On Saturday evening, Kunieda-san’s short summer vacation was quickly coming to an end and I was starting to feel the pressure. I had hoped that he would snap back to normal before he was scheduled to return to work, but clearly that was wishful thinking on my part. His time was almost up, and if he didn’t regain his memories by the time he went back to work, I’d have to bite the bullet and consult his parents.
“The rain still hasn’t let up,” Kunieda-san murmured as he sat on the bed with his knees tucked to his chin.
“Yep.” Meanwhile, I sat at the dining table, working on my laptop.
The skies were clear during the day, but now the rain was pouring down so hard that an umbrella wouldn’t stand a chance—hence I’d told Kunieda-san he could stay here until it eased up. I didn’t realize it would take quite this long, however. Granted, I didn’t mind him crashing here, but ideally I wanted to go to his apartment so I could test something out. Not that I really expected his memories to return purely by seeing a memento, but I didn’t have many other options at this point.
I gotta go there and show him his…
“That reminds me,” Kunieda-san began. “On my way here, I was sorting through my work briefcase, and I found an intonation dictionary.”
“Huh?”
“While flipping through it, I saw a little doodle in the corner… By any chance, were you the one who drew it? It’s a doodle of me, right?”
“…Yeah…” Welp. Beat me to the punch.
“You’re such a great artist! That must have taken you a long time. But I noticed I have a little transformation partway through. When do I ever look that sloppy?”
He smiled bashfully at me, almost like he was ashamed of it. But to me and Kei, that little doodle was special. It was a secret message—a love letter from me to him, telling him I knew his secret, that I supported him…and he accepted it. More recently, when I’d joked about being buried with that dictionary, he actually got angry.
So why was he sitting there now, smiling like it was nothing? That doodle was the one thing I thought might bring him back. Without it, what else did I possibly have?
Kunieda-san noticed my silence and frowned. “Tsuzuki-san?”
I didn’t know what to do anymore, and at long last, panic and frustration won out. “It wasn’t me.”
“Huh?”
“I didn’t draw it. No clue.”
No sooner did the words leave my lips than the self-loathing sank in. I wanted to be nice to him, not push him away—but the man on my mind was Kei—but Kunieda-san was Kei! The more I looked at that face, the more I missed Kei, and feelings akin to anger built up inside me, resentful that I couldn’t have him back.
“…You’re lying,” Kunieda-san whispered, his expression twisted in pain. Truth be told, my heart ached at the sight of it, but I forced it away.
“How do you know that?” You didn’t even know I made the fireworks. “You don’t remember, right?”
“I don’t need to remember to recognize certain things. Like the other day, for instance…” For once, his soft smile was gone, replaced by a resolute stare. “You said you weren’t seeing anyone, but that’s a lie, isn’t it? You’re in love with someone.”
“Where’s this coming from?”
“You’ve always been really kind to me, but you feel…distant. At times, you seem as hazy as my memories. I come here to try to escape my loneliness, but…sometimes, being with you makes it even worse.”
As I struggled to find the words, the sound of the rain became a cage with no door. No one was getting in or out.
“Tsuzuki-san?” Kunieda-san called. “Could you come closer? Just for right now?”
I couldn’t say no to that. As I sat down on the bed, the creak of the springs stabbed at my conscience.
“Laugh at me and call me crazy, but ever since I woke up and laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to spend more time with you. I don’t know what happened between us before—maybe I’m only an acquaintance to you. But I can say this for sure: the reason I forgot you, specifically, is because you occupy so much of my mind.”
He spoke under his breath, haltingly, cheeks flushed, unlike any news anchor I’d ever seen on TV. He exhaled, as if to vent the excess heat.
“I’m surprised I feel this way toward another man. Again and again I’ve questioned it, wondering if maybe I’m just confused. But no, I’m sure of it. Whoever I was before I lost my memory, and whoever I am now, I’m in—”
“Stop,” I cut in hastily, pressing an index finger to his lips.
I couldn’t let him finish that thought—I was already on the cusp of losing my self-control. He kept firing off these romantic lines that Kei would never say, one after another, and at this point, I was feeling like a slice of Swiss cheese. Just go for it, echoed Tatsuki’s voice in my mind, threatening to sever my last lingering thread of rationality. If only I could get amnesia.
“Don’t say another word.”
“Can’t I say it, at least?” he asked, looking directly at me with eyes as wet as the rain outside.
