Aria began reading It’s Me, a Shy Orc Loner with a Heart of Gold (Notice Me, Senpai!) Who Got Reborn In Another World, a.k.a. ‘Isekai,’ Where I Am Getting Into All Sorts of Troubles, Hijinks, and Shenanigans, Oh My! (Or Me, Oh My! for short) out loud:
“‘My name is Tatsuya Gi-orc-vanni Sat-orc. As you can probably tell from my name, I’m an orc. I’m average-looking, I guess, but I really can’t deal with people. I prefer just being all on my own. Oh my. In short, I’m a sensitive O-boy with a heart of gold that’s locked in a cramped cage. Oh my...’
“‘And so, just when I was working my bandit shift in the woods with my childhood friend, Yuko Mylene Kurat-orc, who is totally a girl and the only person I’ve ever opened my heart to, I got (who would’ve guessed?) run over by a runaway high-speed carriage. Oh, my. I’d really stepped in it this time. It looked like my life had come to an early c-orc-clusion. Hold your laughter, chums, because the stuff that happened after that is going to blow your mind.’”
“I don’t know where to start!!!!!!!!!!” Wataru had lost all hope!!!!! Just a few paragraphs in, and he had already given up!
“Don’t give up, Wataru! It’s not easy reading it out loud, either!”
“Every single sentence hurts!”
“You can’t give up yet! The summary says that Tatsuya the protagonist and Yuko, his love interest, are both transported to another world from the impact of that carriage!”
“That story is ridiculous!!!! How does it make any sense that they’re transported to another world just from being run over!?!?!?!?!?” Wataru exploded without a shred of self-awareness!!!!!
Even as Wataru anguished, Booker was steadily reading ahead! There was no time for Wataru to wallow in cringe!
“Dammit, I just gotta do it! Keep reading, Aria!!”
“Okay!” Aria continued reading the novel!
“‘After this and that, I woke up in a calm field in a strange world. Good grief. Give me a break. I thought being run over by that carriage would have killed me, but apparently I was transported to a world completely separate from my own. Good grief. What a bizarre turn of events. Whatever. No sense moping around this place. First things first, I had to find my childhood friend, Yuko. She was such a bothersome friend (she never was and never will be more than that). I recalled her outgoing and energetic yet somehow soothing face, and I let out a deep sigh. Good grief...’”
“Crrrrrrrraaaggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!” Wataru’s soul was breaking!!!!!
“A-Are you all right, Wataru!?”
“How can I be all right!? How many times does he have to repeat ‘good grief’!?”
“That’s just the way it is, Wataru! The ‘good-grief protagonist’ is the current trend in Wind Continent literature right now!” Aria explained in tears! Curse those almighty trends!
“Besides, he’s way too quick to accept that he’s in a different world! What is with this guy!? Stupid millennial!!” Wataru fumed, once again utterly failing to self-reflect at all!
“Wataru, you can’t think about it! Readers will get bored if every book spends a lot of time exploring that!”
“Dammit, you have a point!!!” Wataru conceded, setting his expression into the stony rage of a Nio statue! It was obvious that spending too much time on the inter-world transition would only slow down the tempo!
“We just have to keep reading! We can’t even challenge the Demon Lord if we don’t win this contest!”
“Grr...!” Wataru’s fists shook in helpless fury! Aria was right! All he could do now was focus all of his mental strength on continuing to read the novel!
“Rrrraaggghhh! I won’t stop you anymore! Aria, keeping reading that first chapter, no matter what!” It was do-or-die for our hot-blooded fighting teen, Wataru!
“I won’t let you down!” Aria agreed, and resumed reading the novel out loud...!!
An hour had passed!
“Wataru. That’s chapter one...” Aria declared, panting. “We did it...!” Beaten to her core, she turned to Wataru!
Wataru lay motionless on the ground, all of his life force drained out of him...!!!
“W-Wataru! Are you all right!?” Aria ran to him!
“N-No... The protagonist rescues a girl from some thugs in an alley, then the girl immediately falls for the guy and follows him around before he reluctantly lets her join the party... The same thing happened three times in one chapter...!!! The author has short-term memory loss!!!” Wataru was at his very limits! “That... has... to be... it...!!!” he squeezed out!
But if he were to fall now, all his agony would be for naught!
“Stay with me, Wataru! You’ll never make it to the Demon Lord if you give up now!” Aria desperately pleaded!
“Th-That’s right... I can’t give up...! I have to find some redeemable qualities about this book...!” Wataru stumbled to his feet and took up the quill!
“There you go, Wataru! That’s it! There’s still plenty of time on the clock!”
