“Umm, hey! You dropped this.”
Those were the first words I heard him say. He wasn’t speaking to me, though. He was talking to a girl from our school—apparently, he’d picked up something she’d dropped on the ground. It looked like a train pass or something.
“Huh...? Ah, thank you so much!”
The girl blinked a couple times, then realized what had happened and blushed with embarrassment. She started thanking him profusely, and he just stood there awkwardly as me and the other students behind me passed him by. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I’d encounter him once again later that very same day after Oumei High’s entrance ceremony.
“My name’s Ayase Kaito. Hope we all have a good year together!”
By the time he introduced himself to the class, I was already impressed with him. This is probably gonna sound rude to everyone else, but he had a certain celebrity-esque aura that set him apart from all the rest of our classmates. His hair was a natural-looking brown; it didn’t seem dyed from what I could tell. His voice was mild and pleasant, and his facial features were perfectly balanced.
His general aura of sincerity completed the picture: it was exactly the sort of atmosphere that surrounds those legendary beings they call “protagonists.” Never could I have dreamed that one would exist in the real world!
I felt myself grin. This might just be my lucky day! In a certain sense, high schools are overflowing with a special, particular sort of energy. This world’s filled to the brim with works of fiction, and those that take place in the modern day are overwhelmingly set in schools like mine.
Common sense tells us that applying that sort of fictional concept to reality’s a load of nonsense. Common sense would also lead you to believe that the life I myself had led up to that point could only happen in fiction. Sure, this world looked perfectly normal at a glance—nary a sword or sorcerer to be seen—but that didn’t necessarily guarantee that I couldn’t be caught up in another story regardless.
That carried implications. Big ones.
So I figured that if I was going to get dragged into a story regardless, I might as well make sure it’s one that’s set in a world I can stand. A peaceful world, with neither war nor bloodshed. And if I could successfully blend my way into a world like that, playing the role of an utterly unremarkable extra, then maybe—just maybe—I’d be freed from the endless sequence of nightmares that seethed constantly within my skull. For that sake, I’d be as pathetic and cowardly as I had to.
“Hey, what’re you smirking about? It’s your turn!”
“Gaaah?!”
A beautiful woman stood before me. And I mean, like, beautiful beautiful! Her suit gave her a real career woman sorta vibe, and she had adultlike charm for days. Even when she was glaring. Which she was. At me. What’s an actress doing in my high school?! I glanced around the classroom, looking for the camera, but there wasn’t a single one to be seen.
Oh, right! Of course! She’s my teacher, Daimon-sensei! She’d just introduced herself to the class, and I’d already thought something stupid along the lines of “Oh, daaang, look at her! Do they hire high school teachers based on looks these days, or what?” mere moments before. Apparently, I’d been so entranced by Ayase Kaito that my previous line of thought had been blown totally out of the water.
Anyway, I was in a fix. Didn’t think I’d screw the pooch that quickly. Literally every single student was staring at me, and naturally, that included Ayase Kaito (who was sitting right next to me! Hot damn!) himself. In a situation like that, if I hoped to work my way towards the position I wanted, there was only one valid option! Okay, so there were probably a lot of options, but I could only think of one, so I decided to run with it.
“Student number seven, Kunugi Kou!” I popped out of my seat, sending it scooting backwards with a clatter, and locked eyes with Daimon-sensei, who was slightly hunched over as she glared down at me. That brought me really close to her face, and I could feel my virgin heart flutter. Her eyes widened slightly too—she must’ve been surprised. But this is no time for observation! Now’s the time to take the helm and ride this storm through!
“That’s ‘Kunugi’ as in the species of oak tree plus the first character in Thursday, and ‘Kou’ as in steel! I’m fifteen years old, and,” I took a deep breath, then desperately shouted at the top of my lungs, “I’m currently accepting applicants to be my girlfriend! Thanks! That’s all!”
