“Oh, hi, there, Tsuzuki-san!”
“Minagawa?”
“We’re doing something a little different for today’s sports segment! Do you know where your boyfriends are? One of these fine bachelors was just carried off down the river after sumo wrestling a bear. Was it Bachelor #1: perfect Kunieda-san? Or Bachelor #2: schlubby Kunieda-san?”
“I’m not sure I get any of these references…”
“Just answer the question! Which will it be?”
“I dunno. Both.”
“Bzzzt! You’re out! You can’t get so greedy, mister!”
“It’s not greedy if he was like that to begin with!”
“Sorry, but you can’t have everything you want. Welp, now you lose both!”
“Wait!”
“Uh oh, looks like we’re out of time. After our commercial break, we’ll take a look at the weather. Is the rainy season finally over?”
That was when I woke up, and as my brain processed reality, the energy drained from my body. What a stupid dream. Most infuriatingly of all, he told me I couldn’t have everything I wanted—and I had decided he was right.
Half of my bed was empty. Was Kunieda-san having trouble sleeping alone?
✦ ✦ ✦
The next day—and the day after that—Kunieda-san showed back up at my house. I was grateful for it, since I didn’t want him to get bored and go home to his parents in his current condition. They’d surely notice something was wrong with him, and the situation would spiral out of control. Then, because it was a work-related accident, his company would get involved. And I knew Kei wouldn’t want that.
It was easier overall for him to stay within eyeshot—for his own good, or so I told myself, but I couldn’t shake the disgusting feeling that I was only in it for myself. Especially when Kunieda-san seemed so happy here. His daily life wasn’t much different from Kei’s; he read a lot of newspapers and watched a lot of news shows.
“Don’t you wanna kick back and be lazy during your vacation?” I asked over dinner.
“If I’m not caught up on the latest news when I go back to work, it’ll cause problems. Besides, it’s easier to read a little each day than to let a backlog build up.”
The table was laden with pan-fried pork belly lettuce wraps, eggplant with balsamic vinegar, and pickled plum noodle soup—all of it made by Kunieda-san, if you could believe it. Kei never cooked (at least, not around me) so I was sincerely amazed to watch his skills in the kitchen. The guy was capable of literally anything.
“Aren’t you tired, Kunieda-san?”
“Huh?”
“I get why you have to be perfectly poised on TV, but in your free time, like…I dunno, shouldn’t you loosen up a little? It feels like you’re the exact same guy you are on the news. Makes me wonder when you switch off.”
He paused to think for a moment, then answered, “At my house.”
“Yeah, but reading all those newspapers is like an extension of work, right?”
“Arguably, yes, but…I suppose I’m simply stubborn. If I don’t put in a level of effort I’m personally satisfied with, it makes me uneasy. So it doesn’t really feel like work, but rather something I do for my own sake, or maybe half and half.”
“Yeah, I know.” You overburden yourself and refuse to break.
“Perhaps right now is when I’m truly ‘switched off,’ as it were.”
“Huh?”
“I feel so comfortable when I’m here at your house…or relaxed, you could say. Like this is a place where I feel safe and secure… Sorry, maybe that’s weird.”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “I’m glad to hear it. Really glad.”
For but a few wordless seconds, we gazed into each other’s eyes. Then we both snapped out of it and went back to our food.
“Is the eggplant too vinegary?”
“Nah, it’s perfect,” I answered, hoping this subject change would serve to clear away the tension in the air. “So tell me, Kunieda-san, do you like your job?”
I asked this question on the off-chance that it would feel familiar to him. Maybe some scant traces of that turmoil still lingered in his mind somewhere.
“It’s not easy, but that’s precisely what makes it so worthwhile.”
“Gotcha.” It was a goody-two-shoes answer, nothing more.
Then, as we stood at the sink washing dishes together—something else Kei would absolutely never do with me—Kunieda-san mumbled, “Are you sure I’m not a bother?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been here nearly the whole day. Isn’t that rude to whoever you’re dating?”
“Huh? When did I ever say I was dating someone?”
“Er, well, you didn’t…” His hands froze in the middle of drying a dish. “But I’m convinced there’s someone else who likes it here just as much as I do.”
This was so frustrating. I knew Kei had to be in there somewhere, but I didn’t know how to get through to him or if he could even hear me at all. If only I could just tell Kunieda-san to switch to the other guy… But Kunieda-san was Kei, and he hadn’t done anything wrong. Under no circumstances could I pretend it wasn’t him.
“There’s no one else.”
“Huh?”
“You don’t have to tie yourself into knots, okay? I’m not seeing anyone.”
“Really? But you’re so desirable!”
His tone was questioning, yet his eyes were sparkling with delight, and I could feel this getting complicated fast. Better than him falling for someone else, I guess…? I hadn’t believed a word of Tatsuki’s optimism, but this was too blatant to dismiss. What now? I didn’t have the confidence to play it cool. Not when he was being so direct.
“If anyone’s desirable, it’s you.”
“Hmmm…I doubt it. I’m a very boring person.”
“No, you’re not,” I shot back reflexively.
“Huh?”
“You’re incredibly fascinating, Kunieda-san. You just don’t remember.”
“Wh… Erm… Is that a compliment…?” he asked timidly, sensing something hinted in my voice.
I was speechless for a moment. “…Yeah.”
“What was that long pause?”
“You’re imagining things.”
“I am…?” He fixed me with a suspicious look, then suddenly started grinning.
“What?”
“I’m sorry—that deadpan look was just too funny. Well, I feel better now.”
“Hm?”
“You never talk about what I used to be like, and I haven’t pressed you on it, since I figure you want me to remember it on my own. But it’s nice to hear.”
I could feel his arm brushing against mine.
“I promise, I’m going to remember,” he whispered. “I’ll do my best to remember as fast as I can… Just wait for me, okay?”
Personally, I was grateful we weren’t facing each other. Otherwise I would have hugged him.