Once the verbal abuse that passed for afternoon classes was over, we were released.
No matter how much I hated this school, no matter how many issues I had with it, there was simply no outlet for my feelings. Once again, I fled the homework police and escaped to the roof.
When I arrived, it was the same as always. I was surrounded by metal fences, too cowardly to climb over them and jump.
I settled down against the wall by the door and pulled out a cigarette. No matter how much I admired that girl, no matter how many times she called me a pussy—this was the best I could manage.
What would she say if she saw me now? “Smoking again? Not even trying to change?” Probably. And she’d look at me with that same mean-spirited smile. But there was no use thinking about it. We’d probably never speak again.
I exhaled and flicked the ash from the tip of my cigarette.
But then, as I brought it back to my lips, I heard the door screech beside me. Reflexively, I tried to hide. But soon, I realized there was no need.
Speak of the devil. The girl was back.
“Hey, there,” she said with a curt bow. “I haven’t seen you since lunch.”
Well, I’d gotten that wrong.
“…I thought you said you’d never come back here.”
“I changed my mind. No—the situation changed.”
She didn’t elaborate. Instead, she walked slowly past me and over to the fence. She put her fingers through the mesh, just as she had the day before, and stared out through it like a prisoner longing for freedom. Had she gotten fed up with this school again and come up to escape?
She must have known she’d find me here. And in that case, she probably wouldn’t be mad or creeped out if I spoke to her.
I pulled the cigarette from my lips and attempted some small talk.
“Have you filled out that withdrawal form yet?”
“Oh, yeah. I did. See?”
She pulled it out and showed it to me. The name field had been blank yesterday, but now it read “Kurumi Hoshimiya.”
That must be her name. Kurumi Hoshimiya. Idly, I wondered if I was the first boy to learn a girl’s name from a school withdrawal form.
“You said the situation changed. Were you talking about your withdrawal?”
“Hmm… I suppose you could say that. Or not.”
That was a pretty vague answer, and it got me curious… But I didn’t want to pry if it was a sore spot. Maybe I’d better stay out of it. If she wanted to share, she probably would.
“Right,” I said, taking another drag to make the silence less awkward.
I closed my eyes and savored the heat of the smoke, then released it.
But as I flicked the ash from the tip of the cigarette, I realized Kurumi Hoshimiya was staring at me. Her gaze seemed to hold some meaning. It was the same look she’d flashed me in the cafeteria.
“Is there something on my face?” I asked.
“Spare me the gross clichés.”
“…Fair. So what is it? Why are you staring at me?”
Hoshimiya’s eyes were boring into me like she was my girlfriend about to suggest we break up.
“Sorry, but I’ve gotta ask. Are you always like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like in the cafeteria. Do you always get that pissed off when you see good students messing with bad ones?” She’d definitely heard me muttering to myself. “Do you get upset like that every time you run into this school’s BS?”
“Uh… I’m not really conscious of it, but maybe.”
“Doesn’t that get exhausting?”
Kurumi Hoshimiya’s tone made it clear she wasn’t trying to discourage me. She was genuinely curious.
No one had ever asked me that before. But I already knew the answer.
“Yeah, it’s exhausting. But what else can I do? It’s the hand I’ve been dealt.”
She seemed so curious that I decided to be honest with her. And part of me just felt she was someone I could trust.
“It seems like nobody really picks up on this,” I said, “but I’ve always been sensitive.”
“What do you mean, ‘sensitive’?”
“I can’t stand being in the room when the teacher is yelling at my classmates. Once, I was waiting for a train when two people started fighting. I hated it. It was terrifying.” This was probably the result of my family issues, but I decided to leave that bit unsaid. “I don’t know how it is for the others, but I can’t handle the tension in this school. Every day people are screaming, or the top students are acting like bullies. It just doesn’t sit right with me. And I can’t suppress my feelings like everyone else seems to.”
For starters, I didn’t share their hang-ups about my academic performance. I was fine with being thoroughly average. All I wanted was to do a little studying, get into a basic college, and find some boring job. To my mind, that was a fine life that no one should look down on.
That was why I had such a hard time falling in line with this school’s culture of disdain, insults, and sabotage. To put it simply, I’d been here over a year, and I still hadn’t been brainwashed.
I just couldn’t believe that grades were the measure of a person’s worth. I refused to swallow the idea that studying was everything and that those who did poorly were worthless.
“I’m too sensitive to just let it go,” I said. “When I see stuff like that, it always gets to me.”
“So you’ve been like this since you were a first-year?”
“Yeah, I guess. And I’ll probably be like this forever.”
Kurumi Hoshimiya’s eyes never left me. She was taking everything I said with utmost seriousness. That was what coaxed me into saying too much. I was starting to feel embarrassed.
I tore my eyes away from hers and put my cigarette back to my lips, trying to cover my humiliation. I really didn’t expect her to respond to my boring life story.
After I’d taken three puffs, however, she spoke.
“…Hey,” she said, and I turned to look at her, startled. “If you could do something about those feelings, would you?”
“…What do you mean?” I asked.
She opened and closed her mouth a few times without saying a word. In the end, she avoided my question in favor of a new topic.
“I’ve got unfinished business here.”
Where’d that come from? Did she mean she had something to take care of before dropping out?
“What? If you’re looking for love, you’re at the wrong school. The official rules explicitly ban dating.”
“…Yeah, I’m aware.”
She shot me a look as if to say, “Be serious, please.”
“Sorry,” I said, shrugging. I was only joking. “I’m listening. Go on.”
“I want payback.”
For a moment, my breathing grew shallow. There was an edge to her tone, like a drawn blade, and I could almost feel it sinking deep into my chest.
“By payback you mean…revenge?”
“Exactly. I don’t need any money. What I crave is vengeance.”
“Hold on. Back up. That’s insane. What do you want to do, exactly? And to whom?”
“My target is the faculty, along with every single person falling in line with this dump’s so-called laws. But I’m not sure about the specifics yet.”
I’d been joking, but I got the feeling she was dead serious.
She might not have the details down, but Kurumi Hoshimiya clearly meant business. She was staring down at her fist, unleashing the darkness straight from her heart.
“Ever since I started here, I’ve been the target of endless verbal abuse—treated like I’m not even human,” she said. “It was too much for me, so I made up my mind to drop out.”
“…Yeah, okay.”
“But then it occurred to me. Isn’t dropping out like admitting they won? The abusive teachers are the bad guys. And this discriminatory ‘law’ is the problem. So why should I have to turn tail and flee?” She turned to face me, and I saw the light in her eyes glow against the backdrop of the evening sky. “It’s sickening. These awful teachers get to sit back and enjoy their lives while I have to go? That’s why I want payback. I want to leave my mark here.”
“……”
“I want to prove that people suffered under this tyranny before I give up and go home.”
A gust of wind blew between us.