I said it. Oh god, did I ever say it! A hush so profound you could feel it on your skin dominated the classroom. That was the path I’d chosen: to become the rom-com protagonist’s comedic, slightly perverted best friend. Though really, “best friend” implied a lot more screen time than I intended to give myself. I’d bury myself in the background noise of everyday life, so calling myself a best friend sidekick/extra might’ve been closer to the point.
My mind was made up: I’d turn Ayase Kaito into the rom-com protagonist of my dreams, and latch onto him like a parasite, acting as his trusty sidekick! Frankly, I was incredibly ashamed of how I was acting. My face felt like it was burning up, and I may well have been blushing. Thankfully I was seated in the classroom’s front row, so at the very least nobody could see my expression quiver with profound embarrassment. Except, that is, my beauty of a homeroom teacher.
“Wha...?” She stared at me, completely dumbfounded. And kept staring. In total silence. Looking right at me as I shivered with shame. I probably looked like some sort of tragic clown, makeup washed away by his own tears, and Daimon-sensei clearly had no clue how to deal with me. From what I’d heard, Oumei High was one of the most academically rigorous schools in the vicinity, known for the diligence and character of its students. As such, class clowns like me were a rarity.
Daimon-sensei’s atmosphere in that moment was downright demonic, but judging by her appearance and complexion, she was probably quite young—if I had to guess, I’d put her in her late twenties. I doubted she had much experience dealing with students who acted more like horny apes than human beings.
Think! Yes, I’ve wandered my way into a labyrinth of humiliation and dragged Daimon-sensei with me, but there’s gotta be a way to get us both out of it! I wanted to reinforce my slightly pervy class clown image, preferably without getting murdered in the process. Meanwhile, Daimon-sensei wanted to show off what an excellent teacher she was by skillfully dealing with the problem student before her. Probably.
Looking down just a tad, my gaze landed on her elegantly slender hands. I was all right with the idea of my little performance ending violently, as long as it was over quickly. I could take a slap without complaint. It’d take some serious sexual harassment to pull that off, though—I had to set it up very carefully so that nobody would blame her for smacking the crap out of me.
I looked back up at her face. Our eye contact lasted for barely a couple seconds, but all I could do was pray that she got the message anyway and jump in headfirst.
“Let’s cut to the chase! Marry me, Sen—”
“Drop dead!”
“Bugaugh?!” I didn’t even manage to finish my sentence before she dunked her attendance sheet right onto my skull, clipboard and all. Perfection. We were so fabulously in sync, you’d almost think we had it all scripted out in advance. She was already reaching out for the clipboard on her desk by the time I got to the first syllable of “marry.” Most people would’ve missed that detail, but I caught it.
That said, it didn’t look like she had a lot of experience bludgeoning people. A hundred-point smack would make a nice, vivid “thwap” noise, but wouldn’t actually hurt very much at all. Hers, in contrast, let out more of a dull “thud” and hurt like hell, so that’s a failing grade for sure. Hopefully she’ll polish her skills for future attempts.
The self-introductions continued while I was slumped over on my desk, (pretending to be) passed out. Overall, the girls in my class were exceptionally attractive. I figured that was another point in favor of this being a rom-com world—it was checking off all the standard requirements one after another.
It was a shame that the ultra-gorgeous top student in our grade level, Kiryu, was in another class, but there’d be plenty of opportunities to get to know her outside of our lessons as well. Speaking of genre conventions and clichés, the principal’s speech at the opening ceremony was way longer than hers, and an absolute snoozefest to boot. Supposedly all grade levels are obligated to attend the ceremony, but I swore to myself that I’d skip it next year regardless.
In the end, I stayed facedown on my desk for the better part of my first day in high school. That sounds more impressive than it actually was, though—that first day was occupied solely by self-introductions and a bunch of explanations from our teacher, which didn’t really take much time at all. From the look of things, we’d get our textbooks and stuff during our first real classes.