Kotobuki’s eyes rolled back in her head in shame after decoding those gestures. The Great Jagras naturally didn’t overlook this attempt on its life, so Kotobuki’s stock-still hunter was now being slammed by its assault.
“Kotobuki, you’re getting hit! You’re getting hit!”
“Hotey, you gotta run for it!”
“Uh, um, er, what do I do?”
Kotobuki’s character sluggishly shifted left and right while holding an oversized weapon. The Great Jagras made swift pokes to punish her hesitation.
Great swords in Monster Hunter were known for dealing high damage with each individual strike, but they made your hunter as slow as a turtle once you drew them and assumed an offensive stance. As such, the proper technique was to make an attack upon drawing your sword and then sheathe it once you were done. Visually, it was fairly close to a quick-draw technique. Or, so went Kai’s initial lecture...
“Kotobuki, you have to press the square button to sheathe your sword!”
“I’m doing that, but nothing is happening!”
The hunter on screen tried to sheathe their sword, but they were attacked by the Great Jagras and sent flying as the animation was canceled.
“You can’t just mash the square button. You have to find an opening in the monster’s attack to do it.”
“Huh? What? Where is this opening?”
The hunter on screen tried to sheathe their sword again, but they were attacked by the Great Jagras and sent flying as the animation was cancelled. This left Kotobuki with her weapon constantly drawn, forcing her into a battle where she moved as slowly as a turtle. She was too slow in this state to even run away.
“Were great swords not the best choice for Kotobuki after all?”
“Told ya.”
Even after getting elbowed by Jun, Kai could say nothing in his defense. To make matters worse, a pack of Jagrases (grunt monsters that look like dog-sized lizards) came to torment Kotobuki as her hunter was now surrounded, taking bite attacks from all sides.
“Yikes, Hotey’s getting mindbroken.”
“P-Please don’t make such vile metaphors!”
“That’s sexual harassment, Jun!”
Jun gave a quick “my bad!” to Kotobuki and Kai’s complaints. But unlike people who could understand the meaning of words, the Jagrases did not wait. They enveloped Kotobuki(’s hunter) and continued their barrage of bites. The damage they dealt was almost zero thanks to the armor Kai had equipped, but it was Monster Hunter tradition to stun players after getting hit no matter how low the damage one received was. The tactic to avoid this was to use your dodge role and slip away, but that was a tall order for someone with as little of a knack for action games as Kotobuki. She just kept taking attacks forever, unable to respond.
“Yikes, they’re gonna make Hotey do an ahegao!”
“Th-This is not a porno!”
“That’s sexual harassment, Jun!”
Jun gave a quick “my bad!” to Kotobuki and Kai’s complaints.
But unlike people who could understand the meaning of words, the Jagrases did not stop their biting. They defiled Kotobuki(’s hunter) until there was nothing left...only a corpse. Kotobuki took a decked-out character and died on a two-star quest.
“...I think...I hate this game.” Kotobuki shivered as tears welled in her eyes.
“...I’m sorry, Capcom. Laugh at my failure of a shill all you like, I deserve it...”
Kai looked toward the heavens and offered a lamentation toward his favorite developer.
“I’m sorry... I’m a worthless human being... I beg you, leave this insect be and enjoy Monster Hunter by yourselves... I’m sorry for being born...”
With the foundation of her mental stability now thoroughly crumbled, Kotobuki curled up in the fetal position on the bed and muttered at the wall.
“Look at her, Kai! Do something about this! Give me my happy Hotey back!”
“Kotobuki was never yours to begin with!”
Kai and Jun had a bit of a spat in hushed voices in addition to their eye contact communication.
“Actually, wait, I think I just realized something.” Kai turned to his personal PS4 and his personal TV.
“What? ’Cause I don’t care about your excuses!” Jun turned to her own personal PS4 and her own personal TV that were placed right next to Kai’s.
Yes, the two of them played the multiplayer modes of Monster Hunter and WoT using one TV and one PS4 per person. Jun had brought her own console over and even hijacked the Nakamuras’ Wi-Fi to surf the internet.
“If we wanted to play Monster Hunter with Kotobuki...wouldn’t we need a third setup?” He really should have noticed sooner. Definitely a “no duh” sort of moment.
“Oh, don’t worry, that’ll get solved within the week,” whispered Jun, undeterred.
“Huh?” responded Kai, baffled as to how she could refute that so readily. “Jun, what the heck do you mean?”
“I already ordered a PS4 and a TV for Hotey. They should get delivered by the weekend.”
“Why would you go that far?!”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Jun responded with no hesitation. “It’s only natural.”
“No part of that is natural!” Kai shot back with even less hesitation.
“It’s love! I’ll do whatever it takes to play with Hotey.”
“And I’m telling you that your love is too heavy! Cancel that order!” Kai was dumbfounded that she’d shell out a five-figure sum of yen just to treat her crush. “And aren’t you always whining about being broke? Where’d the sudden bags of money come from? Did you sell a kidney?”
“Oh, I just asked my brothers reeeal nicely, tee hee!”
“So you’re just making them do all the work!”
“Well, you know how generous my brothers are.”
“Those terminal doters! I can’t believe they’d plop down that much cash at the drop of a hat...”
“I just asked ’em for the favor of a lifetime, tee hee!”
“I bet it won’t be the last, will it?” Kai replied. His sense of sanity couldn’t keep up.
“Either way, Kai, does that even matter right now?”
“It sure does! I’m not letting you run away from your crime of making your brothers buy Kotobuki a PS4!”
“Well I’m not letting you run away from your crime of giving Hotey a nervous breakdown!”
“Okay, sorry!” Kai apologized and bowed on his hands and knees atop the bed. He began thinking about how he could start rebuilding Kotobuki’s mental foundation. The quickest way he could come up with took him back to square one: find a game the three of them could actually enjoy together. But what game would Kotobuki most enjoy playing?
“Hmm...all the go-to party games I know are Smash Bros and other action-heavy games...”
Unfortunately, Kai was stumped. But an idea to resolve their dilemma came to him like a divine revelation.