Chapter 40:
The Resolve to be Hated
WE ARRIVED AT THE GRAVESITE, IN FRONT OF the tombstone of the late Claudia von Reckenbell. A large number of flowers already lay in front of her grave. I could easily tell that Lord Reckenbell was truly loved by her kingdom. The quality of the flowers gave it away.
There were simple single flowers purchased by commoners who’d scraped together what little money they had before they headed to streetside peddlers. There were also lavish bouquets bought by nobles who’d paid a pretty coin to honor their hero. A mélange of beautiful flora bedecked Lord Reckenbell’s gravesite for the world to see.
I kneeled in front of the grave of Villendorf’s hero, whom I’d killed in a duel, as I offered the bouquet of roses that I’d stolen from Anhalt’s royal palace. These flowers had been treasured by Queen Liesenlotte, who grew them in memory of her late husband. I felt that this bouquet was on the expensive side among the flowers that adorned the grave. No doubt even Lord Reckenbell would widen her narrow eyes as she laughed loudly in Valhalla. And that was just fine. I hoped she’d guffaw at this scene.
All the while, I felt a piercing gaze on my back. My extraordinary senses easily perceived a girl shooting daggers at me. I knew that Nina von Reckenbell, the daughter Lord Reckenbell had left behind, was glaring at me. Following negotiations with Queen Catalina, Lady Nina had left the room and guided us to her mother’s grave without uttering a single word. I followed suit and remained quiet. I couldn’t call out to the little girl. I didn’t know how. What could I possibly say to the daughter of the woman I’d murdered?
I closed my eyes and focused on Knight Captain Reckenbell. I paid my respects to Villendorf’s hero and prayed for the repose of her soul. I was certain that Lord Reckenbell had been happily welcomed into the ranks of einherjar—perhaps praying for her repose wasn’t the proper way to go about it. She must be slaughtering her enemies, the giants, on the plains of Vígríðr and making a name for herself. I guess I should pray that she achieves victory in her afterlife. I continued to pray with my eyes closed. Several minutes passed before I stood back up and turned to meet the gaze that was focused on my back.
“I’m done here,” I said. “I’d like to head to your manor, Lady Nina.”
“Are you not interested in touring the royal capital?” Lady Nina asked. “Queen Catalina suggested as much.”
“No, I don’t wish to stand out. It’s hard to blend in with my physique, as you can see. With my height, I’ll stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go.”
I’d already removed my Maximilian armor. I doubted that I’d wear it again until I headed home, and I’d chosen to visit this grave in formal attire that I’d already prepared.
“Is that so…” Lady Nina said. “Then I shall guide you to my manor. Please board the carriage once more.”
“I will,” I replied. “Martina, let’s go.”
“Yes, sir,” Martina replied.
Princess Valiele wasn’t with us at the moment. She’d looked haggard and refused to do much else for the rest of the day. Her Highness took her corps and headed to Lady Nina’s manor first. I feel bad for her. But I guess I’m partially to blame. I plucked the roses from their roots and spirited them away from the garden. The rest of her exhaustion must’ve come from the negotiation.
Princess Valiele had matured considerably since her first battle. Even I could tell. Still, her talents were mediocre, and nothing more—it was difficult for her to attract the attention of Queen Catalina. I boarded the carriage as my mind was filled with the princess. Lady Nina and Martina were on board, sandwiching me in between. Two young girls sat beside a tall, burly man with large muscles. It was a peculiar sight.
“Lady Martina von Bosel,” Lady Nina said.
“Yes?” Martina replied.
The two ignored my massive presence as they began their conversation.
“Do you not feel any hatred?” Lady Nina asked.
The question came without warning, and I swiftly understood. She was asking if Martina hated me, Faust von Polidoro, the very man who’d killed her mother. The meaning was crystal clear.
“I do not,” Martina replied simply. “My mother reduced herself to a bandit who terrorized other lands. She isn’t like your mother, a hero who could bring her kingdom to tears upon her death.”
“But she was your mother,” Lady Nina said.
“And what of it?” Martina’s response was firm and rejected any notion of sympathy toward her mother. “Indeed, she was my mother, but her final deeds made her deserving of her death. She was a criminal.”
“You were present in that audience room. You heard Sir Faust von Polidoro lament the death of his own mother, Lord Marianne. Did that story not resonate with you? Did your mother not love you?”
Lady Nina’s question involved me, but I didn’t feel compelled to interject. I maintained my silence and waited for Martina’s response.
“My mother, Caroline, loved me. I have no doubt about that,” Martina answered.
“Then—” Lady Nina started.
“But I do not feel any hatred toward Lord Faust. It makes little sense to direct my anger at him.” All this while, Martina had been keeping her eyes straight ahead as though to ignore Lady Nina’s gaze, but now the former finally turned to meet the latter’s eyes. “Do you hate Lord Faust?”
“Don’t you dare insult me! I don’t hate him!”
Lady Nina jumped to her feet, her tiny body standing tall within the bumpy carriage.
“It was an honorable duel!” Lady Nina cried. “Sir Polidoro won against my mother without any cheap tricks. He then carefully returned her body to us and promised that he’d never forget the duel. Throughout his trip to the royal capital, every knight he met challenged him to a duel to mourn the death of my mother. He didn’t turn away a single challenger on his journey here. How… How could I…”
Lady Nina raised her voice, overwhelmed by her grief and rage, but she soon trailed off feebly. One of Lady Nina’s squires, who presumably acted as the coachman, stopped and peered inside. The little girl’s voice must’ve echoed outside. The carriage creaked to a halt.
“Pardon me, Lady Nina,” the squire said. “Is anything the matter?”
“Nothing at all,” Lady Nina replied. “Don’t stop the carriage.”
The girl sat back down and snapped her mouth shut. The squire stepped back out and started the vehicle once more. The wheels began to creak forward.
“How could I hate him?” Lady Nina said. “I have absolutely no reason to. Should I dare do so, my mother in Valhalla will be infuriated with me.”
It sounded like she was doing her best to control herself. I get it. Lady Nina’s struggling to come to terms with her feelings. Then I can’t stay silent for much longer.
“Nina von Reckenbell,” I said. “How may I address you, if you don’t mind telling me?”
“You can just call me Nina,” she replied.
“Then, Lady Nina, please allow me to tell you that your hatred toward me isn’t bad at all.”
I did my best to ease her concerns. I didn’t want to be hated, of course, but this child had every right to despise me. I knew that more than anyone else.
“Both hatred and love are feelings born from attachment,” I explained.
“Attachment?” Nina asked.
“Precisely. For example, I’m attached to my fief.”
The Polidoro fief had been passed down to me through many generations. The land couldn’t produce any local specialties, and it wasn’t a particularly lucrative plot of land, but it was enough to feed three hundred citizens and even export the scant excess we had to turn a humble profit. Still, that land was my territory that I’d personally received from my mother, Marianne. Her remains had been laid to rest in a grave within my fief.
“And I acknowledge your attachment to your mother,” I said.
“How so?” Lady Nina asked.
“If you truly loved your mother, Claudia von Reckenbell, from the bottom of your heart…” I paused and took a breath before I continued. “You have every right to take my head.”