“I’m in love with someone else, sorry. You’re right; I lied.”
“What are they like?”
“It’s hard to describe—hey, don’t change the subject! Seriously.”
“Where are they right now?”
I wasn’t expecting Kunieda-san to be so persistent. If it was Kei, he’d never act like this; his cowardice and pride would get in the way. The subtle differences between them hurt me just as much as the similarities, and yet, I could feel myself being drawn to him. His gaze was so firm, I didn’t dare look away.
“He’s…on a trip, you could say.”
“When will he get home?”
“I don’t know.”
“In that case, I won’t ask for much of your time. Just until he comes home.”
“Stop.” I was speaking to myself more than him. Stop letting him wear you down—ah, fuck, I’m jinxing it, aren’t I?
“You’re not interested in me?”
“Look, I—”
“If I don’t have a chance, then I’ll go home right now and never come back.”
“Look, you idiot!”
Purely on reflex, I grabbed him and pinned him against the wall with both hands. My heart was pounding in my ears so hard it hurt. I couldn’t hear the rain anymore, and I suspected he couldn’t either. My hands were practically fused to the wall. I was inches from crossing the line. He looked so identical to Kei—I tried to tell myself it wasn’t him, but it just wasn’t working.
“…Kunieda-san…”
“Yes?”
I took two or three deep breaths and said…
“Empty your pockets.”
“Huh?!” Draped in my shadow, he stared back at me, wide-eyed. “My pockets…? Um, what do you mean?”
“Ugh, I should’ve known it wouldn’t work.”
This wasn’t the kind of “position” Tatsuki was talking about when he suggested it, but it was certainly memorable, even if technically flipped around. Alas, I embarrassed myself and made Kunieda-san uncomfortable, all for nothing.
“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”
“No, I—”
Just then, a cell phone alarm went off. I pulled away from the wall with surprisingly little difficulty.
“Oh, it’s my phone. Sorry.” Kunieda-san awkwardly pulled out his cell.
“You have an alarm set for this late?”
“No, it’s some sort of calendar reminder… ‘CineNight’?”
“Ah, so it’s tonight.”
Kei must have set that reminder so he could watch the broadcast. It felt like he had indirectly reached out to stop me from going any further, and I quickly regained my senses. I could practically hear him cussing me out.
“Let’s watch it.” I turned the TV on, and Kei appeared onscreen.
“Good evening and welcome to CineNight, the Saturday night show where we talk about the latest and greatest films. Just recently, I read my first shoujo manga. At first it was a little cheesy, but I quickly got more and more invested, and by the end, I loved it. Tonight, we’ll discuss the film adaptation of that very manga: Caramel Days. Not to mention plenty of behind-the-scenes stories from our two lead actors…”
And so, with the film’s poster serving as the backdrop, the interview began. Kunieda-san watched with rapt attention.
“Do you remember this?” I asked.
“Well, when I hear myself speak, I remember saying the words, but I can’t recall what comes next until it happens. Sort of like rediscovering an old mystery novel I read once a long time ago.”
On screen, Kei was a patient listener, asking just the right questions at just the right time. I could visibly see the interviewees relaxing and opening up to him, and it really drove home just how talented he was. Why was he nervous about this? He was a natural.
“The Caramel Days film adaptation is coming to theaters next month. I encourage you all to give it a watch.”
At the end of the interview, the screen cut to black, and with a pop, the message “Newscaster Kunieda Does a Wall-Slam!” appeared in bubbly white font. In the next shot, Kei sat alone, directly facing the camera.
“Can I have a moment to get into character?”
Laughter erupted in the background.
“…Okay, I’m ready.”
Summoning his resolve, he rose to his feet and walked up to the camera. Was he gonna do the traffic thing? The pudding thing? Or something new? I was on the edge of my seat as he leaned in close to the lens and extended his arms out of frame on either side. He tilted his head down for a moment, then slowly lifted it back up.
“When I’m with you, your love makes me weak. But I can never be weak with anyone else.”
Fuck, I thought. He got me good. It should be illegal to air this on public television.
Then Kunieda-san looked away from the screen and over at me, and I could see a different light shining in his eyes. It grew stronger and stronger until eventually, his entire vibe transformed.
“…Kei…?”
After a pause, he spoke. “Total score?”
“Huh?”
“How many points was that worth?”
“Twenty thousand,” I answered. “Out of ten.”
“I know, right?” he smirked, thrusting his nose into the air.
The man I loved was back.