that instant, the balloon over my head silently burst.
✦ ✦ ✦
My cell phone alarm snapped me back to my senses. It was early afternoon, the usual time I woke up, but I found myself sitting on the sofa with my coat still on. Either I fell asleep or I simply zoned out, and I wasn’t sure which.
Oh, right. Time to go to work. As I wobbled to my feet, I felt a strange weight in my coat pocket, so I reached inside. There, I found something cold and hard: a key. It was the spare key to my place, which I’d given to Ushio. Last I remembered, he was clenching it in his fist, but at some point he must have slid it into my pocket and left. I rolled it around on my palm. It was surprisingly weightless.
The events of last night had happened just a few short hours ago, and yet my memories were fogged up like frosted glass. My brain must really not want to accept it, I thought to myself with detached clarity.
First, I took a shower and skimmed the morning news. Next, I poached an egg in a pot of instant miso soup, poured it over a bowl of rice, and ate it for breakfast. Then I got dressed and left for work at the usual time. If not for the strict schedule of my show, I might have dawdled between.
Before I stepped out the front door, I noticed that it was locked. Ushio couldn’t have done it, so that meant I must have locked the door behind him at some point—a smart move, though I couldn’t remember it whatsoever. My spare key to Ushio’s place still dangled from the hook inside the shoebox door. If you’re going to leave yours, you should at least have taken mine, I scoffed silently. But then I realized he probably didn’t have the capacity to think that far, and for the first time, my heart ached sharply.
I grabbed the key and ran outside. It was so cold that I imagined my exhaled breath tracing an arc behind me. The shortened daylight hours were already on their way out; the sun slipped beneath the cloud cover and refused to offer me its warmth. As long as it doesn’t snow, I thought to myself. Ushio doesn’t like snow.
The jagged metal stabbed into my palm as I clenched it tightly in my fist, heading to Ushio’s house like a little kid running an errand. What if he was still there? Would it just be a repeat of last night? And if he wasn’t there, what would I do then? Gather up my things—just clothes, really—and leave my spare key in the mailbox like a good sport?
I did have a basic understanding of what was happening. But in my mind, Ushio smiled at me, sitting and working at his computer, or washing dishes, or doing laundry.
—Look at you, running on your hind legs! What are you in such a hurry for?
—I had a bad dream.
—Let me guess: you couldn’t eat your roast beef and sushi?
—Yeah.
—Poor thing.
If only I could use the thoughts in my head to create something, like Ushio could. If only I could mold a new reality for us to live in—a dollhouse, just for us. We wouldn’t need anyone or anything.
And so I ran all the way to Ushio’s house. But then I arrived at what I could only describe as the place where Ushio’s house once stood.
I could still picture it perfectly: the first floor with its vaulted ceiling, and a second floor slapped haphazardly on top. The stains reminiscent of motor oil, the traces of a bird’s nest. But now, as if those memories had been surgically removed, there sat a square of empty space—a vacant lot between the buildings on either side. No sign, no fence, just dry earth and pebbles, as if it had stood empty for decades. As if I had hallucinated every last minute I’d spent here.
The sky spun in dizzy circles overhead. I didn’t hit the ground, but the spare key did, and I couldn’t pick it up again.
Was this really how far he went? Or was forced to go? What about his equipment? His computer? His sofa? The table and chairs? Pots and pans? The espresso maker? If he stored them somewhere, then I wished he would have put me in storage too. That way, I could have slept until the day he came back for me.