Just outside the city gates, Laplace floated up and peered around at their surroundings. “This place has really gone to the dogs over the past three hundred years,” she frowned.
“Yeah... We’ve been in an economic crisis ever since we lost the war with the neighboring nation. Good thing we managed to keep them from invading, at least.”
“Fascinating... We were practically invincible back in my day.”
“Alright, well, it’s time for you to go back to fake walking, okay?”
Fortunately, the gatekeeper was so checked out, he failed to notice that the woman who had left town alone this morning had since mysteriously acquired a companion.
But no sooner had they passed through the gates than Tanya noticed something strange: the streets were in an uproar.
“Huh? What’s got everyone in a fuss?” she mused quizzically.
“Extra! Extra!”
Taking Laplace by the hand, Tanya led her into the crowd to acquire a newspaper.
“What’s got everyone so worked up? Is it some kind of crime or accid-AAAAAAAAHHHH!”
“What is it? What’s the matter? Let the Great Sorceress have a look!”
“...I can’t believe it...”
“Hmmm?”
Laplace peered down at the paper in Tanya’s hands—and since she was both taller and currently levitating, this meant leaning directly over Tanya’s shoulder with their cheeks touching.
Tanya flinched slightly. Why does she smell so good?
“Oh, it seems our written language has evolved a fair bit over the past few centuries. Let’s see here...”
BREAKING: Unusual Activity In Western Wasteland Viewed As Potential National Security Threat
As of this morning, the Wyvern of the Western Wasteland was found dead in its natural habitat. The culprit is currently unknown, but considering the beast’s considerable size, it is believed to be the work of one or several magical platoons. The Imperial Magic Association has dispatched an emergency investigation team to determine the cause of death and track down those responsible for the slaughter.
“Wow! They found out pretty quickly!” Laplace chuckled to herself.
Meanwhile, Tanya began to panic. No, no, no! NOT GOOD!
“Laplace, this is a serious problem! Oh my god... Holy shit... If they find out, I’ll be barred from the tournament!”
Worse still, the article kept throwing around the word “culprit” like it was a crime... Then she remembered: for certain species of dragons, Wyverns included, the party leader was required to submit an application prior to hunting it down. She’d been so busy, uh, surviving, that she’d completely forgotten. Oops.
All around them, they could hear the citizens gossiping:
“The Wyvern’s dead?! Maybe it was some high-level adventurer?”
“Dude, even a magical platoon couldn’t take that thing down.”
“We can’t say for sure! Lots of competent adventurers have been flocking into town ahead of the big tournament, you know!”
“I don’t know... I wouldn’t trust some outsider who can’t even commit to a party. Something about it just screams ‘criminal,’ you feel me? Whoever it was, I hope they track ‘em down.”
Crumpling the newspaper into a ball, Tanya wiped away the river of sweat trickling down her forehead. Oh my god, I CANNOT let them find out I did it! Ugh, I’m sweating like a pig. I must look like a frickin’ water fountain!
In contrast, Laplace was all smiles. “Hee hee! We’ll be fine! They’ll never find out! Now then, exactly how big is a platoon, anyway? Thirty people? Hahahaha! Imagine the looks on their faces if they learned the culprit was a lone woman! I bet they’d wet their pants in fear!”
“SHHHHH! Keep your voice down, dumbass!” Tanya hastily clapped a hand over the ditzy Sorceress’s mouth.
“Mmmph!”
Fortunately, the crowd was too busy reading the newspaper to pay attention to them.
“Let’s just go buy our equipment, okay?” It was only a matter of time before someone noticed Laplace was floating, and Tanya was eager to reduce that risk as much as possible. “We’ll get you a nice, long dress, or maybe a robe—something that can hide your feet. Yeah, that’ll work!”
“C’est bon, d’accord. No complaints here. This dress is about three hundred years out of fashion by now, anyway. Hee hee... Shopping, shopping! Yay!”
In her glee, Laplace was about to do a somersault in mid-air—until Tanya tackled her to the ground.
“STOP THAT!”
✦ ✦ ✦
Out front, the sign read in giant letters: ADVENTURERS’ GUILD RETAILER.
“...Is this really the best they’ve got?!” Laplace scoffed.
“Shhhh! I told you, keep your voice down!” Tanya hissed, but it was too late. The shopkeeper was glaring at them.
“I’m just saying, if this is the ‘official Adventurers’ Guild retailer,’ surely they ought to have more of a selection than this!”
“There aren’t a ton of female adventurers, remember? We’re considered a niche market. It’s like this in every store.”
There were a handful of different national clothing retailers for adventurers: Door-mart, Bullseye, Costlow, plus some specialty stores for large-bodied races like Beastkin’s Wearhouse. But no matter where you went, most of the selection was inevitably geared towards men. If there was a ladies’ section, it was often a single tiny rack tucked away in a corner on the highest floor. Naturally, the selection was piss-poor, everything cost slightly more than the menswear, and none of it ever went on sale.
In the beginning, even Tanya had balked at it, but over time...
“I’ve just come to accept that that’s how things are.”
“What?! You can’t just accept this! You’re an adventurer, so you have a right to a decent selection! See that? The men’s section has a ‘buy one, get one half off’ deal going on! It’s not fair!”
“Ladies, please!” Having lost his patience, the bald, middle-aged shopkeeper stormed over to us. From his brawny build, it was clear he was a former adventurer himself. “I’m runnin’ a business here, alright? No more window shopping. Either buy somethin’ or don’t.”
“Oh, sorry! I’m looking for Knight gear, and she needs a Mage robe with a long skirt.”
“Hmm? You sayin’ you’re a Knight?”
“Uhhh... yeah...? Technically?” As of this morning, anyway.
Laplace smirked. “Heh heh! Just wait ‘til you hear this, mister. She’s not just any Knight—she’s a Magi-Knight!”
“Say wha?! A Magi-Knight?!”
The shopkeeper stared at me in shock for a moment—then burst out laughing.
“Pffffhahaha! Yeah, right! Nice try, lady. There’s no way this chick is a Magi-Knight. That’s a master-level class. Even for a guy, it’d take like twenty more years to get there.”
Tanya was hardly surprised, though. No one would believe that a woman had achieved a master-level class change. Hell, they’d had trouble believing she was a Mage.
Hoping to smooth things over, she laughed politely... but Laplace had other ideas.
“Oho, interesting. So Tanya here can accomplish in three minutes what the average guy can’t manage for twenty years.”
“You say somethin’?”
“Nope! Not a word!” Tanya shouted as she slammed Laplace into the wall with the force of a thousand suns. Picking unnecessary fights with shopkeepers? Hard pass!
Ominous, dark smoke rose from Laplace’s scalp as she pulled herself out of the crater in the wall. “Oui, c’est exact... I didn’t say... anything... patently untrue, that is...” With a half-hearted thumbs-up, she slumped her shoulders.
“See? We didn’t say a word, did we, Laplace?! Anyway, shopkeep, we’re gonna need to borrow your dressing room!”
Conflict avoided! Tanya heaved a sigh of relief.
Then again... I’ve spent my whole life trying not to make waves, and look where it’s gotten me... Kicked out of the party because of my gender... Her heart twinged. Reflexively, she pressed a hand to her chest.
“Uhhh... Okay... You’re pretty strong, eh, lady? Anyway, once you’re done, I’m gonna need you to pay for that wall.”
Ouch... Right in the wallet.