Speaking of, I discovered a love letter that had been nonchalantly slid between my folded-up arms at some point over the course of the class. And by “love letter” I mean “instructions to personally carry my entire class’s worth of textbooks and class materials to our room before the start of our first lesson.” Ooooh, that stupid windbag! I was enraged, but had totally missed my chance to sit up and call her out on it, and was left to consider my options for how best to approach Ayase Kaito instead.
There were an awful lot of barriers standing between me and becoming his comedic best friend sidekick. To start, there was the danger of the character I’d chosen to play already being represented in my class. The majority of high schoolers are irredeemable horndogs who’ve been thoroughly possessed by the evil spirits of adolescence and puberty. Academically rigorous or not, it was possible that there’d be somebody in my class who was naturally like that, and since my persona was manufactured, that could be a real issue.
Buuut, I’d actually already nipped that potential pitfall in the bud! Congratulations to me! My self-introduction and Daimon-sensei’s subsequent outburst of violence ensured that any class clowns lurking in the shadows would be staying there until further notice. Nobody wants to see the same joke get rehashed that quickly, so busting it out as early as possible let me monopolize the class clown position by force. I railroaded any potential competitors right out of the picture!
That wasn’t the only roadblock in my path, though—not by a long shot. Next up was finding an opportunity to strike up a conversation with the protagonist. The classic move would be to tap him on the shoulder and go, “Hey, bro! You look like a pretty chill dude to hang with. I totally dig your vibe! Wanna be best buds?!” or something to that effect, but that move was a bit too “uuuhhh” (for lack of a better word to describe it) even for my taste.
Besides, pulling off a successful SST (Sudden Shoulder Tap) requires you to be sitting behind your target. They’re too far away when you’re off to the side, and reaching all the way over to them’s just not natural enough. When your target’s beside you, you’re pretty much limited to “oops, I dropped my eraser” and passing notes.
Plus, if I wanted to deepen my bond with him, a shared secret was a must. Aiming for the suspension bridge effect seemed like a very solid option. In other words, my goal was to talk to him during a time when we weren’t meant to be talking at all! Midway through the opening ceremony or during the orientation that followed it would’ve been optimal, but he hadn’t been on my radar yet when the ceremony happened, and I’d just spent the entirety of orientation “passed out.” Not to mention that finding an opening for a secret chat’s totally impossible when you’re sitting in the front row!
Grr... An opening! I just need an opening! Just the slightest chance to let me become his best friend... Please, God, I only need one chance! I’ll do anything in exchange!
“Hey.” As I growled with barely-repressed frustration, I felt a tap on my arm. Wait. A tap?! Oh, crap! Was I being too conspicuous?! Did I just get myself SST’d?! I sat up with a start and a shout. There wasn’t anyone in front of me, which meant that my mysterious poker was...
“To the right!”
“Whoa!”
“Huh?!” I spun to the right so suddenly that Ayase Kaito, the culprit, jumped with surprise. Wait. Ayase Kaito...?
“S-Sorry, my bad,” he stammered. “You looked like you were having a nightmare, so I thought I should wake you up.”
“Y-Yeah, thanks for that. Guess it was all just a bad dream after all... I thought I’d gotten assaulted by my homeroom teacher on the very first day of school. Crazy, right?” I found myself chattering away before I knew it.
Ayase Kaito responded with a chuckle. “That wasn’t a dream, actually...” Him proactively approaching me wasn’t part of my calculations at all. Rom-com protagonists usually only have eyes for the girls in their class, so it never even occurred to me. That was actually one of the barriers I’d thought I would have to surmount to get at him. “Umm, my name’s Ayase. I sit right next to you...?”
“Kaito, right? I remember you from the introductions.” In fact, he was the only part about the introductions I remembered. Actually talking with him, though, I was surprised by how nervous he seemed—or rather, timid, maybe? He still had his protagonist aura blazing at full strength, but he wasn’t really anything like him at all... Wait. Why’d I just compare Ayase Kaito to him...?
“Y-Yeah, that’s me! Thanks for remembering, Kou-kun.” Calling me by my first name right from the get-go? He’s a friendly one, but I can do better than that!
“No problem! You can drop the ‘kun,’ by the way. I’ll just call you Kaito too, if that’s cool.”
“Sure! Will do, Kou.” This was definitely an act of divine intervention! I got to talk with Ayase Kaito—or rather, with Kaito, and it wasn’t even hard!
