“I thought it was fucked up to use her death for his own ends. He could have told those reporters to get lost and let him grieve in peace, but instead he let them take photos and write their shitty articles. For the first time in my life, I fought with him. He wouldn’t listen. And when he knocked me flat on my ass…I just thought about Mom. Sure, I was mad, but would she be upset? No, absolutely not. As much as I hate to say it…it was exactly what she would have wanted.”
The whole time he told this story, his hands were clenched into tight fists. I worried he might pop—my balloon, that is. But I didn’t know what I could say or do to help.
“That was the first time I ever felt alone,” he continued. “I realized I didn’t belong there. So after I graduated junior high, I left. From there, I got help from my grandma, worked a few part-time jobs, got my GED…and when I made it to my twentieth birthday, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. At that point, I didn’t need anyone else. I worked until I could support myself with just one job…and here I am.”
Here, as in, here with me. All we needed was the present and future. I couldn’t talk to the past Ushio—he was beyond my reach—so…
“But that’s all in the past, right?” I asked.
“Right.”
“Here you are. It’s over. Right?”
That time, I didn’t get a “right” in return.
“When rumors started going around about you running in the election, I suspected the worst. I tried to shake it off—told myself that these things happened all the time. Even when my clients canceled their projects with me, I told myself it was just a matter of bad timing. But I heard someone from the Diet came to your event, so I looked it up on the Asabi TV website and saw my dad’s name. That was when I knew it was no coincidence. I had to confront him. So, I met with his secretary for the first time since ninth grade.”
“…And then what?” I asked.
“Their long-term vision is for me to carry on the family legacy. Me, the prodigal son who’s been wandering around for half of his life. I don’t know what they’re thinking.”
He let out a flat laugh—mirthless, to be sure, but the anger from earlier was gone. Like everything was all beyond his control and he didn’t have the energy to fight it.
“But you’re not going to, right?” I asked, fear driving my voice louder than normal. “You’re not going to. You can just ignore it. Right?”
“I don’t know,” came his answer. “They don’t expect me to turn into a politician overnight, so I don’t know what’s going to happen. But they do expect me to move back home, so…I did. I’ve spent the past week contacting people to clear my schedule. All I know for sure is…I need to find a permanent solution for this or my family problems will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was naïve to think I actually cut ties with them.”
“So you deleted your LINE account? And changed your phone number? You were planning to vanish, weren’t you?”
This was the home he’d spent the past ten-plus years building for himself, all alone. Meanwhile, I was living at my parents’ house, never thinking twice about what it’d feel like to be so lonely.
He simply stood there, staring back at me with a look of mild sympathy, like I just told him about a war happening in some distant country. Even in a literal crisis, he somehow had no complaints, needed no advice.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked him the biggest question on my mind—the one I was most desperate, and simultaneously most terrified, to have answered.
“…Is it because of me?”
These people were harassing me, not Ushio himself. That meant they had to know at least a little about our relationship, or possibly the whole story. I was the one with two faces; I was the one with secrets to hide. And Ushio was always there to protect me…
“No.”
“You’re lying,” I said.
How could I keep him here? What were the magic words? I wished I could give him back even an ounce of the same strength he gave me.
“Don’t… Don’t leave.” I nearly said, Don’t go home, but fuck that. I grabbed him by the wrist. “Just ignore them and don’t go. If I can’t be a politician, then there’s no way in hell you can!”
He smiled softly. “I agree with you 100 percent.”
Don’t give me that! “I mean it. Don’t go.”
“I really wish I didn’t have to, but the absolute last thing I want to do is cause more problems for you. I’ve thought it over a hundred times, and I just can’t do it.”
“Why not?!?!” I screamed. “I’ve always trusted you with my problems! All of them! And I have no intention of stopping!”
“Okay, but this time the problem’s on a whole different level. You get that, right?”
“No! I don’t!” Because I knew the second I accepted it, it was over. “Look, I don’t care what kind of dirt your shitty old man has on me. He can spread it around to whoever he wants. I’ll just quit my job, and everyone will stop caring! That’s all I have to do!”
Let’s run away and find a happy life together in a place where no one will bother us. Let’s go on a journey to find that new planet… Wait, is that what you meant? You still gotta make that sequel, right? It can’t end here! The sleepless night with your back turned, the dark look in your eyes when we made love—I’ll pay more attention from now on! There is going to be a “from now on,” right?
“You can’t do that,” he said.
“Why not? You think I wanna let you take the fall while I go on TV like everything’s fine?!”
“No.”
“Then—”
He shook my hand from his wrist, then pulled me into a tight hug. I could smell his scent, feel his warmth…and feel his whole body shaking.
“I know you don’t want this. It’s not you, it’s me…” he said. “I want to keep seeing you on TV every day. So if I forced you to lose your career for good, I’d never forgive myself, and I’d never be able to look you in the eye again.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love your news persona. When I visited the studio, I was nothing but impressed with you. You may still think you don’t love your job, but I know you’re wrong. You love it—even the parts you hate. That’s why you sparkle out there. And I refuse to damage your professional reputation.”
“That’s not what you said a while ago,” I replied. “You said you hated me going on TV.”
“Yeah, and if I’m honest, it still aggravates me. But it makes me happy too. I love seeing the great Kunieda Kei doing his best. The man I love meets responsibility head-on without missing a beat.”
“But that’s…!” I choked back the panicked urge to bite down on his collarbone. “That’s only because you were there for me… The pilot episode, the remote broadcast… With you there, I knew I could do anything I tried… I can’t do those things alone…!”
I wanted to change his mind, even if it meant I had to disgrace myself by crying and throwing a fit. I was willing to wail and flail and make him feel like an absolute monster if he walked out on me. So why wouldn’t the stupid tears come?
“Yes, you can.” The delivery was sweet, but the sentiment was cruel as anything. “You’re strong enough to do anything you put your mind to. No one else stands a chance.”
“I’m telling you, I can’t!”
“If anything, I was the leech in this relationship,” he said. “You supported me, protected me, and gave me a place to belong.”
“I don’t want this!”
“I’m sorry for getting you involved in this.”
“That’s not the issue!”
“Thanks for everything.”
“Ushio!”
He hugged me so tightly I could scarcely breathe, let alone speak.
“…It’s okay. I’ll see you again,” he told me. “Until then, I’ll see you on TV.”