“Rrrrrraaaaaaaaagggghhhh!!! I’ll make my fists black with ink!!!” Wataru began writing his review with the last drops of his strength, his face twisted in wrath! Was there any other fighter in history who had risked his life to review a novel like this!?!? No, there was not!! Of course not!!!
“...Time’s up!” Résistance called, just as Wataru had finished scribbling out his review!
Four hours had passed since the commencement of the contest!! The sky had already darkened above them!!
“I... finished... it...!” Wataru said, beaten to his very bones!
Booker watched him with a smug grin! “Heh heh heh... This battle’s in the bag! I’ll start with my review!”
“Go ahead,” Résistance allowed.
Booker began reading the review he had written, his voice flat and steady!
“Here is my review for the first chapter of It’s Me, a Shy Orc Loner with a Heart of Gold (Notice Me, Senpai!) Who Got Reborn In Another World, a.k.a. ‘Isekai,’ Where I Am Getting Into All Sorts of Troubles, Hijinks, and Shenanigans, Oh My!, or Me, Oh My! for short! The biggest appeal of this piece is definitely the manliness of Tatsuya, our protagonist! He’s usually a shy orc, but once a girl’s in trouble, he becomes a totally different man! He’ll knock out any Isekai opposition with his overwhelming powers! All of the girls are so kawaii, too! Everyone is bound to find a character they’ll fall for! For me, it’s Hanako the slime, hands down! Thoroughly enjoy the fun, fast-paced adventure that is Me, Oh My!”
“...What was that revolting review!?!?!?!?!?” Wataru shouted in anger!!!
“Hold on, Wataru. While his delivery in reading it was uncomfortably disgusting, the content of that review is perfectly sound,” Résistance calmly explained! “It showcases the good points of the story that would appeal to a broad audience.”
“Heh heh heh... Looks like I’ve won, huh, Wataru?” Booker taunted!
“Grr! I’m not going to lose to that abomination! It’s time to read my review!”
“Go ahead.” Résistance nodded to Wataru.
With Résistance’s permission, Wataru passionately began reading his review!
Behold, Wataru’s penmanship!! “When I flipped through the book, it had that good paper smell, which made me smile. And the drawing on the cover was very good. The story was thinner than the paper it was written on, but the book itself is heavy enough to use as a weight, which makes it useful. 2/5 stars. Won’t read again.”
“Booker wins!” Résistance ruthlessly declared the victor!
Wataru was not happy with the decision! “Why!?!?!?!?!?”
“Wataru, there’s no use!” Not even Aria could defend Wataru! “You never stood a chance with that review!” How could this be!?
Booker guffawed, victorious!! “Gwa ha ha ha ha! Read ’em and weep, Wataru! I win!”
“Shut up!!!!!!!!!!”
Wataru immediately folded his review into a paper plane and threw it straight at Booker!
Whhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!!!!!
The paper plane stabbed into Booker’s temple at a speed of 400 km/h!!!!!
“Graaagh!” Booker fell to the ground with an ugly cry, unconscious!
“All right! Now’s our chance! Let’s storm the Demon Lord’s castle!!”
“W-Wait! That was a dirty trick, Wataru!” Aria protested, pointing out Wataru’s behavior unbecoming of his hot-blooded fighter status!
“I know! But we need to save your parents from the Demon Lord, Aria! I can’t be picky about how!”
“Wataru...!” Aria was moved to tears! I can feel your tears, too, Dear Readers! Who among us can contain our tears at Wataru choosing to save human lives over his identity as an honorable, hot-blooded fighter! “Okay! Let’s go!” Aria ran after Wataru!
At that very moment, an ominous voice boomed out through the area! “...Hm hm hm... I’ve waited a long, long time for you, Wataru!”
“Who’s that!?!?!?” Wataru stopped in his tracks! He looked all around him, ready for anything!
“Th-That’s... Deus, the Demon Lord!” Résistance answered, shaken!
Aria was frozen in astonishment, too! “The D-Demon Lord...!?”
A cloud of green fog erupted before Wataru, and a purple-skinned figure elegantly emerged from within it!
“You’re... the Demon Lord!?!?” Wataru demanded, with the face of Enma, the ruler of the underworld!
Deus the Demon Lord, because that was indeed who this newcomer was, answered with a confident grin! “Correct. I am Deus, the Demon Lord. I had been waiting on my throne for your arrival, but I could no longer contain my excitement. I had to come and see for myself.” He flourished his pure-white cape! Everyone had forgotten that up until now the Demon Lord had been practically a joke in this book! This was a serious moment! “Wataru... It’s been long since I last battled a worthy foe...!”