His personality was a bit off from what I’d expected, but he had the makings of a genuine protagonist for sure. The absolute best period to set a rom-com in’s the second year of high school, since that’s the year you have classmates, senpais, and kouhais all on the table, so I had plenty of time to nudge him in the right direction before it really mattered. At least I could count myself lucky that he didn’t turn out to be a “talk to me at your own risk” edgelord type. And, more than anything else, I was just happy.
“Kou? What’re you grinning about?”
“Oh, nothing, really!” I’d been self-importantly blathering on about my master plan for ages at that point, but to be completely honest, deep down I was really just happy to have made a best friend. Kaito had looked a bit bemused, but barely a moment later he was smiling along with me. And barely a moment after that, our conversation was interrupted.
“Kaitooo! Let’s go hooome!” A lovely lady burst into our classroom out of nowhere!
“Oh hey, Tsumugi,” Kaito replied.
“Whaaat?! Kaito, you’re talking to a dude?! That never happens!”
“Wait, hold up! Who’s this girl?!” I interjected.
“Name’s Kotou Tsumugi! I’m Mr. Ayase Kaito’s most important person! No, not his SO—I’m his more-than-friend, less-than-lover!”
“His...” I paused. “W-Wait, how’s that work out?”
“Too much, too quickly, Tsumugi.” Kaito shook his head. “She’s my childhood friend, Kou.” Oooh, his childhood friend! In other words...
“She’s basically your friggin’ girlfrieeeeeend?!”
“Whoa!”
“Ooooh, that wasn’t a bad shout at all!” Kaito was taken aback, and Kotou smiled cheerfully. To be clear, I’d anticipated that he’d probably have a childhood friend or two. He was a rom-com protagonist, after all.
“Don’t get the wrong idea, though,” she continued. “I’m his childhood friend, sure, but we’re not dating yet!” Yet, she says! Kaito didn’t really react to that at all, though. Maybe he’s the dense type? Classic!
“Grrr,” I growled, “and just when I was planning on forming the League of Unpopularity with you!”
“S-Sorry...” Kaito’s shoulders slumped. He looked a lot more put off by my feigned hostility than I’d expected. That reaction... Wait a minute. He’s got the sort of personality that lets him be pushed around, and he has Kotou, a charming childhood friend. Plus, he has the sort of protagonist-aura that girls go wild for. Then there’s the fact that he took a joke like that so seriously that he actually seems to think he’s about to lose his new best friend (me). There was no doubt about it—I knew exactly what sort of character he was, which left me with only one choice!
“Heh heh heh... Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!” I burst out in over-the-top, maniacal laughter. Then I boldly declared, “I’ve had a revelation! This is how it finally happens—getting into high school and making friends with Kaito will, at long last, give me the chance I’ve always needed to evolve into the super-popular man of my dreams! Right, Kaito?!”
“E-Err, I guess? Maybe?”
“I think you mean absolutely! Right, Kotou?!”
“Nope, don’t think so!”
“Merciless!” She cut me down in a single verbal stroke, and Kaito cracked up.
Yeah, this works. This is as good as it could get. I’m Kaito’s sidekick. I’ll make him a star, leading him towards happiness from the shadows as his guardian clown.
I have to make him happy, one way or another, and if one of the steps along that path involves me making friends with him, I swear I’ll pour every fiber of my being into it.
I swore it internally, of course—wouldn’t make an oath like that out loud. Maybe I was using that oath as a replacement for the one I’d failed to fulfill before, but even if that were the case, I would make good on it.
“Okay, wanna head home?” proposed Kaito.
“Sure,” I replied.
“Okey dokey!” chimed in Kotou.
“By the way, Kotou, you said something about childhood friends being more important than SOs earlier, right? Isn’t being in a relationship with someone pretty much as intimate as it gets?”
“Huh? Doesn’t ‘SO’ mean ‘slight obstacle’? Like, a person who looks like they’re in your way but doesn’t matter at all in the long term?”
“What sort of twisted world view’s that?!” Mental note: the protag’s childhood friend is real scary! Kotou beamed, and I was terrified. I leaned over and whispered into Kaito’s ear. “Hey, is she being serious?”
“Ha ha ha, yeah, probably. I think she’s just misinterpreting the slang. She doesn’t mean anything bad by it.”
“I have so many questions about that girl...” I could only hope that the rest of his heroines would be a little easier to understand.